Last night we went to our small group where we meet with five other couples to "do life" together for a couple of years. We have been sharing our "stories" in order to get to know one another and be vulnerable with one another so that we can be REAL together.
All of our stories are different. But they are all the same. Everyone one of us has pain and disappointment and hurts in our lives. From those who look like they have perfect lives to those who carry a little more weight on their shoulders. We have all been in the same place. The place where we have felt the emptiness, have tried to fill that emptiness, and we had to make the decision of what to do with it.
We all have a hole inside of us that we long to fill. We fill it with sex, alcohol, drugs, perfection, control, friends, children. But those things never fill the hole. They can't fill the hole - because they do not fit. We all have a God-sized hole that ONLY He can fill. All of us. We are no different. Jesus isn't for the beautiful, the rich, the good, the smart, the organized, the middle class, those who have it all together. Jesus is for the broken. And we are all broken.
It does not matter who you are or where you're from or what you've done or how you've lived or the decisions you've made. The truth is there is no other way to fill the emptiness inside of you except through the cross of Christ. He loves you. You, with all of your mistakes and your bad decisions and your sins. He loves you. He loves me, with my sins and my struggles and my bad decisions. God only sees you through eyes of love. And once you give your life to Christ, God does not see your past mistakes and sins. He only sees the love of Christ that has washed over you. When you come to Christ, you come by the way of repentance. You turn away from the bad and turn to The Good. You admit that He is the only One who can change you. He can. He will.
So many of us look at the world and have a hard time believing in and trusting God because of all the evil in the world. I have been one of those people. I have seen first hand injustice and unfairness and evil, but I have come to understand that the world is not evil because of guns and bombs and war and abuse and lust and greed. The world is evil because of the hearts behind those things. Hearts that are empty do evil things.
The cross is offensive because it demands a new lifestyle. Sin is a disease that is incurable without God's love. Yes, the cross is offensive, but God's love is not. God watched His only son die a horrible and painfully cruel death - that we deserved. But God knew that the only way for us to be cured from the disease of sin was by the blood of His son.
Grace. God's grace fills that hole that each one of us has. Grace is something that we do not deserve, but it is offered to us anyway. And that is what God offers. Amazing grace.
I encourage you to watch this message from Billy Graham. It has two people in this video that you would not expect - a gang member and a girl who was suicidal. But God rescued them. He didn't judge them, He loved them. He loves you.
http://youtu.be/bba2Dqaw6SI
Showing posts with label Missions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Missions. Show all posts
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Readjusting
I am one of those people who has a difficult time readjusting to "normal life" after I return from a mission trip. But it's a different kind of adjustment this year. I guess over the last 2 years I've dealt with the feelings of guilt I normally return with that I was blessed to be born in the United States and have freedoms that many people in the world still do not have, that I am "rich" by the world's standards, and that my life is a good life.
This time I'm just having a hard time believing that my trip was real. You'd think that 11 days away would be very real - and it sure felt like an eternity while I was gone. But now that I'm home, it's just hard - it's as if it was all a dream and I can't remember the details. And I hate that. Our trip was so amazing, so full of God's presence, that I hate that I am having a hard time recalling all of the exact moments. I think I have realized that if Scott ever felt the calling to be a full time missionary I'd be on board in a nanosecond. Is that weird? Totally off the wall? Would my old life feel like just a dream if our family was called to serve full time? I don't know.
I am just praying that God will clear the fog because my heart already yearns to go back to Ngaamba. But, I know it will be a while before I return. Maybe that's why the fog has set in. Maybe I am subconsciously protecting my heart. I love the people of Ngaamba so much. They are truly amazing people - I don't pity them, because they don't need or want pity. In all honesty, they have everything that matters. James 2:5 says, "Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?"
I told a couple of my team members that for the first time I have actually seen Scripture word for word evident in my life - there are the poorest of the poor living in Ngaamba, but they are rich in faith. It is just as God's word says. I have never seen faith as evident as in the lives of the precious people in Ngaamba. They tell us - Americans, white, and rich - that they will pray for us because they know He will answer. Humbled. And just in awe. Is it any wonder I long to go back?!?
So...I have thought of posting pictures...but there are just SO many to share. I took well over 700 (only because I didn't have my camera with me one day and then my battery died at the end of the week). But I narrowed them down to the best 186. :) You can view them here if you'd like.
