Round Three, part 3

On leaving the hospital and being at home without my baby.

To say that leaving the hospital without Porter was hard is a huge understatement. Scott had to work on Wednesday so I had all day to hang out with Porter in the NICU. I was there for every feeding and diaper change, I nursed him twice, and I spent time in his room just being with him while he slept during all of the times in between. I wanted to soak up as much time with him before I left. I think I convinced myself that I could store up a little quality time so that I wouldn't miss him so much; it didn't work.

When Scott came, he took Porter from my arms and I went to get a shower before the nurse came into to take out the staples from my incision. (I had been terrified about the staples coming out ever since learning that I would have a c-section. The anxiety about having them removed was way worse than them actually being taken out. Yay for one thing going better than expected!) After officially being discharged, we went back one last time to the NICU to say bye-bye.

It was honestly like Porter knew I was leaving because he was WIDE awake, which is very rare after a feeding, and he grabbed onto my finger and wouldn't let go. He just kept staring at me, and I told him, "You are going to have to break our staring contest first because Mommy can't do it. I'm not leaving until you are ready to let go." Melt my heart, he kept eye contact and kept holding my finger!!! He loves his mama already. :) But eye contact was finally broken, and I kissed him and told him I'd see him the next day. Then I had to will my feet to move and walk over to my wheelchair so Scott could take me downstairs to leave.

I have now been home for 36 hours without my son. Of course, I've been to the hospital twice to see Porter within that time, but being home without him is hard. There are things all over the house for Porter - the swing, his bed in our room, a book shelf in our room with tiny clothes and socks, blankets, diapers, etc, all set out for him. I'm not a glutton for punishment, but I do hold up his tiny clothes and try to imagine him in them. Always produces tears. Always engulfs my heart with the reality that part of my heart is not with me; it had to be left behind.

But having Ella Beth and Landon home with me have been great distractions. Scott had to work yesterday until about 3. Call me crazy, but I just wanted to jump back into normalcy. It's been so long since life at home has been normal! Of course, I still can't pick up the kiddos - which isn't normal - but other than that, we are getting there. I guess we will actually homeschool next week to get in another week of school before my "maternity leave" begins when Porter gets home. The flexibililty with homeschooling has been such a blessing to our family over the last 10 weeks. We have actually been able to stay on schedule, because Saturdays and evenings are always options at home. :)

Pumping is going relatively well. My milk supply is slowly increasing, and I am praying that it will double today. Porter is now completely off formula in his feeding tube and when they practice giving him a bottle - and I want to make more than enough milk so that he continues to only receive breast milk. Yesterday after noon when I went to visit Porter the first words out of his nurse's mouth were, "Well, he sure does prefer breastmilk over formula." Those were the words this mama needed to hear! If I can't be with him 24/7, at least I can feed him. I repeat those words over and over in my head while I am pumping and looking at pictures of Porter - whatever works to increase my milk. I am also now taking Fenugreek hoping to increase my milk. And praying, praying, praying!!!

The highlights of my day are definitely walking into Porter's room and seeing him for the first time. It's hard having had a c-section because my body wants to RUN once I enter the hospital, but my body can't run. I just waddle as fast as my pain tolerance will let me to get to my baby boy! Oh, I just love holding his tiny little self. He responds to my voice as soon as I speak, and my heart leaps! And I never knew how much I truly enjoyed nursing until 3 years after I thought I had stopped. Holding Porter and bonding with him in a way no one else can inflates my heart to an almost popping point. Because Porter is so tiny, I have to hold him in the "cross-over hold." I have to cup his tiny head in my hand to support him while he's nursing. Oh. My. Word. His tiny head literally fits into just the palm of hand. And his skinny little body rests against my chest. It's nice that his size really helps with nursing after a c-section. ;)

After nursing and holding him for about an hour, it's then time to place him back in his NICU bed. It ain't an easy thing to do. I always love the warm spot that lingers for a little while reminding me where his little body laid against me. I have found myself with my hand resting there as I'm walking out of the hospital. I guess I just want to hold on to whatever part of him I can as long as possible.

