Vanity

Lately the Lord has really been working on my personal struggle with vanity. I have struggled (as many girls/women have) for years with how I view myself. I am a perfectionist in every way, so I have always been hard on myself. Especially when it comes to my appearance.

But, the Lord has been using something - or should I say someone - to really bring my vanity front and center in my life.

My daughter.

Ouch, huh?

Like most mamas, when I found out I was pregnant with a little girl I went out and bought everything girly in every shade of pink to be found. Flowers on her crib bedding? Well, duh. A soft pallet to paint her room? Well, yeah. Dresses and hair bows and tights and frilly shoes? Of course! It was like playing dress up with a real live baby doll. I remember changing her clothes multiple times a day due to her dreadful reflux and thinking, "Oh, good. Now she can wear this today, too!"

But my little girl isn't growing up to be the frilly little Miss Priss that I thought she would. Now, she does like to wear a dress to church or to somewhere special, however, at any other time she wants to wear her "mud clothes." Mud? As in wet, nasty, smelly dirt? Yes. And oh. my. word. at how Ella Beth hates having her hair brushed or fixed.

And it pains me. It truly does. But why?

Here is where God's tender love allows His Holy Spirit to begin to work in me. Here is where God brings front and center my own struggle with vanity. I care what my daughter looks like because I think she is a reflection of me. If she looks pretty, then that somehow makes me look prettier. If her outfit is super cute and her hair bow and shoes coordinate perfectly, then somehow that makes me look better.

But Ella Beth was not created to be a reflection of me. Ella Beth was created to be a reflection of Him.

I have heard of women who dress their daughters to the nines in silly, frilly outfits to go to preschool. Outfits that are so uncomfortable that their daughters can't concentrate on their work or can't play outside on the playground with their friends; that they need to change half way through their 4 hour stay into the dreaded "extra change of clothes."  And come on, we all know that those extra clothes are something most moms just throw together hoping will never be worn. If Ella Beth went to public school, I am sure that I would have been guilty of this.

Lucky for both of us, God has really brought into view my vanity. How I can get so caught up in finding my own worth in appearances that I bring my daughter into the fold as well. And that is not where I want her to be. Her great worth comes from simply being a daughter of her heavenly Father.


My focus needs to be on Ella Beth's heart. My mission as a mother needs to be how to touch her heart for eternity. How I value her as a person will greatly influence how she values herself. And how she values herself will greatly influence how she feels God values her.

Christy Nockels has a new CD out, and one of her songs is "For Your Splendor" -

“I’m so concerned with what I look like from the outside.
Will I blossom into what You hope I’ll be.
Yet You’re so patient just to help me see.
The blooms come from a deeper seed that You planted in me.

And I’ll grow up strong and beautiful, all for Your splendor, Lord.
So with my arms stretched out, I’m swaying to Your heartbeat.
I’m growing with the sound of Your voice calling.
You’re bringing out the beauty that You have put in me.
For Your joy and for Your glory falling.”

 My deepest prayer is that Ella Beth will grow up for His splendor.