Random!!!

So, I have a bit to re-cap on over the last couple of weeks...all of it random and unrelated...but, I do have pictures! :)

--

Shattered Dreams, is still proving to be a very enlightening read and I encourage everyone to find a copy and read it. It's sure to touch your heart - and it may even change it. Reading it during the Christmas season has been emotional. Celebrating the best gift we could have never asked for - love coming down in the form of a Savior - amidst shattered dreams is sometimes hard. However, I am finding that my faith is growing by simply celebrating that the BEST gift has already been given to me.

--

A couple of weeks ago (maybe even 3??), Scott and I took Ella Beth, Landon, and Scott's dad to the aquarium. Wow! It was crowded. Taking the double stroller was both a blessing and a curse. Maneuvering it through the crowd was a challenge at times, but I can only imagine if the kiddos had been out and wanting to walk the entire time that we were there...can anyone say trampled?!?!

My favorite sight was of course the sea turtle. My favorite animal for 25 years or so now.

Landon was fascinated by the alligators (crocodiles???).

And when they needed a stroller break from riding through the crowds, the tunnel did the trick!

--

A week or so later, Ella Beth worked on a surprise while Landon napped. I bought a gingerbread train kit for her, and she had a blast working on it. (Of course, it tested Mommy's patience a bit :: READ - what a mess!)

I love her concentration.

And the finished product.

--

While Scott was away in Illinois for his last hunting trip of the season, my mom came down for a visit. It was a very cold and windy weekend, but we bundled the kiddos up and took them for their first parade. Let's just say it was chilly cold FREEZING!!! (Not too long after this photo was taken, my bronchiolitis hit full force. Hmmmm...)

 

I think Landon was a little shocked by the cold temperature. ;)

All in all, it was a fun time. Ella Beth still talks about the parade, so I know she enjoyed it. There are just no pictures of her b/c she wouldn't let me put her down. "Mommy, you're keeping me warm so I just can't get down." Heard that more than once!

--

So I have this little confession. I have been on a mad hunt around our house for these little cars of Landon's. The kiddos like to hide them and have us find them (think Easter egg hunt). Well, apparently our kiddos have gotten way too good at this game b/c I can NOT find two of the cars. I have looked for at least two hours today...in every drawer, under every piece of furniture, in dirty clothes baskets, closets, and under sofa cushions. It is driving me bonkers. I told Scott that I can't go to bed until I find them, so I'm off to hunt those little boogers out. OCD much?!?!

Shattered Dreams

I am reading the book Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb. Actually, I am reading it and re-reading it at the same time. It has been such a profound book for me and "where I'm at" that I find that I can't read it like a typical book. I have read each chapter at least 3 times, and I am only on Chapter 8.Basically, the book is based on the idea that

       "Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit first to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream."

Chapter One is titled, "My Problem With God." I knew that I was going to find this book enlightening just by that title. You see, 2009 has been a year where I have had my fair share of "problems with God." Call me a brat (and it's OK if you do...nicely please...because I have called myself one recently) - so call me a brat, but I've really been fed up with God because I simply haven't been getting my way.

Wow. Talk about cold reality.

When I finally came to terms with what I've really been struggling with over the past 12 months, it hit me like a fist in the face.

I haven't been getting my way. And I've been bitter about it.

You see, in my worldly opinion there's nothing wrong with My Way. I want healthy children. Seems fair to ask for; fair to receive. I want a different, nicer, bigger house. Seems fair to ask for; everyone else I know has one.

God has not granted me either of my requests. Ella Beth still gets sick too often with no medical explanations, and we are still crammed in our split foyer, carrying groceries upstairs from the garage, little bitty house.

And I've been bitter.

As Crabb asks, "How do we trust a sometimes disappointing, seemingly fickle God who fails to do for us what good friends, if they could, would do?"

And then he answers.

"The problem sincere Christians have with God often comes down to a wrong understanding of what this life is meant to provide. We naturally and wrongly assume we're here to experience something God has never promised...Both good hopes and best hopes are guaranteed in heaven. But fulfillment of the best hopes is not yet promised in this life."

