Porter - 11 months

11 months. I can't believe it. Sometimes I just want time to s.t.o.p. because my BABY is growing up too fast. But, then I just look at him and see all of the things that make him so deliciously wonderful and I decide that, OK he can grow up.

Just not too fast.

As in, this next month better crawl by s-l-o-w-l-y.

Porter is working so hard on crawling. He will get up on his hands and knees and rock back and forth. If there is something he wants that is out of reach, he will stretch as far as he can and then push himself with his legs. But I am trying to brace myself. Because once this fella is mobile, life will never be the same. He will be the busiest one yet. Of that I have no doubt.

We are about to be finished with baby food. As soon as the last frozen veggies from the garden are gone, "real food" here we come! Now, I can't imagine Porter giving up applesauce b/c he eats it at least once a day. But, applesauce isn't really baby food. Right? I mean, the bigger kiddos eat it all of the time, too. :)

Porter has moved into some 6-12 month onesies. Woo hoo! And he's wearing 6-9 month PJs. He's a growin'! This outfit is 9 months, and it's just a tad big. ;)

He has 6 teeth. Number 5 poked through yesterday, and number 6 came in today. 

When Porter is hungry and if he wants to, Porter will either say "more" or sign "more" or he will say "bite bite." But that's only if he wants to. All of the other times, he makes this weird growling noise that he only makes in his high chair. As much as we don't want to encourage it, most of the time we can't help but laugh because it is hilarious! He will also wave and say "bye bye" and has started saying "hey." He still doesn't say "Mama." But Mama is trying to be patient.

Porter is definitely a Mama's boy, which I absolutely love since Landon only wanted his Daddy unless he was hungry. One of my favorite things is seeing Porter's little arms stretched up as high as he can get them when he wants me to pick him up. He also loves to snuggle into my shoulder when other people talk to him, especially if he thinks that they want to hold him. He will nestle his little head down, and I assure him that Mama's got him. :)

If I had to choose one absolute favorite thing that Porter does this month, it would be when he wraps both of his tiny arms around my neck and just holds them there in a hug. Most of the time he will play with my hair at the same time, but those hugs are the sweetest. Sometimes they last for 30 seconds or more, and I eat up every second! He also strums his lips with his fingers, and it makes me smile every time. He gets this little look on his face that is just so sweet. If I do it back, he will continue like it's a game. Melt my heart.

Porter - 10 months

10 months.

I'm a mess.

And in just 2 short months......nope. Not gonna think about it.

Porter is the sweetest stinker. He can be so snuggly and sweet, and then the second he doesn't get his way he can be the biggest stinker. Especially when it comes to nursing (not wanting to stop for 13.2 seconds to switch sides) and Mama moving more than 4 inches away.

I did catch some "scolding" from the big sister, but I finally captured Porter's pitiful cries.

 Oh the agony! I love how his little hands are just clinging to the boppy.

And another. Just pitiful.

Ahhhh, separation anxiety. AKA: Spoiled rotten syndrome. 

Porter weighs 13 pounds!!! Woo Hoo!!! For Porter, he has chunked up. :) 3-6 month onesies fit him perfectly, but if it's a one-piece outfit he needs the length of 6-9 months.

He is still a fabulous eater. He nurses at 7, 10, 2, (sometimes 5:30), and 7:30. He eats fruit for breakfast, fruit and veggies for lunch, and veggies for supper. He also absolutely LOVES to snack on anything that we will give him - Gerber puffs, oyster crackers, animal crackers, bread, ham.

He moves around by turning and scooting. He will bend over and stretch for toys while sitting. He will also get onto his knees, but will usually turn over on to his back to play. While I think he's getting pretty close to crawling, he tries really really hard to pull up on things. Ella Beth never crawled, so I don't know what Porter will do yet.

Porter said, "Bye bye" today. Officially his first word!! He said it 4 times tonight at different times when Scott was leaving the room, so we call that official. :) Of course, Mama was holding him and told him, "Say bye-bye." But he did it!!

He has two teeth on the bottom and two teeth on the top. His gums are still really swollen on the top, so I think he will have more up there pretty soon. He's not the greatest teether. He's pretty fussy and his little nose just runs and runs.