--
Thank you for all of your prayers, cards, and emails while I was gone. Scott and the kiddos were safe and healthy, and I was truly able to enjoy my time while I was away. I did miss my family, but not in a homesick way - just in a "I wish they were here to experience this with me" kind of way. But I know that without your prayers, I probably would have cried through the whole trip. So my team thanks you, and so do I. :)
This time I'm just having a hard time believing that my trip was real. You'd think that 11 days away would be very real - and it sure felt like an eternity while I was gone. But now that I'm home, it's just hard - it's as if it was all a dream and I can't remember the details. And I hate that. Our trip was so amazing, so full of God's presence, that I hate that I am having a hard time recalling all of the exact moments. I think I have realized that if Scott ever felt the calling to be a full time missionary I'd be on board in a nanosecond. Is that weird? Totally off the wall? Would my old life feel like just a dream if our family was called to serve full time? I don't know.
I am just praying that God will clear the fog because my heart already yearns to go back to Ngaamba. But, I know it will be a while before I return. Maybe that's why the fog has set in. Maybe I am subconsciously protecting my heart. I love the people of Ngaamba so much. They are truly amazing people - I don't pity them, because they don't need or want pity. In all honesty, they have everything that matters. James 2:5 says, "Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?"
I told a couple of my team members that for the first time I have actually seen Scripture word for word evident in my life - there are the poorest of the poor living in Ngaamba, but they are rich in faith. It is just as God's word says. I have never seen faith as evident as in the lives of the precious people in Ngaamba. They tell us - Americans, white, and rich - that they will pray for us because they know He will answer. Humbled. And just in awe. Is it any wonder I long to go back?!?
So...I have thought of posting pictures...but there are just SO many to share. I took well over 700 (only because I didn't have my camera with me one day and then my battery died at the end of the week). But I narrowed them down to the best 186. :) You can view them here if you'd like.
--
Thank you for all of your prayers, cards, and emails while I was gone. Scott and the kiddos were safe and healthy, and I was truly able to enjoy my time while I was away. I did miss my family, but not in a homesick way - just in a "I wish they were here to experience this with me" kind of way. But I know that without your prayers, I probably would have cried through the whole trip. So my team thanks you, and so do I. :)
Readjusting
I am one of those people who has a difficult time readjusting to "normal life" after I return from a mission trip. But it's a different kind of adjustment this year. I guess over the last 2 years I've dealt with the feelings of guilt I normally return with that I was blessed to be born in the United States and have freedoms that many people in the world still do not have, that I am "rich" by the world's standards, and that my life is a good life.
This time I'm just having a hard time believing that my trip was real. You'd think that 11 days away would be very real - and it sure felt like an eternity while I was gone. But now that I'm home, it's just hard - it's as if it was all a dream and I can't remember the details. And I hate that. Our trip was so amazing, so full of God's presence, that I hate that I am having a hard time recalling all of the exact moments. I think I have realized that if Scott ever felt the calling to be a full time missionary I'd be on board in a nanosecond. Is that weird? Totally off the wall? Would my old life feel like just a dream if our family was called to serve full time? I don't know.
I am just praying that God will clear the fog because my heart already yearns to go back to Ngaamba. But, I know it will be a while before I return. Maybe that's why the fog has set in. Maybe I am subconsciously protecting my heart. I love the people of Ngaamba so much. They are truly amazing people - I don't pity them, because they don't need or want pity. In all honesty, they have everything that matters. James 2:5 says, "Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?"
I told a couple of my team members that for the first time I have actually seen Scripture word for word evident in my life - there are the poorest of the poor living in Ngaamba, but they are rich in faith. It is just as God's word says. I have never seen faith as evident as in the lives of the precious people in Ngaamba. They tell us - Americans, white, and rich - that they will pray for us because they know He will answer. Humbled. And just in awe. Is it any wonder I long to go back?!?
So...I have thought of posting pictures...but there are just SO many to share. I took well over 700 (only because I didn't have my camera with me one day and then my battery died at the end of the week). But I narrowed them down to the best 186. :) You can view them here if you'd like.
--
Thank you for all of your prayers, cards, and emails while I was gone. Scott and the kiddos were safe and healthy, and I was truly able to enjoy my time while I was away. I did miss my family, but not in a homesick way - just in a "I wish they were here to experience this with me" kind of way. But I know that without your prayers, I probably would have cried through the whole trip. So my team thanks you, and so do I. :)
This time I'm just having a hard time believing that my trip was real. You'd think that 11 days away would be very real - and it sure felt like an eternity while I was gone. But now that I'm home, it's just hard - it's as if it was all a dream and I can't remember the details. And I hate that. Our trip was so amazing, so full of God's presence, that I hate that I am having a hard time recalling all of the exact moments. I think I have realized that if Scott ever felt the calling to be a full time missionary I'd be on board in a nanosecond. Is that weird? Totally off the wall? Would my old life feel like just a dream if our family was called to serve full time? I don't know.