But then that warm spot is gone and I'm in the car to go home. It's hard. Knowing and understanding that the NICU is the best place for Porter right now does not ease the ache or fill the hole that's still in my chest. It's just not natural for a mama to be away from her baby, no matter how necessary it may be. And walking back into the house with all of his baby things starts the process all over again. There are a few onesies that are going to look "well worn" before Porter ever wears them because of all of the times that I hold them and refold them during the day.

It's a really good thing that I have Ella Beth and Landon here to love on, spend time with, and be distracted by...otherwise I'd become a crazy person. ;)

Right now there is no specific time frame in which Porter will come home. There are just milestones that he has to meet: Maintaining body temperature, successful feedings 8 times a day, no "flat lines" on his respiratory oxygen level, steady blood pressure and heart rate, car seat inspection, and mommy and daddy passing infant CPR. It seems like so much has to happen before Porter comes home, but I pray all day every day that Porter will bust through these milestones and come home with Mama soon!

 (note: all pics were taken with iPhone...it was just easy to carry around.)

Round Three, part 2

On having a preemie.

It's different in so many ways. Many of which I expected, but some I didn't. Even though I knew in my mind that Porter would be whisked away right after birth, I still expected to see him for a minute at least. It was hard to be able to hear him cry without ever seeing him. Not his face, not even a tiny foot. I was so glad Scott was able to be with him as much as possible because even after Ella Beth and Landon's births, if they left our room to go anywhere Scott went with them. We never sent the older kiddos to the nursery during the night, so if they went to be weighed or have any test/procedure run Scott was the one wheeling the bassinet down the halls. And, call us crazy, but that's just how we liked it. Our children are with us in just about everything we do day to day, and it really started on day 1 when we became parents.

So having Porter in the NICU is completely different from anything we've experienced before. I will admit that we have gotten better rest as a whole not having a newborn in the room with us, but I would trade that out immediately. I'd love to be sitting in my room, holding him in my arms, and listening to his sweet little newborn sounds - no matter how exhausted I was from a sleepless night. It's also been really hard not to have had Ella Beth and Landon meet their baby brother. For Landon, I honestly think he kinda just associates mama being in the hospital as kinda "normal" at this point since I was here 4 times in the last two months. But for sweet Ella Beth, she just wants to see her baby brother. Oh her little mama heart is just aching to see him and talk to him and kiss him. I hate that she has missed out on that so far, but I know that there will be years and years to come of her loving all over him!

Porter is in his NICU bed all day, except for when Scott and I are allowed to hold him during his feedings every three hours. During the time between feedings is when his body rests and he does all of his growing. His tiny little body expends a lot of energy and calories when he is awake, so allowing him to rest is of utmost importance at this stage. The nurses and doctors in the NICU are amazing. They love those sweet little babies, they talk to them, and they do everything they can for them. They are also just as amazing to the parents. They answer all of our questions and encourage us to come to Porter's room as often as we like. And we do. :)

One of the biggest challenges for me so far has been pumping. Neither Ella Beth nor Landon ever received formula because I nursed them from the moment they were born. It's much different this time. Most of Porter's feedings have been formula, but the nurses mix in whatever amount of breast milk I have been able to pump into his feedings. The stimulation of a breast pump is nothing like a baby latching on, so my milk is coming in slower. However, it is coming! I've been drinking so much water, and I'm trying to pump on Porter's eating schedule to work up my supply. Hopefully when I am discharged today I'll be able to get some herbs and tea to also bump up my supply. I'd love for Porter's formula feedings to be over completely. Not that I think formula is bad for him (or any other baby), but breast milk is just the best. And it's especially best for preemies because it is so much more easily digested by their tiny and sensitive systems. Porter has already shown a preference for my milk's sweet taste, too. :)

The hardest hurdle will be faced tonight when I am discharged to go home and Porter is not. Of course I know that Porter is getting the absolute best care possible here, and this is exactly where he needs to be. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to leave the hospital without my baby boy in my arms. It's going to be emotional, it's going to break my heart. But I'll be back tomorrow and every day until he comes home because I'll need to nurse him and drop off milk each day.