Porter also has many sweet moments. He is most definitely a Mama's fella, which I eat up and relish in completely. Doesn't help his hold-me-all-of-the-time-and-don't-try-to-walk-away syndrome, but I truly don't mind. Have I mentioned that in just TWO short months he will be......nope. Not gonna talk about it.

I absolutely l-o-v-e baby hands and fingers.

Porter can find the tag on anything. :)

There's my sweet fella.

Where's the Mama been?

When things are going well and life seems to hit a really easy stride, it's hard to remember how much work a baby can be. When the baby takes TWO 2.5 hour naps for three straight days, it's easy to think "normal" is easy. When the baby will let someone else keep him and will take a bottle while Ella Beth and I go to co-op, it's easy to take it easy.

But then something strange happens, and life ain't no longer easy.

As cute as he is, he has turned into the biggest stinker. If anyone tries to take him to his room for a nap, he starts screaming the second he crosses the doorway. Try to give him a bottle...of breast milk (aka: liquid gold)...and he refuses and spits out any milk that may dribble into his mouth. Set him up with his favorite toys and even think about stepping away? Oh, he's got your number.

Don't let this next one fool you. He's not about to laugh. Nope. He's about to wail. I was waiting to take a picture of his absolutely-adorable-scrunched-up-I'm-so-mad-I'm-pitiful-face...when his big sister came to his rescue and said, "Uh, Mommy. Why are you just letting Porter scream? You need to pick him up and love on him." Nothing like a six year old to keep you in line!

So, I have been on the floor playing. I've been pacing the floor with a baby who refuses to nap, but who also refuses to be put down because-he's-so-exhausted. I've been baking cookies with the big brother and big sister holding a baby on my hip. I've been vacuuming, wiping tushies, brushing my teeth, and teaching the older ones all while holding, cajoling, consoling, spoiling the baby.

At the end of the day, I'm exhausted. My arms ache, and I have this pinched nerve in my right shoulder that screams if I move just so. And I think to myself, "Tomorrow I will just let him cry. He will get over it." But then tomorrow comes, and I look at the two bigger kiddos who grew up before I realized how fast time really went by.

And I say to the baby, "Oh come here, you rotten little thing!"

Naked baby pics

OK, so Scott thinks I am just weird for taking naked pictures of the babies. But, come on!! They are some of the cutest pics ever.

Am I right?!?

Here's a pic I snapped of my naked Landon 4 years ago:

This picture makes me reminisce already. Here Porter is 9 months old, but he looks about 2 months. Time goes by too fast, and sometimes my heart just aches. 

But then I look at these pictures (with clothes on!), and the sweetness I see makes up for the time that rushes by.

Love all of those sweet fingers and toes and...........tushies. :)

Porter - 9 months

Oh my! 9 months sure have flown by.

Porter weighs 12 pounds!!! Woo hoo!!! He is 12 pounds of ooey-gooey sweetness. :)

He is still a fantastic eater - will eat anything we put in front of him except beans. Which is weird to us since he will literally eat anything else. He fusses for whatever we are eating and is great about trying everything.

Porter is sitting up like a CHAMP! Once he got just a little bigger, his body figured it out.

Porter is great playing by himself. Rarely does he get the chance with big sister and big brother around, but he is very content being surrounded by toys and playing.

He is a T-A-L-K-E-R. He babbles and carries on unless he is asleep. :) He is starting to put syllables together (e.g. la-la, ga-ga, ma-ma, and da-da). He is so close to actually saying Mama and Dada!!!!

He knows what milk, bite-bite, puffs, diaper, and toys means.

And he turned 9 months on Christmas Eve. It is such a joy to have a baby in the house at Christmas!!!

When the baby's sick...

the Mama doesn't sleep.

After two nights of Porter being up at three different times and his fever going up to 101.3 yesterday, I took Porter to the doctor at 5:30 yesterday evening. He has an ear infection in his left ear, croup, and "probably has RSV" (though the doctor said there's no specific test to diagnosis it.) Thankfully, his blood oxygen level was stable so we didn't have to trek it down to Scottish Rite. Thankful.