I am just praying that God will clear the fog because my heart already yearns to go back to Ngaamba. But, I know it will be a while before I return. Maybe that's why the fog has set in. Maybe I am subconsciously protecting my heart. I love the people of Ngaamba so much. They are truly amazing people - I don't pity them, because they don't need or want pity. In all honesty, they have everything that matters. James 2:5 says, "Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?"
I told a couple of my team members that for the first time I have actually seen Scripture word for word evident in my life - there are the poorest of the poor living in Ngaamba, but they are rich in faith. It is just as God's word says. I have never seen faith as evident as in the lives of the precious people in Ngaamba. They tell us - Americans, white, and rich - that they will pray for us because they know He will answer. Humbled. And just in awe. Is it any wonder I long to go back?!?
So...I have thought of posting pictures...but there are just SO many to share. I took well over 700 (only because I didn't have my camera with me one day and then my battery died at the end of the week). But I narrowed them down to the best 186. :) You can view them here if you'd like.
--
Thank you for all of your prayers, cards, and emails while I was gone. Scott and the kiddos were safe and healthy, and I was truly able to enjoy my time while I was away. I did miss my family, but not in a homesick way - just in a "I wish they were here to experience this with me" kind of way. But I know that without your prayers, I probably would have cried through the whole trip. So my team thanks you, and so do I. :)
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
My heart overflows
This picture will be framed in Ella Beth's room with a letter from me about how this precious girl will always have her name.
My heart overflows
This picture will be framed in Ella Beth's room with a letter from me about how this precious girl will always have her name.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Kenya Bound
It's the leaving that is so hard. I don't know how many tears I have shed just thinking about leaving, and now the day has arrived.
I tossed and turned too much last night to have gotten any rest. I have second guessed my decision to leave because of all of the fears that I have. All of my fears have to do with Scott and Ella Beth and Landon. Will they be safe? What if something happens while I'm gone? I want so badly to push these thoughts aside because I know they are from Satan. But it's hard.
I cling to 2 Timothy 1:7 "For the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and sound mind." I reminded Satan over and over again that he does not have the power over me to drive me crazy - unless I give it to him. And, it's been hard not to. When those fearful thoughts come up of the "what ifs" while I'm away, I can easily allow myself to go crazy.
But I stop and pray. And I simply must choose to give my children over to the One who made them, who loves them, and who has already directed their paths.
It's hard because I love them so. And I hate to say bye-bye.
I ask that as often as you think of me being gone or think of Scott and the kiddos that you would take a minute to pray for them. Please pray hard for their safety and their health. Please pray for Scott's work schedule that it won't be difficult while I am away (but that he will still have work to bring in the money that we need). Please pray for Ella Beth who is already having a hard time and I have not left yet. Today is going to be especially difficult because she knows that I am leaving the family this evening. There will be many tears shed by both of us, and it is going to be so hard to pry her arms away as I have to turn and leave. And I hate that.
But I know that God is in this. And I am Kenya bound.
Thank you, friends.
I tossed and turned too much last night to have gotten any rest. I have second guessed my decision to leave because of all of the fears that I have. All of my fears have to do with Scott and Ella Beth and Landon. Will they be safe? What if something happens while I'm gone? I want so badly to push these thoughts aside because I know they are from Satan. But it's hard.
I cling to 2 Timothy 1:7 "For the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and sound mind." I reminded Satan over and over again that he does not have the power over me to drive me crazy - unless I give it to him. And, it's been hard not to. When those fearful thoughts come up of the "what ifs" while I'm away, I can easily allow myself to go crazy.
But I stop and pray. And I simply must choose to give my children over to the One who made them, who loves them, and who has already directed their paths.
It's hard because I love them so. And I hate to say bye-bye.
I ask that as often as you think of me being gone or think of Scott and the kiddos that you would take a minute to pray for them. Please pray hard for their safety and their health. Please pray for Scott's work schedule that it won't be difficult while I am away (but that he will still have work to bring in the money that we need). Please pray for Ella Beth who is already having a hard time and I have not left yet. Today is going to be especially difficult because she knows that I am leaving the family this evening. There will be many tears shed by both of us, and it is going to be so hard to pry her arms away as I have to turn and leave. And I hate that.