Going home is also going to be difficult. A c-section is really worse than I thought it would be. Most people told me it would be the opposite, but it just hasn't been. Of course, my operation was a little more invasive than a typical c-section because they had to scrape my uterus where the placenta had calcified and also because I had my tubes tied. I was encouraged by the doctor who treated me for preterm labor the third time to go ahead and get my tubes tied because the likelihood of my body ever carrying another successful pregnancy after what my body has been through this time was highly unlikely. Scott and I tended to agree. Everything that my body has been through during the last 8 months has taken its toll. And, hey, we sure did end with a bang!

But going home is going to be rough. The kiddos are careful around Mama, but they are 5 and 4, and their first thoughts are not how careful they can be. They have energy, they love to play, and they are going to be so happy to have me home. Which will be wonderful. It's just going to be rather difficult. Good thing we have a great Daddy at home. :)

And we are looking forward to having all FIVE of us home together soon!

Round Three, part 1

Seems like some where I heard that "third time's a charm." Well, it's proven to be a DOOZEY for us. Goodness...where to begin!

Most of the day Friday I just didn't feel "right." It had gotten to the point really that I didn't know what "right" really felt like any more, but Friday seemed to feel even more "not right." I drank my water, walked around, laid on my left side, sat in the floor, etc. Nothing seemed to work. :( Of course it was a night that the kiddos wanted to camp-out in the living room, so Scott set up their cots and got them all ready to camp while I tried to rest in our bedroom. But, I knew the inevitable was coming; I was just trying to put it off. After the kiddos fell asleep Scott came into the room and asked how I was. Well, I started crying (which would turn out to be the first of MANY tears and crying spells over the next 48 hours). I told him that if I called they would tell me to go to the hospital. I really, really didn't want to go.

But I finally called at 11 p.m. Guess what they said? "Go immediately to labor and delivery."

We were checked in and admitted to a Pre-Op room right from the get go. If I was in labor and it couldn't be stopped, they needed me to have easy access to the operating room. Turns out, it was needed. But more on that later. I was once again hooked up to an IV and monitors. Despite the fact that it was my forth time being admitted for pre-term labor, it really didn't make it any easier.

The third time I was in for pre-term labor (just one week earlier), I had a bad reaction to Terbutaline. So this time they put me on Magnesium Sulfate. Oh. My. Word. I don't even know how to describe how awful Mag made me feel. There really are no words because Wretched and Horrible and Miserable don't even come close. Bring on the tears for Major Meltdown #1. It was about 4 a.m. and Scott and I were finally trying to get settled for the night. Maybe it was the darkness settling in; maybe it was nerves; maybe it was both combined with the Mag. I don't know what started it exactly, but what I do know is that I started crying inconsolably. I couldn't even talk and explain to Scott why I was crying. It was bad. I was so overwhelmed with being in the hospital again and being pumped full of these drugs that made me feel so bad. How could something that made me feel so wretched possibly be good for Porter? Everything that went into my system passed through to him, and my Mama Bear instinct just reared its head. I wanted to rip out my IV so that it would just end.

Well, Scott and the nurses finally calmed me down enough to where I agreed to be a good patient and keep my IV in. The Mag started working to control my contractions, so after about 3 hours they stopped it. Of course, 10 minutes later the contractions were back and I had to go back on. There may or may not have been more tears... I literally just had to make up my mind to trust God, and I laid the situation at His feet.