We finally got out of the doctor's office close to 7 and then had to wait for the pharmacy to fill his prescriptions. It was almost 9 before we got home.

Porter nursed and went straight to sleep. And then the other two kiddos went down close to 10. It took them all of 28 seconds to fall asleep.

Scott and I went straight to sleep as well.

Until 11:39 when Porter woke up. I went ahead and nursed him again because he hasn't been eating well the last couple of days...and goodness knows he doesn't need to lose any weight! He nursed and fell asleep. Then I tried laying him down. OhMyWord. You would have thought I was putting him in an ice bath the way he screamed. So I picked him up, tried nursing him again but he wasn't interested. Nope, he was just wide awake.

Until 2:49.

That's three full hours of being up with the baby boy. I finally fought with him a little by patting his back and tucking a blanket around him so that he couldn't wiggle all over his crib.

He slept until 5:49. (He's nothing if not consistent with the "9s.") He nursed and went back down.

Until 7:59. Up for the day. Coughing, sneezing, runny nose, still has a fever, eyes are weak. I feel bad for him because this is first battle with being sick, but I am so exhausted.

Scott had my coffee ready and waiting for me this morning. Love him dearly.

Porter Update - part 2

I took Porter to the GI Specialist last Friday afternoon. I was happy that the appointment was in the afternoon because I thought that might help him tip the scales a bit. No such luck.

Porter was weighed (11.11 lbs) and measured (25 3/4"), and then we were in our room waiting for the doctor. It wasn't too long of a wait, but we did look out the window and watch cars and people go by. Then the doctor came in, sat down on his rolling stool, looked at Porter's chart and said, "Well, this sure doesn't look good at all." Now, I like this doctor, but those words are not the First Words you want to hear from any doctor.

So far it seems that everything is related to his severe reflux - a "mechanical problem" as the doctor called it. (Meaning, his little valve that is supposed to close after eating...to keep burps from coming up...just isn't working correctly.) The doctor still feels that the results we got from Porter's Upper GI are indicating that surgery isn't necessary at this point. Sigh of relief.

The doctor decided to try Porter on a hypo-allergenic formula to see if there could be anything else in my diet (after omitting dairy and soy for the last 8 months) that is triggering such severe reflux. Yeah, that hypo-allergenic formula is $104/SMALL can. Thank goodness we left with 5 cans of samples!

Well, Porter is beginning to show his true colors because the sweet little fella who used to take 1-2 bottles of pumped breast milk a week while I took Ella Beth to our co-op will now not even put a bottle to his mouth. After trying the new formula and Pitching.A.Fit. about it, we tried giving him breast milk. Nope, he won't take anything "artificial." He is now even refusing his paci. Oh My Word!!!!! I know I should be grateful that the paci is gone, but seriously? He used to take his paci and be asleep in seconds. Now??? Not so much. It's awful. And all over trying some stinkin' formula.

I can literally feel gray hairs sprouting on my head.

So, now, we are back where we were before the GI appointment: with a baby who is "extremely underweight," "hollow" in his upper body, and "failing to thrive." According to the doctors.

But the tiny fella eats. He eats so well! We have yet to find a food that he won't eat - which is amazing. Now if we could just get him to keep things down.

I'm just trying my best to feed him a LOT. Which means I feel like an open buffet most of the day. Which means that Porter is off his amazing nap schedule. Which means the more he eats the more he spits up. Which means the more outfits we are going through each day. Which means...

MAMA is going CRAZY.

But it's a season. Right? Say it is; lie if you have to!

Porter Update - part 1

To say that today was an emotionally exhausting day would be an understatement. But, praise God, because the last emotion that we felt was JOY mixed with RELIEF mixed with THANKFULNESS!

We left early this morning. In the rain. When we got in the van, I said to Scott, "Does this weather indicate what's to come?" Scott said, "Only if you plan on getting wet." Love him.

We arrived early, and they were able to take us back. My stomach was in knots and I had to remind myself to breathe every so often. The ultrasound technician was Monique (or "Mo" around the office), and she was very nice. {Note: one must be very nice to work at Scottish Rite, and that makes parents very thankful. :)}

Mo instructed us on how to lay Porter on the bed and to go ahead and give him the bottle that we had to bring. He wasn't allowed to eat before the appointment so we thought he would suck that bottle dry in no time. Ha! Stinker wanted nothing to do with that bottle when Mama was right there. I forgave him for wasting liquid gold, and Scott fed him Gerber Puffs.

AND PORTER LAID ON THE BED EATING PUFFS AND NEVER ONCE EVEN WHINED.

I'm serious!!!!! That sweet boy looked from me to Scott for the first few minutes, and then - I kid you not - he turned his head and just watched the ultrasound screen! What a miracle. It took a good 30+ minutes and Porter's head was as red as a beet when it was over with because of the pressure needed to penetrate all angles from his small soft spot. Mo told us that she has NEVER had a child, let alone a baby, lay completely still and content for any kind of ultrasound.

Yep! That's our boy. :)

(Come to find out later, Scott's mom had specifically prayed for Porter to be calm and for the procedures not to be an ordeal. Now that's an answered prayer if I've ever heard of one!)

The X-rays were next. They didn't go quite as perfectly because they had to hold Porter's head and chin in a padded restraint. So he did let everyone know he didn't like that much, but no tears. And as soon as it was over, he was smiling at the nurses. :)

Unfortunately, there was no waiting around for results. We were told that the doctors would get in touch with our pediatrician within 3-4 hours and she would be the one to call us.

So the waiting began once we pulled out of the parking lot. Hours and hours of waiting. And worrying. And giving it back to God. And worrying. And giving it back to God.

And then our pediatrician gives me the news that Porter's tests were normal!

I have not gone five minutes today without thanking and praising God. Everyone who has called or texted or emailed has heard it, too. God is so good!

So now we wait for another appointment on Friday with the GI Specialist. And I know that God's got that under control, too. Praise God!

Porter, 8 months

I took Porter in for his 6 month check up just a couple of days ago. We are "behind" due to his early arrival and time in the NICU, but he's seen enough doctors to make up for it.

He weighed 11 lbs, 1 oz. Way way way tiny, but healthy and happy. :)

Porter is working hard on sitting up. He's just so little that it makes it a challenge. But we are looking forward to it because I know two kiddos who are going to love when Porter is able to play with them!

Porter is a great eater! His system is working great, so we have reintroduced cereal. Porter likes his food thick, so the cereal helps to thicken his pears in the morning.

He is still spitting up a lot...make that vomiting a lot. We thought for sure that once he was eating lots of solids that his spitting up would lessen. Not so much. Now he just vomits. And we still change clothes 3-4 times a day because vomit stinks. Yuck!

Porter has two bottom teeth. :) They came in one at a time, back-to-back weeks. It was rough because he was fussy.fussy.fussy. But now they are through and cute to boot!

Porter is still a Mama's boy!!! And I take full advantage of it. :) Most of the time I would rather have the challenge of doing things with him in my arms - even if it makes it more difficult or take twice as long - because I know that all too soon he will be on the move and not be in my arms nearly as much.

Porter still LOVES his bath! He loves to kick and splash in the water. And now with his new bath seat, he is able to  have even more fun. :)

Failure to Thrive

I took Porter for his well-baby appointment on Monday of this week. To say that the visit didn't go well would be an understatement. At 7 1/2 months Porter weighed in at 11 lbs, 1 oz. He has fallen way off the Preemie Growth Chart, and to say that our pediatrician was concerned would also be an understatement. Thus, Porter was labeled "Failure to Thrive."And on top of that, Porter has prominent ridges on the sides of his skull that are now of concern.

As his Mama, that is simply hard to take. He is a very sweet and happy baby with quite a personality, and to me he's just perfect.

This is Porter's "thing." We call it his pencil, and he will even do it on cue because we all laugh hysterically at him when he does it. He's not shy on being the center of attention. ;)

He has learned to blow raspberries (aka, run his motor), and he crinkles his nose when he does it which I adore.

He L-O-V-E-S his toes!!! Neither one of my other kiddos ever played with their toes much, but Porter's favorite "toys" would be his sweet feet.  