But I know that God is in this. And I am Kenya bound.
Thank you, friends.
Kenya Bound
It's the leaving that is so hard. I don't know how many tears I have shed just thinking about leaving, and now the day has arrived.
I tossed and turned too much last night to have gotten any rest. I have second guessed my decision to leave because of all of the fears that I have. All of my fears have to do with Scott and Ella Beth and Landon. Will they be safe? What if something happens while I'm gone? I want so badly to push these thoughts aside because I know they are from Satan. But it's hard.
I cling to 2 Timothy 1:7 "For the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and sound mind." I reminded Satan over and over again that he does not have the power over me to drive me crazy - unless I give it to him. And, it's been hard not to. When those fearful thoughts come up of the "what ifs" while I'm away, I can easily allow myself to go crazy.
But I stop and pray. And I simply must choose to give my children over to the One who made them, who loves them, and who has already directed their paths.
It's hard because I love them so. And I hate to say bye-bye.
I ask that as often as you think of me being gone or think of Scott and the kiddos that you would take a minute to pray for them. Please pray hard for their safety and their health. Please pray for Scott's work schedule that it won't be difficult while I am away (but that he will still have work to bring in the money that we need). Please pray for Ella Beth who is already having a hard time and I have not left yet. Today is going to be especially difficult because she knows that I am leaving the family this evening. There will be many tears shed by both of us, and it is going to be so hard to pry her arms away as I have to turn and leave. And I hate that.
But I know that God is in this. And I am Kenya bound.
Thank you, friends.
I tossed and turned too much last night to have gotten any rest. I have second guessed my decision to leave because of all of the fears that I have. All of my fears have to do with Scott and Ella Beth and Landon. Will they be safe? What if something happens while I'm gone? I want so badly to push these thoughts aside because I know they are from Satan. But it's hard.
I cling to 2 Timothy 1:7 "For the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and sound mind." I reminded Satan over and over again that he does not have the power over me to drive me crazy - unless I give it to him. And, it's been hard not to. When those fearful thoughts come up of the "what ifs" while I'm away, I can easily allow myself to go crazy.
But I stop and pray. And I simply must choose to give my children over to the One who made them, who loves them, and who has already directed their paths.
It's hard because I love them so. And I hate to say bye-bye.
I ask that as often as you think of me being gone or think of Scott and the kiddos that you would take a minute to pray for them. Please pray hard for their safety and their health. Please pray for Scott's work schedule that it won't be difficult while I am away (but that he will still have work to bring in the money that we need). Please pray for Ella Beth who is already having a hard time and I have not left yet. Today is going to be especially difficult because she knows that I am leaving the family this evening. There will be many tears shed by both of us, and it is going to be so hard to pry her arms away as I have to turn and leave. And I hate that.
But I know that God is in this. And I am Kenya bound.
Thank you, friends.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
This is what it's ALL about!!!
The Daraja Children's Choir 2011 is made up of children from Ngaamba, Kenya.
"Worship is not about what you have. It's not about what God has done. It's really about who God is. And that's what they have realized. That God is God regardless of what I have and what I don't have. He still remains to be God, and that's what gives them joy every time they come to worship."
Daraja from Silly Monster Media, llc on Vimeo.
The Daraja Children's Choir of Africa is a group of kids from rural Kenya who comes to America to worship and perform at churches and events around the country. This teaser introduces the choir their heartwarming and inspiring story.
"Worship is not about what you have. It's not about what God has done. It's really about who God is. And that's what they have realized. That God is God regardless of what I have and what I don't have. He still remains to be God, and that's what gives them joy every time they come to worship."
Daraja from Silly Monster Media, llc on Vimeo.
The Daraja Children's Choir of Africa is a group of kids from rural Kenya who comes to America to worship and perform at churches and events around the country. This teaser introduces the choir their heartwarming and inspiring story.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Just 2 Weeks
As tonight comes to a close, reality started sinking in. Two weeks from tonight I will be leaving my family for 10 1/2 days.
These two weeks are going to be bitter sweet.
Unless you know me really well, you probably don't know that I am terrified of flying. I cried 2 years ago when the plane took off on every flight to and from Kenya (in Atlanta, New York, London, Paris, Cairo, Sudan...), and I cried last year at this time when the plane took off to and from Haiti - and Scott was sitting right beside me. I just really don't like to fly.
