“[Motherhood as a mission field] is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.“ Rachel Jankovic
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Giving up yourself.
Lay yourself down.
Cheerfully.
Again.
Plans thwarted.
Sacrifice.
Are any of those easy for you, because none of those come naturally to me. If you had asked me before I became a mother if I was willing to sacrifice everything for my children, I would have said without a doubt or hesitation, "Yes!"
And then I became a mother.
And then I became a mother again. And now as I await sweet baby boy who will make me a mother yet again, that whole idea of sacrifice becomes harder.
When I just had Birdie-girl I honestly didn't have to sacrifice all that much. If I wanted to do something for myself, I had her nap times to do it by golly! Then when Buddy-Ro came along, if I wanted to do something for myself, I had their shared nap times to do it. That was until Birdie stopped napping. And then, Buddy-Ro stopped napping. And now, when do I make time for myself? What about me? Me, me, me!
Oh, wow. I think I have become a more selfish person since having kids. How in the world did that happen?
Yesterday, I was resting on my bed while the kiddos were watching 30 minutes of TV. As I "rested" I checked my email, checked FB, played Words With Friends. And, I asked myself (or quite possibly it was the Spirit asking), "What would you be doing if you didn't have that smart phone of yours?"
Ouch.
It hurt because I knew the answer as soon as the question was asked. I would be doing something with my kiddos. Whether it be snuggling as we watched TV together, or playing a game, or baking together, or teaching them to fold/clean/etc.
It all comes back to giving myself up. Laying myself down. Sacrificing. And, we are called to do it cheerfully. Out of love. Because we love.
Why is it so hard? For me, I think it is because I tend to focus on the negatives - "the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore." Whew! Those descriptions made me laugh because I can so relate. However, I tend to forget that my children are not an inconvenience; they are the children that God has given unto my care, trusted me with, to raise and love.
I don't want to be the mother who looks back 13 years from now when Birdie moves out and heads off to college and wishes that I had done things differently. No, I want to look back and see that I have done a great work. That I loved my children as much as I could; I spent as much time with them as possible; I enjoyed them to the fullest.
Will I take a break every now and then? Yes! In just 3 days I will be leaving for a mother's weekend retreat where I will be refreshed and strengthened. But, those breaks will be few and far between. I can not be a mother who feels entitled to "her space" and "her freedom" - because my children would be left without their mama (whether physically, mentally, or spiritually) way too often if I allowed myself to believe the lie that "Mama is entitled, so just leave me alone." Sure, I am 6 months pregnant and I am physically exhausted, but I can't waste the time that I have been given now. It is so hard on many days to make this choice. But I must.
"The days are long but the years are short."
So I will give myself up.
I will lay myself down.
I will choose to sacrifice myself.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Cheerfully.
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