So the doctor on call comes around to "check" me about 7o'clock that morning. I was 3+ cm and 50% effaced - meaning I was in labor and the contractions were working. She wanted to continue me on the Mag a little longer, but then stopped it around lunch time to see if the contractions would kick back in. I was able to eat a little something once the Mag started wearing off and the doctor came back in to "check" me again around 1 p.m. Well, she did and she asked, "Has your water broken?" I told her I wasn't sure, but I thought it may have. She immediately did an ultrasound in the room, expressed her concerns about Porter's size, and then noticed calcification on my placenta. They did a test for amniotic fluid leakage, and then we had to wait.

But not for very long. About 30 minutes later a nurse came in and said, "The test for amniotic fluid came back positive. Since you just ate lunch, your c-section has been scheduled for 8:30 tonight." And then she left the room. I was nervous and excited all at the same time. Excited that it was finally time for all of this to be over, excited to meet my little fella, but nervous as everything about the c-section. Unfortunately for me, I had all day to wait and let those nerves build and build.

At 8 p.m. Scott is told to put on his scrubs and the anesthesiologist comes in to administer my epidural. I had done an epidural before, so in my mind things were still normal. But all that ended when they told me to lay back down on the gurney and they started rolling me down the hall. I had a really nice nurse named Mary who asked, "Are you doing OK?" as we were going down the hall...and I said, "No."

Here's when the tears really started.

I cried from that moment until after my surgery was complete. I had puddles of tears in my ears. Seriously!

While I was being maneuvered from the gurney to the operating table, the tears were coming. The nurses and techs kept asking if I was alright, and I just shook my head no. Because I wasn't. When the blue curtain went up, more tears came. When the doctor said, "I'll talk to you and tell you everything that I'm doing," tears came. They just never stopped. All I could think was this isn't natural; this is not the way my baby is supposed to come into the world. This is not how a mama's body is made to deliver. This is not what I wanted for my third birth.

Lucky for me I have the best husband that God could have given me. Lucky for me, my man of few words decided that he needed to talk to me non-stop from the moment surgery began until the time it ended. Lucky for me, Scott showed me how much he loved me when I needed it most. I am one lucky, truly blessed lady.

So Porter was born just a screamin'! Those rounds of steroid shots really did their job. :) It was very hard to be able to hear him, but not be able to see him. Because of his pre-maturity there was none of the stuff that you see on A Baby Story where the doctor holds him up over the curtain or the nurse brings him over to my face. Nope, there was a team of doctors and nurses waiting in the corner of the operating room and they took him immediately once he was out. While I was being stitched up, the neonatologist came and got Scott. We decided beforehand, no matter how I was emotionally, Scott was to go with Porter. It was hard to let Scott go, but nurse Mary came over and took Scott's place.

Mary was with me every second during recovery, and Scott made a couple of appearances. He was as good as he could have been - running back and forth between two floors to check on me and stay connected with what was going on with Porter. He brought pictures to show me what was going on in the NICU while I stayed with Mary.

So about an hour later I was taken to my post-partum room, and in came Scott. Ahhhh! :)

OK, if you're queasy, you may not want to read this...but I want to document everything so I don't forget. Although, I don't think I could forget this if I tried.

Not too long after being in my post-partum room my new nurse was checking me out and noticed that my incision was bleeding A LOT. She called for the doctor who did my surgery to come in.

Start tears. Again.

Now, my epidural was still in, but don't think of it as the same level of epidural that I had during surgery to block everything. Don't even think of it as an epidural during a vaginal delivery to ease that pain. No, the epidural was now more of a "take the edge off." And it really wasn't working at all.

So the doctor told me that she was going to have to drain my incision - all 8 inches of it - by hand. Meaning, she had to push on and pinch my JUST OVER AN HOUR OLD SURGICAL INCISION to drain all of the blood that was pooling up in my abdomen. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever been in. All I could do in my head was scream not to throw up because that would be the only thing that could make the pain worse. It lasted for almost 15 minutes, and when it was over Scott told me he had the utmost respect for me after watching the doctor do that. It was excruciating.