The highest dream we can ever experience is being in the presence of God. We will not suffer in heaven. Every imaginable dream will come true.

But this life is not meant to provide the fulfillment of the highest dream. This life is meant to "stir an appetite for a higher purpose -- the better hope of knowing God well enough to love Him above everything else...and trusting Him no matter what happens." Trusting Him above our shattered dreams.

Trusting God above our shattered dreams.

Trusting God when we don't get our way.

Trusting God even when He seems so distant we wonder if He even cares.

It's hard.

For me, I have wrongly equated God blessing me with God loving me. If God gives me what I want, He must love me. If God refuses to grant my requests, He must be with-holding His love from me.

But, I couldn't be more wrong.

It's hard to even type this - but having healthy children (specifically Ella Beth, my 3-year old daughter) is just a Good Dream. It's not the Best Dream.

A nicer house is just a good dream.

God doesn't want me to settle for Good when He can provide what's Best.

Shattered dreams open the door to this Best Dream, a dream that we do not properly understand until those "good dreams" are destroyed.

My good dreams have been destroyed. Over and over again. Two separate contracts on our house falling through. Ella Beth hospitalized, re-hospitalized, relapsing, and still having no medical conclusion.

Destruction of dreams is painful. It has been tear-wrenching, fist-waving, fightin' word screaming, door shutting slamming (me, not God) - hard.

But this suffering still has a purpose. It's been long; it's been hard; it's been trying and frustrating. But is has also been bringing me to the place where I no longer want to settle.

I no longer want to demand what's good.

I am beginning to desire what's best.

Crabb envisions Jesus speaking to us in the Garden of Gethsemane saying,

        "Some of your fondest dreams will shatter, and you will be tempted to lose hope. I will seem to you callous or, worse, weak -- unresponsive to your pain. You will wonder if I cannot do anything or simply will not. I will seem to withdraw from you and do nothing. BUT, a plan is unfolding that you can not clearly see. If you could see it as I do, you would still hurt [shattered dreams], but you would not lose hope. You would gladly remain faithful to me in the middle of the worst suffering."

Why?

Because we have hope of the BEST that is to come.

Shattered Dreams

I am reading the book Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb. Actually, I am reading it and re-reading it at the same time. It has been such a profound book for me and "where I'm at" that I find that I can't read it like a typical book. I have read each chapter at least 3 times, and I am only on Chapter 8.Basically, the book is based on the idea that

       "Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit first to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream."

Chapter One is titled, "My Problem With God." I knew that I was going to find this book enlightening just by that title. You see, 2009 has been a year where I have had my fair share of "problems with God." Call me a brat (and it's OK if you do...nicely please...because I have called myself one recently) - so call me a brat, but I've really been fed up with God because I simply haven't been getting my way.

Wow. Talk about cold reality.

When I finally came to terms with what I've really been struggling with over the past 12 months, it hit me like a fist in the face.

I haven't been getting my way. And I've been bitter about it.

You see, in my worldly opinion there's nothing wrong with My Way. I want healthy children. Seems fair to ask for; fair to receive. I want a different, nicer, bigger house. Seems fair to ask for; everyone else I know has one.

God has not granted me either of my requests. Ella Beth still gets sick too often with no medical explanations, and we are still crammed in our split foyer, carrying groceries upstairs from the garage, little bitty house.

And I've been bitter.

As Crabb asks, "How do we trust a sometimes disappointing, seemingly fickle God who fails to do for us what good friends, if they could, would do?"

And then he answers.

"The problem sincere Christians have with God often comes down to a wrong understanding of what this life is meant to provide. We naturally and wrongly assume we're here to experience something God has never promised...Both good hopes and best hopes are guaranteed in heaven. But fulfillment of the best hopes is not yet promised in this life."

The highest dream we can ever experience is being in the presence of God. We will not suffer in heaven. Every imaginable dream will come true.