And I really don't like to leave my family. I miss them already, and I cry just thinking about kissing them before I leave.
But, I also know that I will cry as I kiss those sweet people in Ngaamba, Kenya, before I leave them to come back home, too. As most of my heart is here with my family, I can't deny that there is a large piece still left in Ngaamba. And it is calling me.
Not everyone is called to GO. It's not an easy thing to do. Many are called to SEND and PRAY for those going. I have been called to go. As hard as it is to leave my sweet family behind, I simply TRUST that He has a greater purpose.
The last time I went to Kenya, it was on the heels of Ella Beth's horrible illness. In all honesty, the only thing that kept me going was the obligation I felt towards all of my financial supporters. I sure am glad for that feeling of obligation. Little did I know what God was going to do to work in my heart during those 10 days. Little do we ever know, really.
The Lord taught me so much about faith while I was there. He opened my heart to people who have nothing - absolutely nothing - and yet they have the biggest faith I have ever even heard of. Every single day the people in Ngaamba pray about, not when, but IF their next meal will come. They pray about their safety. The women wonder if their husbands will ever return home.
Yet they trust God for everything.
They complain about nothing.
They are the true example of Philippians 4:11-13
"For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Why am I going back when it's so hard to leave? I don't know the answer to that yet. But I do know that God is up to something. And as hard as it is to GO, I'm going.
Deuteronomy 31:8 says, "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
--
I would love for you to pray for me and our team of 12 going to Kenya on June 9. Please pray for our safety, our health, and that God will use us for His Glory.
I would also love for you to pray for Scott, Ella Beth, and Landon as I am gone. Please pray for their health and safety. I ask you to pray specifically for Scott that he will be able to manage well with his work schedule. And also to pray specifically for Ella Beth - she is such my little Mommy's girl, and she is going to have a hard time with me being gone.
Thank you.
These two weeks are going to be bitter sweet.
Unless you know me really well, you probably don't know that I am terrified of flying. I cried 2 years ago when the plane took off on every flight to and from Kenya (in Atlanta, New York, London, Paris, Cairo, Sudan...), and I cried last year at this time when the plane took off to and from Haiti - and Scott was sitting right beside me. I just really don't like to fly.
And I really don't like to leave my family. I miss them already, and I cry just thinking about kissing them before I leave.
But, I also know that I will cry as I kiss those sweet people in Ngaamba, Kenya, before I leave them to come back home, too. As most of my heart is here with my family, I can't deny that there is a large piece still left in Ngaamba. And it is calling me.
Not everyone is called to GO. It's not an easy thing to do. Many are called to SEND and PRAY for those going. I have been called to go. As hard as it is to leave my sweet family behind, I simply TRUST that He has a greater purpose.
The last time I went to Kenya, it was on the heels of Ella Beth's horrible illness. In all honesty, the only thing that kept me going was the obligation I felt towards all of my financial supporters. I sure am glad for that feeling of obligation. Little did I know what God was going to do to work in my heart during those 10 days. Little do we ever know, really.
The Lord taught me so much about faith while I was there. He opened my heart to people who have nothing - absolutely nothing - and yet they have the biggest faith I have ever even heard of. Every single day the people in Ngaamba pray about, not when, but IF their next meal will come. They pray about their safety. The women wonder if their husbands will ever return home.
Yet they trust God for everything.
They complain about nothing.
They are the true example of Philippians 4:11-13
"For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Why am I going back when it's so hard to leave? I don't know the answer to that yet. But I do know that God is up to something. And as hard as it is to GO, I'm going.
Deuteronomy 31:8 says, "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
--
I would love for you to pray for me and our team of 12 going to Kenya on June 9. Please pray for our safety, our health, and that God will use us for His Glory.
I would also love for you to pray for Scott, Ella Beth, and Landon as I am gone. Please pray for their health and safety. I ask you to pray specifically for Scott that he will be able to manage well with his work schedule. And also to pray specifically for Ella Beth - she is such my little Mommy's girl, and she is going to have a hard time with me being gone.
Thank you.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Why Kenya?
"I see kids in the street with not enough to eat. Who am I to be blind pretending not to see their need?"
My favorite song of all time is "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson. I remember seeing the music video for the first time when I was 8 years old. I remember sitting in my living room on our country-blue carpet and I sobbed uncontrollably. At 8 years old, God gave me a heart to serve and love orphans.