After that, things settled down. Pain has become manageable. A c-section is a completely new experience for me. With Ella Beth and Landon I literally had the best labor experiences of anyone I have ever known. Easy recoveries, great hospital stays, ready to leave and go home.

This time...it's really, really hard. The pain is bad, and I am constantly trying out different pain tolerance plans - 2 percocet at night, 1 every four hours during the day + 2 Aleve every twelve hours. Sometimes if I walk too much, it's 2 Percocet a couple of times during the day. There's no easy way to get in or out of the bed, or go to the bathroom, or get dressed, or shower. It's just a whole new ballgame. And I am terrified of going home tomorrow night! I'm not ready!!! I want to stay another week to recover more and get the pain under control. Here Ella Beth and Landon visit, but then they go to Nana's. It's hard to stay out of the danger zone when the kiddos are around. They are right at my incision level, and Lord help all of us if they were to hit my incision. Terrified to go home!!!

But, insurance says I must go tomorrow. Gulp!
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So that's part 1 of "Round Three." Tomorrow I'll update on how things have been with having a baby in the NICU. That's a whole new ballgame in and of itself, too.

34 week VENT

This morning I went to the doctor for a follow-up from being discharged from the hospital a day and a half ago. It wasn't the best appointment.

For starters, I was feeling rather rough again this morning, but I really thought I could fake it through my appointment. Turns out, those darn nurses and midwives and blood pressure machines are pretty smart. My blood pressure was higher than it's ever been this morning, and it was due to the fact that I was sitting in the doctor's office in pre-term labor yet again. Seriously? You've got to be kidding me. I knew that I was having some discomfort, but really???

So I am monitored and "checked out" and I am told that I need to go back to the hospital. Well, that was too much for this over-it-and-on-the-edge mama to take. I just started crying. Wasn't I JUST discharged??? I begged and pleaded, and cried. There is nothing good about being in the hospital. Nothing. And the fact that I'm going to have to be there longer after Porter is born is NOT a benefit of a c-section. Waaaaa!

The doctor and midwife want to "re-evaluate" my due date and bump me back a week since I am still measuring "so small." OK, seriously? I have been on the same small growth curve this entire pregnancy, and even though I did gain more weight with Ella Beth and Landon and grow a few more centimeters...I still just have little babies. Sometimes I feel like the people who should know better forget to add common sense into their evaluations. And, it's just driving me crazy. Waaaaa!

They sent me to the hospital for pre-term labor last Thursday, but then sent me home 3 days later b/c my blood pressure was rising due to my swelling and continuous medications. Today, they want to ignore the blood pressure and send me back to the hospital b/c I am in pre-term labor again. "It's finding a balance," they say.

I can't win, and this whole back-and-forth is really hard to take. Of course, I want a healthy baby boy more than anything...but if it's going to cost me my sanity, they are just going to have to fully sedate me until it's time to deliver. I can't take much more of this! Not to mention that it's also really hard on Scott and the kiddos. Poor Scott has more work than he knows what to do with (which is a huge blessing being self-employeed) - just not the easiest schedule to keep right now, and the kiddos are beyond confused. I try my hardest not to wince in front of them when the contractions and cramping start, and when I left to go to the doctor this morning Ella Beth asked, "Are you coming home?" They just have such sweet spirits, and they just want their mama. Love them so much!

But, I did "win" at the doctor. I told them I just wanted to go home (there may or may not have been a runny nose and sobs involved). If more contractions start or any of the "other signs" that I am to watch for closely show, then it's back to the hospital for me - where I "will NOT be released under any circumstance." So, hopefully, Porter and I will stay out of the hospital and then next time I'm there it's to celebrate his much anticipated and glorious birthday.