But this life is not meant to provide the fulfillment of the highest dream. This life is meant to "stir an appetite for a higher purpose -- the better hope of knowing God well enough to love Him above everything else...and trusting Him no matter what happens." Trusting Him above our shattered dreams.

Trusting God above our shattered dreams.

Trusting God when we don't get our way.

Trusting God even when He seems so distant we wonder if He even cares.

It's hard.

For me, I have wrongly equated God blessing me with God loving me. If God gives me what I want, He must love me. If God refuses to grant my requests, He must be with-holding His love from me.

But, I couldn't be more wrong.

It's hard to even type this - but having healthy children (specifically Ella Beth, my 3-year old daughter) is just a Good Dream. It's not the Best Dream.

A nicer house is just a good dream.

God doesn't want me to settle for Good when He can provide what's Best.

Shattered dreams open the door to this Best Dream, a dream that we do not properly understand until those "good dreams" are destroyed.

My good dreams have been destroyed. Over and over again. Two separate contracts on our house falling through. Ella Beth hospitalized, re-hospitalized, relapsing, and still having no medical conclusion.

Destruction of dreams is painful. It has been tear-wrenching, fist-waving, fightin' word screaming, door shutting slamming (me, not God) - hard.

But this suffering still has a purpose. It's been long; it's been hard; it's been trying and frustrating. But is has also been bringing me to the place where I no longer want to settle.

I no longer want to demand what's good.

I am beginning to desire what's best.

Crabb envisions Jesus speaking to us in the Garden of Gethsemane saying,

        "Some of your fondest dreams will shatter, and you will be tempted to lose hope. I will seem to you callous or, worse, weak -- unresponsive to your pain. You will wonder if I cannot do anything or simply will not. I will seem to withdraw from you and do nothing. BUT, a plan is unfolding that you can not clearly see. If you could see it as I do, you would still hurt [shattered dreams], but you would not lose hope. You would gladly remain faithful to me in the middle of the worst suffering."

Why?

Because we have hope of the BEST that is to come.

Is More really More? Or is Less More?

The question of What's more - More? or Less? has really been on my heart lately.

I find myself wanting to be involved in everything so that I'm not missing out on anything. Admittedly, I am on Facebook too often, was on Twitter too often, and am also addicted to my friends' blogs.

In the last two months all of the time I have been "investing" in everything else has started to weigh on my heart. Earlier this week I spent almost 2 hours on Facebook - chatting with old friends, looking through photo albums, creating new photo albums on my own account, catching up on what my friends (and acquaintances) are up to. I honestly felt as though I deserved that "down time" in my day because I had not had much time to myself lately. But at the end of those 2 hours, I felt a conviction in my heart.

It's like I heard God saying to me, "Those last two hours could have been spent with Me."

Talk about causing me to pause.

So what do I do with that conviction? My first reaction was to immediately delete my Facebook account. But, I didn't. Not yet, at least. I'm still praying about that.

You see, I have been able to reconnect with people on FB and through blogs - some of whom I have had the opportunity to encourage and uplift, and many of whom I have been encouraged by. I don't know what to do with that. I'm not into having a ba-zillion "friends" on FB or blog lists, so my goal is not to simply be popular. (I "ignore" friend requests often simply b/c I'm not into letting just any old acquaintance see all my business - and photos of my kiddos.) But I do enjoy connecting with old and new friends, and I have honestly seen how God can use social media as a tool for Him.

I think, for me, it's where my priorities are. Why do I "invest" so much time in small things and not truly invest in big things?

I have made a list of values. It's short, as it should be:

            *Invest in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

            *Invest in my relationship with Scott.

            *Invest in my relationships with Birdie and Buddy-Ro.

            *Intentionally spend time with God, Scott, Birdie, Buddy-Ro, and close family and friends so that I can be built up with encouragement and be used by God to further His Kingdom.

Hmmm...doesn't seem like FB and other fore mentioned distractions fit in with my values too well.

I feel that I have been making some progress. In the last month, I have made a rule for myself that when I am spending time with my kiddos the computer stays OFF. For me, the internet is like this massive black hole that sucks me in and distracts me.

And, I don't want to be distracted.