"That's why I want you to know...I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways."
When I came back from Kenya in June of 2009, and when Scott and I returned from Haiti last year, my heart began to change. And it keeps changing. My views on life and what will make me happy have changed significantly.
I am ashamed to admit that for the first 7 years of our marriage my biggest dream, my biggest goal, my highest aspiration was to have "bigger and better." A bigger house, a better car, designer clothes, a closet full of trendy shoes, more, more, more.
But God, who started working on me when I was only 8, didn't quit. He wouldn't allow me to stay self-centered. No, His heart is much bigger than that. I am thankful that He is giving me more of a heart like His. To abandon my dreams for His own.
This beautiful little girl is Wiuwa. I fell in love with her on my first day in Ngaamba, Kenya, and every day we would spend time together. And every day she was wearing this worn and tattered dress. Leaving her (and my friend Damarus) was the hardest part of my journey.
I wrote her name on my arm so that she would know that I wouldn't forget her. And I haven't.
"And no message could have been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make that change."
Maybe it surprises you, given the fact that Michael Jackson had a "colorful life", that he wrote such a powerful song. But it doesn't me. I believe God gives us all a heart to serve and love others.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35
One of the most profound sentences in the song "Man in the Mirror" is this:
"You gotta get it right, while you got the time 'cause when you close your heart, you close your mind."
It is the truth that we (especially in America) can so easily turn a blind eye to the heartbreak in our world. I am guilty of it, too. I rarely watch the news because I get so upset by stories of horrible acts that people do to one another, and I cry uncontrollably yet again when disasters strike and families are left homeless and fighting for their lives. But when I refuse to "see" the hurt around me, that is when I become caught up in my own life and forget to serve others.
That answers the question, "Why Kenya?" Why? Because I have to leave my eyes open. I have to allow myself to travel and live in uncomfortable situations (for just 10 days) in order for my heart to remain open. I can't turn my back on anyone, because everyone is a child of God.
"I'm gonna make a change. It's gonna feel real good. Come on! Just lift yourself, you know. You gotta move. You gotta stand up! Make that change."
https://my410bridge.org/AmberCastleberry
"That's why I want you to know...I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways."
When I came back from Kenya in June of 2009, and when Scott and I returned from Haiti last year, my heart began to change. And it keeps changing. My views on life and what will make me happy have changed significantly.
I am ashamed to admit that for the first 7 years of our marriage my biggest dream, my biggest goal, my highest aspiration was to have "bigger and better." A bigger house, a better car, designer clothes, a closet full of trendy shoes, more, more, more.
But God, who started working on me when I was only 8, didn't quit. He wouldn't allow me to stay self-centered. No, His heart is much bigger than that. I am thankful that He is giving me more of a heart like His. To abandon my dreams for His own.
"And no message could have been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make that change."
Maybe it surprises you, given the fact that Michael Jackson had a "colorful life", that he wrote such a powerful song. But it doesn't me. I believe God gives us all a heart to serve and love others.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35
One of the most profound sentences in the song "Man in the Mirror" is this:
"You gotta get it right, while you got the time 'cause when you close your heart, you close your mind."
It is the truth that we (especially in America) can so easily turn a blind eye to the heartbreak in our world. I am guilty of it, too. I rarely watch the news because I get so upset by stories of horrible acts that people do to one another, and I cry uncontrollably yet again when disasters strike and families are left homeless and fighting for their lives. But when I refuse to "see" the hurt around me, that is when I become caught up in my own life and forget to serve others.
That answers the question, "Why Kenya?" Why? Because I have to leave my eyes open. I have to allow myself to travel and live in uncomfortable situations (for just 10 days) in order for my heart to remain open. I can't turn my back on anyone, because everyone is a child of God.
"I'm gonna make a change. It's gonna feel real good. Come on! Just lift yourself, you know. You gotta move. You gotta stand up! Make that change."
https://my410bridge.org/AmberCastleberry
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Why Was I in Haiti?
People keep asking me, "So, how was Haiti?"
It was amazing. As a team member put it, my time in Haiti was life-bending. I won't say life-changing because my life hasn't changed much at all since I've been home - still working part time, still a mama and wife full time. However, my view of life has changed. When I look around, what I see "bends" and everything looks different with my new perspective.
The devastation and living conditions in Haiti are beyond explanation; pictures don't - can't - do it justice. The living conditions are deplorable. The closest I can come to explain the conditions are to tell you that Slumdog Millionaire had them right. (BTW, if you haven't seen that movie, I highly recommend it.)