I know that within a year's time, maybe even less, this whole pregnancy will be a blur and will be a thing of the past. I know that there are women who would give their right arms to be in my position - with a living baby inside their wombs; I was one of those women. I also know that God is stretching me way beyond what I thought I could endure to allow me to relinquish all control and to trust in Him. My heart and my head know this. And I truly am thankful. But sometimes it's really, really hard.

My prayer request would be that Porter stay healthy and strong, and that I will deliver in about two weeks. :)

Multitudes on Monday

959. I am 33/34 weeks pregnant. (Went to the doctor this morning and they want to bump my due date back a week...that's another post - and there were lots of tears for multiple reasons...)

960. I'm out of the hospital for now!

961. I can move around without an IV and monitors hanging from my body

962. the swelling that I acquired from a continuous IV and from multiple drugs is dwindling down

963. friends who visited while I was in the hospital

964. nice nurses

965. agreeable doctors

966. hearing Porter's heartbeat for hours and hours

967. feeling him move inside of me - even if he won't get out of his breech position

968. allergy medicine for Landon

969. eye drops that work pretty quickly to clear up Landon's eyes

970. swapping out winter clothes for spring

Colossians 3:17, "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Home Sweet Home

Believe me when I say that no one was more shocked than me when the doctor came in this morning, talked to me for about 20 minutes, and then asked if I wanted to go home. What?!?! After the last couple of days, Scott and the nurses had me convinced that I'd be in the hospital until it was time to deliver. Shocked! In all honesty, other than just being out of the hospital, I am so glad to be here for Ella Beth's sake. She is such my little sensitive and intuitive little girl, so having me gone for days and in the hospital has been hard on her. Happy to be here where I'm needed. :)

This morning, the doctor checked me out and noticed that I was swelling a LOT. Of course it is due to the continuous IV fluids and the fact that I was only allowed out of bed to go to the bathroom. Even with my feet constantly raised and sexy compression leggins (ha!), the swelling was getting worse by the hour. Because I am already high risk, extra fluid building up (especially when it was happening so fast) could put me at an even higher risk for pre-eclampsia. The doctor wants to avoid adding that on to my body at all costs!

I was sent home with 187 pills of Procardia to help lessen my contractions and strict instructions. I am 2 cm dilated and 30% effaced, so the contractions are definitely changing me. I was told that the next time they see me, whether it be Monday or in three weeks...Porter will be delivered. Hoping for at least another week or two to keep him baking! I go back to my OB on Monday, and they will check me out to see if anything has progressed since my release from prison the hospital. ;)

So I am home resting on the couch while my mama took the kiddos out for a little while. As I walked into our home, my first thought was, "Our house may be small, but it's still home and I am so happy to be here with my family!"

Hospital bedrest and updates

So...hospital bedrest is much different than bedrest at home. Turns out, I should have enjoyed/appreciated bedrest at home a lot more. Ha!

I guess the hardest things about being in the hospital is that I am here alone much more than ever being at home. Scott has been in and out for the last two days, but with two other kiddos it's not like both of us can drop everything for an indefinite amount of time. Landon had his 4 year old check up today, so Scott left early this morning to go home and shower before taking Landon at 10 a.m. This is the first appointment that I've never gone to for either one of the kiddos; it was a little sad. But Scott has to work all weekend to make up for not working yesterday and today, so alone I'll be. Hopefully, I will have two little toe-heads popping in a time or two to brighten my days. :)

For right now, I am here until "at least Monday." I will be 34 weeks on Monday, which is good. If I can make it to 35 weeks that would be really good! The contractions haven't stopped, but they are being managed by medications. I was being given Terburtaline, but started having pretty serious side effects so they switched me to Procardia. They have had to increase my dosage because it was wearing off about 3 hours into the 8 hour dose; so now I take it every 4 hours. As someone who doesn't take meds very often, it's kinda hard to take drugs over and over - especially being pregnant. But as one of my nurses told me, "We are in the business of making babies healthy so everything we give you and do to you is for baby's best interest." Trusting, trusting, trusting!