I have such fleeting time with my Birdie-girl (who is already closing in on 3 1/2) and Buddy-Ro (who is almost 2). Why do I want to be distracted from that? Why do I want to waste what precious time I have with them?

Like I said, I don't.

I've really decided to start blogging more intentionally, from my heart (when my kiddos are asleep!). And I'm going to be spending less time on Facebook. Hopefully, my true friends will still know where to find me and send their encouragement. :)

So...my answer to the question "What's more - More? or Less?"

For me, it's what defines More/Less.

If it's More time being intentionally devoted to my values - then the answer is More.

If it's Less time being distracted and pulled away from where my heart is truly led - to the cross of my Savior - then the answer is Less.

--

What's your answer?

Is More really More? Or is Less More?

The question of What's more - More? or Less? has really been on my heart lately.

I find myself wanting to be involved in everything so that I'm not missing out on anything. Admittedly, I am on Facebook too often, was on Twitter too often, and am also addicted to my friends' blogs.

In the last two months all of the time I have been "investing" in everything else has started to weigh on my heart. Earlier this week I spent almost 2 hours on Facebook - chatting with old friends, looking through photo albums, creating new photo albums on my own account, catching up on what my friends (and acquaintances) are up to. I honestly felt as though I deserved that "down time" in my day because I had not had much time to myself lately. But at the end of those 2 hours, I felt a conviction in my heart.

It's like I heard God saying to me, "Those last two hours could have been spent with Me."

Talk about causing me to pause.

So what do I do with that conviction? My first reaction was to immediately delete my Facebook account. But, I didn't. Not yet, at least. I'm still praying about that.

You see, I have been able to reconnect with people on FB and through blogs - some of whom I have had the opportunity to encourage and uplift, and many of whom I have been encouraged by. I don't know what to do with that. I'm not into having a ba-zillion "friends" on FB or blog lists, so my goal is not to simply be popular. (I "ignore" friend requests often simply b/c I'm not into letting just any old acquaintance see all my business - and photos of my kiddos.) But I do enjoy connecting with old and new friends, and I have honestly seen how God can use social media as a tool for Him.

I think, for me, it's where my priorities are. Why do I "invest" so much time in small things and not truly invest in big things?

I have made a list of values. It's short, as it should be:

            *Invest in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

            *Invest in my relationship with Scott.

            *Invest in my relationships with Ella Beth and Landon.

            *Intentionally spend time with God, Scott, Ella Beth, Landon, and close family and friends so that I can be built up with encouragement and be used by God to further His Kingdom.

Hmmm...doesn't seem like FB and other fore mentioned distractions fit in with my values too well.

I feel that I have been making some progress. In the last month, I have made a rule for myself that when I am spending time with my kiddos the computer stays OFF. For me, the internet is like this massive black hole that sucks me in and distracts me.

And, I don't want to be distracted.

I have such fleeting time with Ella Beth (who is already closing in on 3 1/2) and Landon (who is almost 2). Why do I want to be distracted from that? Why do I want to waste what precious time I have with them?

Like I said, I don't.

I've really decided to start blogging more intentionally, from my heart (when my kiddos are asleep!). And I'm going to be spending less time on Facebook. Hopefully, my true friends will still know where to find me and send their encouragement. :)

So...my answer to the question "What's more - More? or Less?"

For me, it's what defines More/Less.

If it's More time being intentionally devoted to my values - then the answer is More.

If it's Less time being distracted and pulled away from where my heart is truly led - to the cross of my Savior - then the answer is Less.

--

What's your answer?

Is More really More? Or is Less More?

The question of What's more - More? or Less? has really been on my heart lately.

I find myself wanting to be involved in everything so that I'm not missing out on anything. Admittedly, I am on Facebook too often, was on Twitter too often, and am also addicted to my friends' blogs.

In the last two months all of the time I have been "investing" in everything else has started to weigh on my heart. Earlier this week I spent almost 2 hours on Facebook - chatting with old friends, looking through photo albums, creating new photo albums on my own account, catching up on what my friends (and acquaintances) are up to. I honestly felt as though I deserved that "down time" in my day because I had not had much time to myself lately. But at the end of those 2 hours, I felt a conviction in my heart.