Despite the devastation of the earthquake and the already indescribable abject poverty, the people of Haiti are hopeful people. And when you ask them what gives them hope their answer is always, "Jesus." Can I tell you what those precious people did to my small faith??? They GREW my faith in a BIG way. Isn't Jesus our ONLY hope? Truly He is.
I spent most of my time working in an infant and toddler orphanage called The Creche. It was the most difficult time of my trip. There were 18 infants in one room, about the size of a "normal" bedroom here in America. 14 Cribs were stacked two-high, and the other 4 babies (around 11-13 months) slept on two pack-n-play mattresses pushed together on the floor. The older toddlers slept in the same size cribs one room away. There were 32 children ages 14 months-8 years old. The oldest children slept two to a bed, many times with a younger sibling. The smells inside The Creche were nauseating. The sounds of so many babies and toddlers crying were deafening and heartbreaking. There were usually only two women in the infant room. Two women and 18 babies. Sometimes there was only one. Our team did the best we could, usually with two babies in our arms, to soothe them. Those precious women are somewhat numb to the cries of the infants, but I suppose they have to be...in order to get everything that needs to be done, done. They must wash all of the babies, apply lotion b/c the temperature is so h.o.t., change the sheets, change diapers, feed the babies, clean the nursery, change more diapers, feed more babies, and it goes on and on. I admire what they do, and pray for just a fraction of their patience, because four days wore me slap out. And broke my heart to where it will never be the same.
I guess I was so touched by my time in the orphanage because I am a mom. I can tell you that I desperately wanted to take home Judeson with me, and I would have gladly opened my arms to a couple more. Which is where the answer to the question, "So what was the number one thing that happened to you while you were in Haiti?" comes in...It was Wednesday, the last workday in Haiti, before we were headed out to the airport early Thursday morning. I had been working in the Creche all day, and our group decided that we would call it a day at 3 p.m. We were all tired, and I was covered in poop, urine, spit-up, food, you name it. The guys and the rest of the ladies from the other worksites had not returned yet, so I was in my room alone. I started packing things in to my bag, and then I sat down to journal. Now, Haiti is far from running on electricity like we do here in the States. There was a Very. Loud. Generator. outside of our room that ran almost all day long. As I was sitting on my bed, I could hear babies crying over the generator. It made me pause and think, "Awww, that just breaks my heart." But that's about it. Then I heard God ask me, "Amber, why are you here?" I stopped journaling for just a moment and thought to myself, "Well, I have some time to kill so I just wanted to write about my day." So I continued on. About a minute later, I heard God almost audibly ask me again, "Amber, why are you here?" I stopped. I thought, well, I've been packing to prepare to go home tomorrow (because that is what Amber does) and now I'm journaling about my day so that I won't forget anything. And one more time God asked, "But why are you HERE?" I broke down. I literally ran down to the Creche.
When I first stepped in the door of the Creche I was nervous and overwhelmed. Despite the fact that I had been there all week, this was my first time alone with all of those precious and very needy children. With tears streaming down my face (oh, it happened all the time to me while I was at the Creche. The women working there were used to it.:) I scooped up two infants in my arms, I had two toddlers on my lap, and 5 older children sitting around me. And I sang "Jesus Loves Me" to them for well over an hour. That's all I did. Through tears, because let me just tell you that they never stopped flowing after that, I sang and sang and sang. I changed the words about half-way through, and I sang "Jesus Loves You." I touched the children over and over again when I sang the word "You." The older children began singing with me and would touch themselves, too. More than anything in this world, I simply wanted them to know that Jesus. Loves. Them.
And THAT was why I was in Haiti. That was why God called me there.
It is that specific moment that I have been processing over and over again since I've been home. Yes, it's difficult to re-adjust to life after being in a third world country (even more so after a disaster), but processing my time with those beautiful children has been so hard. What is it that God is calling me to do? I am prayerfully waiting for His answer, and I can honestly tell you that I am up for anything. For the first time in my life I feel totally surrendered. It's not easy being a "planner" and not know what's coming, but there is peace in my waiting.
Thanks for letting me share about my time in Haiti. I promise to have more "life" back soon. :)
It was amazing. As a team member put it, my time in Haiti was life-bending. I won't say life-changing because my life hasn't changed much at all since I've been home - still working part time, still a mama and wife full time. However, my view of life has changed. When I look around, what I see "bends" and everything looks different with my new perspective.