I saw the perinatologist yesterday. It was a good appointment, and it was a little disheartening all in one. Porter looks good - measuring right at 4 lbs even, so he has kept his growth pattern consistent. The perinatologist said he if he were to make it to the same fetal age as Landon, he would be about the same size. But, it was disheartening to know that Porter is not only still in the frank breech position, but his tushy has "lodged into my pelvis and isn't going anywhere." Therefore, unless a huge miracle were to move this little fella out of his comfort zone, I will be having a c-section. I must say that there were tears shed because a c-section is just not what I had in mind. After two incredibly easy vaginal deliveries, I definitely didn't expect to have to change that. But, I am thankful that God has prepared me ahead of time. The more I talk about it with Scott, and the more I hear the doctors talk about it, the more the reality is sinking in. I am also researching a lot online and with friends who have had c-sections to prepare myself for what happens afterward. It's going to be tricky nursing at first, being in pain and on (more) drugs to manage pain, not being able to move easily or drive or go up/down stairs, etc...it's all going to be very different. But, I'm just thankful to prepare myself as much as possible.

It's so funny how the LESS I do the MORE tired I am. Of course, my body has been working hard in contracting multiple times an hour...but since I'm not allowed to even walk the halls, it's just hard to believe how tired I am. That being said...I think I'll try to catch a little shut-eye. Well, until the nurses come in and wake me up. ;)

Thank you, thank you for your prayers! They are appreciated and valued more than I can explain.

Pregnancy update :: 33 weeks

I am 33 weeks pregnant. I honestly can't believe we've made it this far, but I am thankful! There are "signs" that things have started happening for impending labor, but only time will tell.

Heartburn? Rarely these days, so that's a plus.

Maternity clothes? I think we've covered this...but YES. I still have a hard time finding things to fit (being very petite does have downsides), and I seriously wear the same 6 shirts over and over. But, with the weather warming up to the high 70s low - 80s this week, I'm just having to wear whatever I can - whether it's fashionable or not. ;)

Weight gain? Yes. I've had lots of tummy issues with this pregnancy, so my weight has shifted dramatically between my recent appointments.

Swelling? Up until this weekend, just normal swelling. But, with the warming temps, my fingers are very swollen and my feet look a little pudgy to me. My face also looks like it's fattened up again. I'll blame that on the heat, too. Can't believe I want to turn the AC on in March!

Cravings? Pineapple, pineapple, pineapple. And, chips and salsa.

Feeling movement? Yes, although his movements have changed from punches to rolling around these days. I'm just hoping he's rolled into a head DOWN position by now.

Tired? Yawn, I mean Yes. It's an early bed time for this mama every night.

"Pluses" from this pregnancy: 1) I again do not have the dark line down my belly. I wonder if it's hormonal because I had it with Ella Beth, but have not had it with either of the boys' pregnancies. 2) While my back has started aching, I have not had sciatica. I had it with Ella Beth, but not this go 'round. 3) I haven't cut my hair! I cut my hair to a short bob at the end of my two previous pregnancies, and I promised myself I wouldn't do it again.

Favorite pregnancy moment this month? Ella Beth's love of her little brother is one of my favorite memories for this entire pregnancy. She is going to be SUCH a great big, big sister and is going to be such a great help to me. She runs up and hugs Porter a number of times each day. She talks to him and about him. She will say, "Mommy, you go sit down and rest so you and Porter will feel well" throughout the day. And she's just so excited about his arrival. She prays for him daily and nightly, and it's just so sweet the bond that she already has with him. I can't wait for them to meet and to watch Ella Beth's "little mama" come into action! (Of course, I'm already preparing myself mentally for the extra "help" that she is going to bring - but I know that she will be doing everything with the sweetest of intentions, and that melts my heart. )

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Pictures:

There are two belly shots this month. I can't believe I actually post these pics. Whew, look at that belly!!!