It's like I heard God saying to me, "Those last two hours could have been spent with Me."

Talk about causing me to pause.

So what do I do with that conviction? My first reaction was to immediately delete my Facebook account. But, I didn't. Not yet, at least. I'm still praying about that.

You see, I have been able to reconnect with people on FB and through blogs - some of whom I have had the opportunity to encourage and uplift, and many of whom I have been encouraged by. I don't know what to do with that. I'm not into having a ba-zillion "friends" on FB or blog lists, so my goal is not to simply be popular. (I "ignore" friend requests often simply b/c I'm not into letting just any old acquaintance see all my business - and photos of my kiddos.) But I do enjoy connecting with old and new friends, and I have honestly seen how God can use social media as a tool for Him.

I think, for me, it's where my priorities are. Why do I "invest" so much time in small things and not truly invest in big things?

I have made a list of values. It's short, as it should be:

            *Invest in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

            *Invest in my relationship with Scott.

            *Invest in my relationships with Ella Beth and Landon.

            *Intentionally spend time with God, Scott, Ella Beth, Landon, and close family and friends so that I can be built up with encouragement and be used by God to further His Kingdom.

Hmmm...doesn't seem like FB and other fore mentioned distractions fit in with my values too well.

I feel that I have been making some progress. In the last month, I have made a rule for myself that when I am spending time with my kiddos the computer stays OFF. For me, the internet is like this massive black hole that sucks me in and distracts me.

And, I don't want to be distracted.

I have such fleeting time with Ella Beth (who is already closing in on 3 1/2) and Landon (who is almost 2). Why do I want to be distracted from that? Why do I want to waste what precious time I have with them?

Like I said, I don't.

I've really decided to start blogging more intentionally, from my heart (when my kiddos are asleep!). And I'm going to be spending less time on Facebook. Hopefully, my true friends will still know where to find me and send their encouragement. :)

So...my answer to the question "What's more - More? or Less?"

For me, it's what defines More/Less.

If it's More time being intentionally devoted to my values - then the answer is More.

If it's Less time being distracted and pulled away from where my heart is truly led - to the cross of my Savior - then the answer is Less.

--

What's your answer?

Howdy, Hi, and Hello!

Yes, I am still here! I've had a couple good excuses for my lack of blogging lately:

1) Ella Beth got the Swine Flu. She was down for the count for two l-o-n-g weeks. Bless her heart, she was super sick and very miserable. The flu (like everything else) hit her in her gut. She was throwing up for hours on end for four straight days; then on the potty; then both at the same time. Oh My Word. Let's just say that there is NO WORD for that! At first, we were a little panicky thinking that it was going to be a repeat of March. Luckily, it was "just" H1N1. Believe me, you don't want it.

2) Scott left me and kiddos for a week and went hunting in Illinois. Thankfully, Ella Beth was already on the mend.

Needless to say, I had not a spare moment in my day. The entire week that Scott was gone, I didn't even get on my computer at home. In the evenings when the kiddos went to bed -- so did I.

Oh...did I mention that when Scott is out of town Landon REFUSES to sleep? Oh yeah...that's one small detail! For who knows what reason, the boy will not go down at night for me when Scott's not at home. It honestly took me an hour each night to put him down, and then he was up an hour later. He slept in the bed with me after two nights of getting up with him every 45 minutes. I was beyond exhausted. Thankfully, he is sleeping just fine - in his own bed - now that Scott is home. Crazy boy.

--

Before all of the aforementioned drama...I took pictures of the kiddos for our Christmas cards. Which I have addressed and ready to send out on Friday morning. :o)

I won't share the photos from the cards, but how about some that...well, didn't quite make the cut???

Not this one.

Nope, not this one.

Nope, nope. Not this one either.

And, definitely not this one.  Ahem, Ella Beth I said to HUG your brother!

--

Happy Thanksgiving!