The devastation and living conditions in Haiti are beyond explanation; pictures don't - can't - do it justice. The living conditions are deplorable. The closest I can come to explain the conditions are to tell you that Slumdog Millionaire had them right. (BTW, if you haven't seen that movie, I highly recommend it.)
Despite the devastation of the earthquake and the already indescribable abject poverty, the people of Haiti are hopeful people. And when you ask them what gives them hope their answer is always, "Jesus." Can I tell you what those precious people did to my small faith??? They GREW my faith in a BIG way. Isn't Jesus our ONLY hope? Truly He is.
I spent most of my time working in an infant and toddler orphanage called The Creche. It was the most difficult time of my trip. There were 18 infants in one room, about the size of a "normal" bedroom here in America. 14 Cribs were stacked two-high, and the other 4 babies (around 11-13 months) slept on two pack-n-play mattresses pushed together on the floor. The older toddlers slept in the same size cribs one room away. There were 32 children ages 14 months-8 years old. The oldest children slept two to a bed, many times with a younger sibling. The smells inside The Creche were nauseating. The sounds of so many babies and toddlers crying were deafening and heartbreaking. There were usually only two women in the infant room. Two women and 18 babies. Sometimes there was only one. Our team did the best we could, usually with two babies in our arms, to soothe them. Those precious women are somewhat numb to the cries of the infants, but I suppose they have to be...in order to get everything that needs to be done, done. They must wash all of the babies, apply lotion b/c the temperature is so h.o.t., change the sheets, change diapers, feed the babies, clean the nursery, change more diapers, feed more babies, and it goes on and on. I admire what they do, and pray for just a fraction of their patience, because four days wore me slap out. And broke my heart to where it will never be the same.
I guess I was so touched by my time in the orphanage because I am a mom. I can tell you that I desperately wanted to take home Judeson with me, and I would have gladly opened my arms to a couple more. Which is where the answer to the question, "So what was the number one thing that happened to you while you were in Haiti?" comes in...It was Wednesday, the last workday in Haiti, before we were headed out to the airport early Thursday morning. I had been working in the Creche all day, and our group decided that we would call it a day at 3 p.m. We were all tired, and I was covered in poop, urine, spit-up, food, you name it. The guys and the rest of the ladies from the other worksites had not returned yet, so I was in my room alone. I started packing things in to my bag, and then I sat down to journal. Now, Haiti is far from running on electricity like we do here in the States. There was a Very. Loud. Generator. outside of our room that ran almost all day long. As I was sitting on my bed, I could hear babies crying over the generator. It made me pause and think, "Awww, that just breaks my heart." But that's about it. Then I heard God ask me, "Amber, why are you here?" I stopped journaling for just a moment and thought to myself, "Well, I have some time to kill so I just wanted to write about my day." So I continued on. About a minute later, I heard God almost audibly ask me again, "Amber, why are you here?" I stopped. I thought, well, I've been packing to prepare to go home tomorrow (because that is what Amber does) and now I'm journaling about my day so that I won't forget anything. And one more time God asked, "But why are you HERE?" I broke down. I literally ran down to the Creche.
When I first stepped in the door of the Creche I was nervous and overwhelmed. Despite the fact that I had been there all week, this was my first time alone with all of those precious and very needy children. With tears streaming down my face (oh, it happened all the time to me while I was at the Creche. The women working there were used to it.:) I scooped up two infants in my arms, I had two toddlers on my lap, and 5 older children sitting around me. And I sang "Jesus Loves Me" to them for well over an hour. That's all I did. Through tears, because let me just tell you that they never stopped flowing after that, I sang and sang and sang. I changed the words about half-way through, and I sang "Jesus Loves You." I touched the children over and over again when I sang the word "You." The older children began singing with me and would touch themselves, too. More than anything in this world, I simply wanted them to know that Jesus. Loves. Them.
And THAT was why I was in Haiti. That was why God called me there.
It is that specific moment that I have been processing over and over again since I've been home. Yes, it's difficult to re-adjust to life after being in a third world country (even more so after a disaster), but processing my time with those beautiful children has been so hard. What is it that God is calling me to do? I am prayerfully waiting for His answer, and I can honestly tell you that I am up for anything. For the first time in my life I feel totally surrendered. It's not easy being a "planner" and not know what's coming, but there is peace in my waiting.
Thanks for letting me share about my time in Haiti. I promise to have more "life" back soon. :)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)