When your heart is heavy

2012. A new year. While it has started off very well (as in nothing bad, sad, horrible, or life-altering has happened), 2012 has still started off heavy for me.

I have tried my best to be quiet and listen patiently for what the Lord is trying to tell me, but no great epiphany came. Well, at least not one that I knew of at the time...

I thought about what my new year's goals/resolutions would be this year as compared to last year. One of the biggest things that I decided to change last year was to not complain. Of course, I know that I did not go 365 days without a complaint slipping from my lips (hello! I am pregnant...and pregnancy and I aren't the greatest of friends). But, I prayed really hard that the Lord would help me with this goal. I have seen what it is to be in need, and I know that I am not. Yes, I would l-o-v-e a brand-new-fully-loaded-mini-van to show up in my driveway 2 weeks before baby boy gets here. And, since I'm being honest, I would love for that mini-van to be parked in the driveway of a bigger house...but when my mind wanders to feeling anxious about fitting three kiddos into my smaller SUV and smaller house the Lord gently reminds me that a mini-van and a larger house are not necessities. A want? Yes. A need? No. And He also reminds me to be thankful for what I do have and not to complain.

All last year I listed out many of my Thanksgivings each Monday. I had already decided that I would give it up this year because I had fulfilled my resolution and met my goal.

And that is when the heaviness started to settle within my heart. At first, it was just a minor irritation - something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Why am I in a funk at the beginning of a new year and after a truly wonderful Christmas?

In my quietness, the Lord spoke to my heart and answered the question I had not even spoken out loud. God is so good, isn't He?

As clearly as my children's laughter, my heart heard: "You have forgotten to give Me thanks. You have neglected to thank Me. And, when you don't return thanks to Me where does that leave you?"

It left me with a heavy heart. So, my New Year's (Life's?) Resolution is again to give thanks to Him from whom all things come. As I look back to the reason I chose giving thanks as a goal last year, one sentence that I typed out on simple white keys resonated with my heart -

It is hard to be discontent when you count your blessings. 

Those simple 11 words changed me, and my heart has grown closer to God during the last year more than any other time in my life. All by giving Him thanks. When my heart was heavy it was my reminder to be grateful for all He has done, has given, has not done, has taken away. Because thanking God is trusting God. And trusting God is giving Him all the Glory and Honor that He deserves.

Psalm 9:1-2: "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High."