Multitutes on Monday

933. I am 33 weeks pregnant...and feeling miserable

934. feeling miserable because that means I'm getting closer and closer to meeting Porter!

935. perspective shifts ;)

936. school that is finished before lunch

937. Ella Beth asking if she could do two MORE math problems after she finished her assignment!

938. the ease at which Ella Beth learns and soaks up new information - she makes me look like a much better teacher than I actually am

939. Ella Beth reading a 1st/2nd grade level book out loud and being so proud of herself

940. Highlights and High Five magazines for days when we need a little variety and fun mixed in our school days

941. Landon finding the Hidden Pictures in record time (even if it does frustrate his big sister!)

942. long, relaxing weekends

943. realizing after weeks of bed rest that I am more of a homebody than I thought

944. homemade tacos

945. left over homemade tacos

956. queso dip - yum!

957. Landon sleeping until 8:20 a.m. and Ella Beth sleeping until 9:10 a.m. this morning - the upside of day light savings

958. being reminded by God to "Be still [in His presence] and wait patiently for Him to act." Ps. 37:7

Our Bible verse for the week in homeschool is one of thankfulness. I love teaching my children Truth and hiding it in their hearts on a daily basis -

Psalm 118:1 "Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."

Landon's 4th Birthday

Landon woke up to STREAMERS hanging from his door. This is a great way to start a fun day of celebrating!

And, you'd think that when given the option to have ANYTHING he wanted for breakfast that a 4-year old boy might choose pancakes or donuts...but not our Landon. Nope, he wanted cereal just like every other morning!

While Scott and the kiddos went to church, I made the birthday cake!

Landon's 4th birthday party was a LOT of fun! It was pretty low-key due to this mama being on bed rest, but it turns out that little boys don't seem to mind. :) I was "allowed" to help set up a few (very few) things and snap a few pics before the guests arrived.

(Since I wasn't "allowed" to do much at the party, my friend Jennifer took pictures for me. Glad someone else was there to run around and do it!)

Why recreate the wheel when Shoot the Can was such a big hit last year??? 

It proved to be a hit once again!

Best family shot we could get. ;)

The cake was a HUGE hit with the kiddos! 

It's not a Castleberry birthday without homemade ice cream!

Ella Beth was a big help to Landon without stealing the show. She brought him each present and then put the cards and gifts back in the bag/box to keep everything together. Such a GREAT big sister!!!

ROAR!

Trying his first piece of gum...turns out, he didn't like it. We didn't think our picky, picky eater would. ;)

We had a great time honoring our fella and helping him celebrate turning 4. I still can't believe my baby is FOUR and not going to be the baby much longer. But, Landon is one great little fella. He's funny, goofy, snuggly, wild, sweet, a monkey who climbs and flips on/off of everything, and he's such a great fit in our family! Just goes to prove that SURPRISES are so much fun!

Multitudes on Monday

920. I am 32 weeks pregnant

921. encouraging friends who I can call or text at any time

922. white chicken chili from my mama - my absolute favorite cold weather meal

923. salmon cakes and biscuits from my mother-in-law

924. going to church for the first time in 6 weeks...although it will be my last until after Porter arrives because I hurt SO BADLY for the rest of the day :(

925. Ella Beth finishing The Beginner's Bible and being so excited that she tells everyone, "I read the whole Bible all by myself!"

926. clear skies after a rainy day

927. a daughter who is very much opposite me in many ways to remind me that we are all different and lovely in God's sight

928. a little boy who is very much like me in many ways to make "other" days a little more manageable

929. listening to Ella Beth sing with Scott as he plays the guitar

930. blue MM's

931. setting up Porter's make-shift nursery in our room and anticipating his arrival

932. my friend Kim bringing us her mini pack-n-play and finding that it was the same one we had with Ella Beth - I am so sentimental that I find myself touching it and staring at it thinking of the tiny girl who slept there 5 1/2 years ago

Psalm 106:47 "Save us, Lord our God, and gather us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise."