No Strings Attached

I don't know why I have not posted about Porter and his heart monitor. I have thought about it many different times, especially since this blog is my memory book. But, for some reason it has been hard on me. Maybe it's the reason why he needed it - finding him blue and not breathing in his swing. Maybe it was just another reminder that Porter hasn't been a "normal" baby. Maybe it is because it's hard knowing that something could "go wrong" with my child. Maybe it's because that's what everyone questioned me about any time we were out in public for the last 4 months. I really don't know the exact reason.

But, now that Porter has been discharged from his heart monitor I find it easy to write about. Yup, you read that right...No More Heart Monitor!!! Porter has had two really good reports and has "passed" to be released from the heart monitor.

I will admit that it's actually a little scary. The heart monitor had become kinda like a crutch for me. I would cling to the knowledge that it would go off if something were wrong, and it put my mind at ease. Last night as I put him to bed for the first time in four months without wires hanging off of him and over the side of his bed, I had to give him over to the Lord again. I told God that I trusted that He would let me know if Porter needed me - whether that be during naps during the day or through the long hours at night. I know that I can't live scared; I can't sit by his bedside during the night making sure he is breathing. I simply had to give my son over to the Lord to love and protect. Whew! One night down...thousands more to go!

So for the last four months these leads (strings as the kiddos call them) have been hanging off of Porter. The band around Porter's chest is a felt-like material, and the strip across the material is a huge piece of velcro. Under the material are two monitor patches - one on each side of his chest. Now, this picture was taken on June 16 and Porter was still getting used to all of his attachments. However, for the last three weeks or so, every evening after his bath when we'd "hook him up" to everything, Porter would cry as we wrapped the band around him. He really, really, really didn't like the monitor patches against his skin. I know he won't be missing those for sure!

The leads were always snapped in between the snaps of his onesies. (For his sleepers: his preemie and newborn sleepers were snaps all the way down, so we snapped the leads at his feet. However, once he moved into 0-3 months sleepers, I had to cut a small hole at the ankle to feed the leads through because they zipped.)  

So there are two leads...white for respiratory and black for heart. I have no idea how he did it, but at every single diaper change, Porter would always end up with one lead in his hands.

The heart monitor is not light by any means. In fact it weighs 10 lbs. So for the last four months I have literally been carrying around a lot of weight...which up until the last two weeks the monitor has been heavier than Porter himself. Not gonna lie, I won't miss that!

Don't judge. Porter is still in our room in his pack-n-play. Yes, he is almost 6 months old, but where would you have your baby on a heart monitor?!? So, this is how Porter's "strings" have been in the bed. Obviously, our main concern with the strings is strangulation, so we would tuck the cords under the corner of his mattress at his feet. Remarkably, despite my mommy-brain failing me on many occasions these last 6 months, I never forgot to tuck those cords!

Here is what the monitor looked like from the top. The heart rate is monitored on the left (lit up green in this picture). The heart with the arrow pointing up would go off if his heart rate was too fast, the heart with the arrow pointing down would go off if his heart rate was too slow. Porter's heart rate was slow for a while due to him not breathing regularly. And those lungs with the huge X through them would go off if he wasn't breathing. For Porter, we had the low heart rate and slow breathing to work through.

But we did it!!! We made it through, and this sweet and sleepy boy is now resting comfortably. With no strings attached!

I am so thankful that God stirred my heart on June 5, 2012 (my 33rd birthday) to go and check on Porter in his swing. He had been crying while I was fixing Landon's lunch to take to Nana's house, and when he stopped crying I honestly just assumed that he had fallen asleep. But something inside said, "Amber, just go peek at him." I thank Jesus every day that I listened to that stirring. When I found him blue in his swing, I jerked that sweet baby boy up and he immediately took a breath. He had had a reflux episode and was asphyxiated on spit up so that he could not breathe.

This heart monitor has been a blessing (albeit a heavy one!) to us. It went off more than we would have liked it to for the first month and a half, but it has also shown us how Porter has improved since then. So now, this sweet little fella is in God's hands. And I trust that God will hold him tight.