 

The whole "failure to thrive" is just throwing me for a loop. It's messing with my head and heart because I pour all of me into my babies. When something is going "wrong" it feels like it's my fault.

We go for ultrasounds and testing at Scottish Rite and then back to the GI specialist in a couple of weeks. I'm trying not to let my mind "go there," but I'm a mama and it's hard not to.

But then I look at these pictures, taken just two days before his appointment, and they give me hope. He's a happy baby. Rotten, too, ahem. But happy. :)

And no matter what the outcomes of our appointments may bring, I trust that God is in control.

Psalm 139:14, "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

7:09 p.m.

7 months, 2 weeks, 4 days and Porter has his first tooth! And a fever. And lots of drool.

7 months

Porter turned 7 months last week. Unfortunately, we had a sick household and there wasn't much picture taking going on. But we are all on the mend now. (Hopefully.)

We go to the doctor next week, but I'd say that Porter weighs 11 pounds. He's still a little bitty fella, that's for sure.

He is starting to wear 3-6 month clothes. They swallow him whole, but he needs the length. His build reminds me very much of Ella Beth - long and skinny!

Porter is a fantastic eater. I pray that it continues! I am hopeful that since I am making all of his baby food that he will not have a "texture issue" like his big brother. And his mama. Ahem. Although I pulse his food as much as possible, foods such as peas and green beans still have a good bit of texture to them. His favorite foods are sweet potatoes, pears, and strawberries. He has just this week started eating three meals of baby food, and he is still nursing 6 times a day. His little belly is still giving him a bit of problem, so we are holding out on cereal and grains. However, it is SO HARD because Porter wants to eat everything. He watches every bite I eat and will even try to maneuver my hand to his mouth!

And I would let him eat more, but I don't feel comfortable because he is not sitting up on his own yet. We are working on it, but given the fact that Porter is still the size of an average 2-3 month old, it's just tough. I have had to force myself not to read any more books or do any more "research" online about milestones. Preemies come with their own time table, and as we like to say around here, "Porter will just do things when he does them." It can be hard though because he is not delayed at all when it comes to his mental capabilities. He is ready to sit up and he is ready to feed himself, his tiny body just won't cooperate.

He still moves everywhere! He is learning that he can get to where he wants to be by rolling. Ella Beth did the same thing, and I remember how funny it is to watch! He may be tiny, but he's a determined little fella. :)

Although Porter is still gnawing on everything (yep, still hate that word), there are no teeth yet. Drool? Yes.

Porter's favorite toys are his....FEET!!! It is so funny to watch him play with them. He will chew on his feet, try to catch them as he kicks them all over the place, and if his feet are bare he will even suck on his big toes. :)

Porter's personality has started to come out a bit, and I'm afraid we are going to have a strong willed little boy in the near future. He has no hesitation about letting you know what he's thinking. Goodness help me!!

This is how he falls asleep most of the time. It started out because we used the nose of this little lamb to hold is paci in, but now he puts his arm around it and cuddles. So sweet. :)

Love. Love. LOVE this little fella!

6 months

I wanted to make sure that I document Porter's 6 month progress. No big photo shoot this month, but I still need to remember all of his stats. You know, for when I get time to write it all out in his baby book.

--
Porter weighs 10 1/2 pounds. People still comment on how tiny he is. Tonight at Landon's baseball game, we heard it over and over and over. But, he's so big compared to where he started out that to me he seems like such a big boy.

He is still in 0-3 month clothes. I brought out a couple of 3-6 month outfits because I thought he would be able to wear them. Not so much. 

Porter is still nursing ever 3-4 hours during the day, and he wakes up at 5 a.m. for a feeding. He does go back down until 7:30 thank goodness! I have tried over and over to drop that 5 a.m. feeding, but he's a stubborn little fella. And every morning I think to myself, "He's 6 months old and he weighs 10 pounds. He needs to eat." It has become my 5 a.m. pep-talk. :)

He started eating solids about 3 weeks ago. While it started out awesome, it has turned rough. The fella still loves to eat, but his tummy isn't happy. I have only been giving him 1 teaspoon of oatmeal cereal with his servings of fruits, but it seems to be too much on his little system. (I was in the hospital as an infant for an allergic reaction to cereal due to severe dehydration, and I'm worried that Porter may be following the same path.) He has had two bouts of severe constipation, so we are now strictly on fruits and vegetables; no cereal. Praying that his tummy feels better soon and will learn to digest everything.

He moves everywhere and we have to keep an eye on him! Just the other day, I put him on his play mat while I took the clothes out of the washer. I peeked around the corner after about 2 minutes to check on him and he was 3 feet away from his play mat in the middle of the hardwood floors. Stinker!! I can only imagine what it's going to be like once he's crawling and truly mobile. 

I think he is starting the teething process. He has always liked having his hands in his mouth, but in the last couple of weeks he has really started gnawing (I hate that word, by the way) on his hands, toys, my shoulder. If I remember correctly, the whole teething process can take quite a while. So who knows when his pearly whites will come in.

Porter absolutely LOVES Ella Beth! I am blessed beyond measure by how helpful Ella Beth is, and I make sure to tell her as much each day. Whether it's getting Porter a toy, me a burp cloth, occupying him while I cook supper or get a shower, or just playing with him for fun...Ella Beth is a huge help to me and great entertainment for Porter. All babies should come with a sweet big sister. :)

Porter loves Landon, too, of course. But Landon doesn't have quite the "mama heart" that Ella Beth does. But Landon is gentle around Porter and gets his fair share of smiles out of him. :)

Porter loves attention, and there's no lack of it around here!

Our Six Month Blessing

Porter is six months old today. Wow.

It's hard to believe that at this time six months ago I still had not met my son. I had not held him. Had not even seen him.

Yet here we are six months into Porter's life, and I so desperately wish I could stop time right now. Today, before he gets any older; any bigger. Stop time while Ella Beth is still a little girl at heart, and her sweet mama-heart comes out so often these days. Stop time while Landon is still a silly little boy who is coming into his own personality.

If only it were possible.

But it's not. And, though I sigh at the thought of just six more months passing until we are celebrating Porter's first birthday, I am reminded again and again to cherish every moment.

That's exactly what we did this past weekend as Scott and I dedicated our son and his upbringing to the Lord. We prayed and shared with those who love our family the most our values, our hopes, and our dreams for our third child. Our youngest son.

We pray that Porter will value honesty above anything else.

That he will have a reckless abandon to do what's right - love and respect for others, choices he makes, and how he treats people.

That he will have a moldable, teachable, and obedient heart.

That he will be generous with the blessings that God bestows upon him - no matter how great or small.

That he will have a magnetic personality - one that will draw others in and be a leader, even when making unpopular decisions.

Porter is the sweetest addition to our family. He's the piece we never knew was missing. It's as though in some way he brought our family together even tighter. Our focus as a family is clearer; much more concrete. We are blessed tremendously by this tiny little fella.

Porter's first bites

Porter has started eating solids. Well, really, he's eating mushy veggies and fruits...but they call them "solids" so we just go with it. I decided to make homemade baby food this go 'round, and Oh. My. Word. Why did I not do this before??!? It's soooo much cheaper, healthier (most of our foods have come straight from our own garden!), and easier than I expected. So thankful for my food processor and our bountiful harvest. :)

I simply cannot believe that Porter is already eating baby food. CRAZY!!! He was ready before I was, that's for sure. He just keeps surprising us all by how he is just moving right along in his development. I guess we kinda expected everything to come slower and later since he was so early, but he's just on his own time table and is moving full speed ahead!

Porter very much reminds me of Ella Beth in many ways, but especially when it comes to eating. You'd never know how good of an eater Ella Beth has always been (still hanging out around 35 lbs and she's 6 years old); and you'd never know how good of an eater Porter is already because he's still a pretty tiny little fella. Those Castleberry metabolisms are fierce!

Don't you just love pictures of babies eating? Messy, funny, and cute to boot!

 Ummm, excuse me I'm trying to eat here. ;)

Oh, yummy. That was good!

It's hard to believe that we are already here at this stage, but Porter was ready and he's such a good eater! So far he's eating pears, sweet potatoes, oatmeal, and applesauce. I'll be making green beans tomorrow, and I'm crossing my fingers that he will just keep eating his bites. :)

No Strings Attached

I don't know why I have not posted about Porter and his heart monitor. I have thought about it many different times, especially since this blog is my memory book. But, for some reason it has been hard on me. Maybe it's the reason why he needed it - finding him blue and not breathing in his swing. Maybe it was just another reminder that Porter hasn't been a "normal" baby. Maybe it is because it's hard knowing that something could "go wrong" with my child. Maybe it's because that's what everyone questioned me about any time we were out in public for the last 4 months. I really don't know the exact reason.

But, now that Porter has been discharged from his heart monitor I find it easy to write about. Yup, you read that right...No More Heart Monitor!!! Porter has had two really good reports and has "passed" to be released from the heart monitor.

I will admit that it's actually a little scary. The heart monitor had become kinda like a crutch for me. I would cling to the knowledge that it would go off if something were wrong, and it put my mind at ease. Last night as I put him to bed for the first time in four months without wires hanging off of him and over the side of his bed, I had to give him over to the Lord again. I told God that I trusted that He would let me know if Porter needed me - whether that be during naps during the day or through the long hours at night. I know that I can't live scared; I can't sit by his bedside during the night making sure he is breathing. I simply had to give my son over to the Lord to love and protect. Whew! One night down...thousands more to go!

So for the last four months these leads (strings as the kiddos call them) have been hanging off of Porter. The band around Porter's chest is a felt-like material, and the strip across the material is a huge piece of velcro. Under the material are two monitor patches - one on each side of his chest. Now, this picture was taken on June 16 and Porter was still getting used to all of his attachments. However, for the last three weeks or so, every evening after his bath when we'd "hook him up" to everything, Porter would cry as we wrapped the band around him. He really, really, really didn't like the monitor patches against his skin. I know he won't be missing those for sure!

The leads were always snapped in between the snaps of his onesies. (For his sleepers: his preemie and newborn sleepers were snaps all the way down, so we snapped the leads at his feet. However, once he moved into 0-3 months sleepers, I had to cut a small hole at the ankle to feed the leads through because they zipped.)  

So there are two leads...white for respiratory and black for heart. I have no idea how he did it, but at every single diaper change, Porter would always end up with one lead in his hands.

The heart monitor is not light by any means. In fact it weighs 10 lbs. So for the last four months I have literally been carrying around a lot of weight...which up until the last two weeks the monitor has been heavier than Porter himself. Not gonna lie, I won't miss that!

Don't judge. Porter is still in our room in his pack-n-play. Yes, he is almost 6 months old, but where would you have your baby on a heart monitor?!? So, this is how Porter's "strings" have been in the bed. Obviously, our main concern with the strings is strangulation, so we would tuck the cords under the corner of his mattress at his feet. Remarkably, despite my mommy-brain failing me on many occasions these last 6 months, I never forgot to tuck those cords!

Here is what the monitor looked like from the top. The heart rate is monitored on the left (lit up green in this picture). The heart with the arrow pointing up would go off if his heart rate was too fast, the heart with the arrow pointing down would go off if his heart rate was too slow. Porter's heart rate was slow for a while due to him not breathing regularly. And those lungs with the huge X through them would go off if he wasn't breathing. For Porter, we had the low heart rate and slow breathing to work through.

But we did it!!! We made it through, and this sweet and sleepy boy is now resting comfortably. With no strings attached!

I am so thankful that God stirred my heart on June 5, 2012 (my 33rd birthday) to go and check on Porter in his swing. He had been crying while I was fixing Landon's lunch to take to Nana's house, and when he stopped crying I honestly just assumed that he had fallen asleep. But something inside said, "Amber, just go peek at him." I thank Jesus every day that I listened to that stirring. When I found him blue in his swing, I jerked that sweet baby boy up and he immediately took a breath. He had had a reflux episode and was asphyxiated on spit up so that he could not breathe.

This heart monitor has been a blessing (albeit a heavy one!) to us. It went off more than we would have liked it to for the first month and a half, but it has also shown us how Porter has improved since then. So now, this sweet little fella is in God's hands. And I trust that God will hold him tight.