Multitudes on Monday

1740. 3 1/2 glorious inches of rain to wash the pollen away (hopefully!)

1741. yard work to make the yard look nice

1742. lovely neighbors to hang out with while the kiddos run around when the weather is nice outside

1743. juice that is healthy and tastes sweet to encourage the boy to drink more during the day

1744. planning curricula for next year

1745. how excited Buddy-Ro is to start "real" homeschool with us next year

1746. great books to read aloud together each day

1747. Japanese food to celebrate B's baptism yesterday morning

1748. coming home from church and putting PJs on - and not feeling bad about it!

1749. wooden puzzles for the tiny fella that have been handed down from his big sister and big brother

1750. highlighters and paint markers to make art projects even more fun

1751. watching our mail carrier's reaction as she sees our letter addressed to Alaska

1752. the Peanut who will go right back to sleep in Mama and Daddy's bed on a morning they get to sleep in

1753. Buddy-Ro winning the game ball during his last baseball game for 3 great hits and lots of great stops at 2nd base

1754. cheering loudly with Birdie as the boy runs the bases

Psalm 100:4, "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name."

Let's go fly a kite...

...and send it soaring!

















And then let's hop on and take a ride behind the four-wheeler.









What a great day!

Multitudes on Monday

1725. sunshiny days for little league baseball games

1726. sweet boys having fun hitting the ball and running the bases

1727. Birdie going into the dugout and taking care of the boys (such a sweet mama heart she has)

1728. how excited all the boys get about end-of-game snacks :)

1729. beautiful sunny days for walking around on strong legs

1730. eyes that can see and ears that can hear all of the beauty of creation

1731. Peanut waking up and talking in his bed

1732. sleepy smiles first thing in the morning

1733. family game time when the tiny one is sleeping or otherwise occupied

1734. a good vacuum cleaner to clean up after two messy boys

1735. the energy to clean up after two messy boys

1736. clean bathroom counters - even if they only stay clean for {maybe} half a day

1737. The Fresh Beat Band cd

1738. Birdie girl begging me to come back and sing in her Sunday school worship because she misses me

1739. Peanut wrapping his sweet little arms around my neck and giving me a hug

Revelation 7:12, “Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!”

 

Living without Him

Four years ago, our daughter, Birdie, was very sick. She was a patient at Scottish Rite for 29 days. She had severe diarrhea and vomiting that would not stop even when put on Zofran and other drugs through an IV. For almost an entire month, test after test after test was run on Birdie, but the doctors always came back without answers. The doctors, nurses, and specialists all wore Hazmat suits when they came into her room because they were so concerned about her undiagnosed-illness spreading.

During that month, I prayed more fervently than at any other time in my life. I prayed for answers. I prayed for healing. I prayed that IVs would go in easily. I prayed for quiet nights of rest. None of those prayers were answered, and I didn't know what to do with that. For the first time in my life, I was angry. And I wasn't just angry at anyone - I was angry at God. Why didn't He just heal my daughter? Why did it take 37 sticks to get one IV in? Why couldn't we go just one night without nurses having to come in and clean up yet another mess in the bed or on the floor?

For a long time I didn't know what to do with that anger. I've been a Christian since I was 11, and things have always seemed to go my way. I graduated college with high ranks, I married a wonderful man, we created a beautiful family, and life was simply blessed. So when our lives were turned upside down with an illness that struck our daughter, my faith ran straight into a brick wall. Hard.

I can specifically remember looking at my Bible and thinking, "God, you've let me down. And now, I'm just going to put this away and not talk to you anymore." I took my Bible, and I placed it in a drawer of my nightstand. It stayed there for 11 months.

I continued to go to church and go through the motions without allowing God to penetrate my heart. In fact, I worked at a church during this time. A big, prominent church that reaches hundreds of thousands each week. Sometimes, I would think that if the pastor ever found out about my doubts and anger toward God, He'd fire me in a heartbeat.

You see, Birdie's illness didn't end after our 29 day stint at Scottish Rite. For the next two years, there were many doctor's visits, specialist visits, medications, probiotics, trips to the ER for IV fluids. Throughout that time, I continued to push my unresponsive God out of my life. He "stayed" in the drawer of my nightstand, and I never let Him out. Friends prayed for me, gave me books, sent me cards of encouragement in the mail. I am thankful that I had those things, but they are not what led me to opening that closed drawer and taking God back out.

You see, in those 2 years I found that living with God, even when He's not answering my prayers, is better than living without Him. Living in and wrestling with the pain of unanswered prayers was hard, but doing it without God was insurmountable. I had no hope to cling to without Jesus. All I had was my anger and fear, and neither of those without God was doing me any good. Once I took God back out, I found that He could handle my anger. Instead of refusing to talk to Him, I did the exact opposite. I took all of my anger and hurt and frustration and disappointment straight to Him. I cried to Him, I yelled at Him, I broke down prostrate in front of Him. And He took it all.

You see, when I became a Christian and lived the Christian life for the next 20 years, I believed the lie that since I was a Christian good things will befall me. Things will go my way, life will be good - because I have God on my side. Because of that lie, when life suddenly went "wrong," my faith in the God I thought I knew flew out the window. Those 11 long months without participating in my relationship with my Heavenly Father taught me more than any of the previous 20 years. I had never known what it meant to live without God; to think that I'll just do life on my own. "I don't need You," was my attitude.

That was the greatest lie of all. Because whether life goes my way, or whether it doesn't - I need Jesus. We all need Jesus. Not just at the end of our days when death draws near and we want to sneak our way into Heaven. No, we need Jesus every day of our lives. We need Him to guide us through the muck and the mire. To be there when we need a shoulder to cry on or a person to scream at. Only He can take it all.

That is why this blog is titled Our Hope is in Truth. Because only in Truth can we put our hope. And the Truth is that God loves us. No matter what comes to pass in our lives - good, bad, ugly, beauty, misery, heartbreak, beauty, sickness, death, healing, unforgiveness, loss, gain, failure - no matter what God loves us. And we can choose to live our lives with Him or without Him. I've tried both, and living with God - even when bad things happen - is better than living without Him.

Out of the mouths of...adults

Maybe it shouldn't, but it still shocks me at the things adults - full-grown-up-people - will say to another person. I have heard about the careless things people have said to friends during their pregnancies (e.g. "You're sooo big, you look like you're carrying twins."), but right now I have found myself dealing with things people say about our Peanut.

I almost dread now when people ask me how old he is, because it's always after my answer that WhoKnowsWhat will come out of peoples' mouths.

He's one? Why is he so small?

What? He can't be one, he's too puny.

He's already one? Is something wrong with him?

Seriously! How rude, callous, inconsiderate, uncouth can people be. Yes, I know the Peanut is small...but his Daddy and I surely aren't giants ourselves. While I don't mind going into Peanut's story of being 2 months early and trying to play catch-up with explosive reflux...I usually don't have time when someone makes one of those dreadful comments. I'm usually walking out of the store. Or I'm running into the store to the bathroom with all three. Or I'm in the checkout line at the grocery trying to place all of my groceries on the belt while also juggling Peanut in the carrier while also making sure the bigger kiddos aren't knocking things off the candy stands. A semi-lengthy answer to a simple, "How old is he?" question just isn't easy most of the time. I know that Peanut is healthy, and he's quite a happy little fella. I wish others' comments didn't ruffle my feathers so, but it just does.

Instead of letting my frustration fester and cause my blood pressure to rise, I now feel empowered to really watch what I say. Proverbs 13:3 says, "Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything." I hope that I am able to hold my tongue or think twice before making what I think is just a "little comment." I don't want to be the cause of ruining someone's day simply because of something careless I say. Words have more impact than many, many things. I pray that my words will have an impact for the good of others. And I pray that I will smile and give grace to those whose words slip out a little more carelessly than they should.

 

Right now

Right now, this is how we get our homeschool work done with the baby:

He pulls out all the books in our school room. Here, he's "caught":



And here he's happy because Mama called him "Silly boy!!"



 

Multitudes on Monday

1713. a beautiful Saturday for 5-year old baseball

1714. seeing Buddy-Ro in his full uniform - sunglasses and all

1715. Zyrtec for the allergies that just won't go away

1716. Flonase for the itchy eyes that drive us crazy

1717. eating ice cream twice in one weekend just because I can (not because I should!)

1718. dogwood trees that are in full bloom in our back yard

1719. sunshine to warm up the days so the kiddos can get outside and explore

1720. Aquaphor and Desitin for the Peanut who has had horrible diaper rash due to teething

1721. putting the Peanut in onesies and little jumpers that show off his sweet arms and legs

1722. Birdie-girl learning to brush her own hair - she is now responsible for whether or not she has a head full of tangles. With her tender head, she should learn quickly that the more she brushes the less tangles she'll have!

1723. Peanut doing well in the nursery at church for my first Sunday back in service

1724. singing Matt Redman's 10,000 Reasons and looking forward to many more blessings to thank God for

2 Corinthians 4:15, "And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory."

Long days

The quote "The days are long but the years are short" pulls at my heart-strings every time.

But what do you do with those long days? With the child who is just plain difficult? With the messes that never cease and the arguing that never ends? What do you do with the laundry that piles up and the bills that keep coming in? What do you do with the needs that never seem to be fully met - the kiddos' or your own?

It would be so nice if life came with an easy button. A button to push on those extra long days to simply make whatever is going wrong, right. God could have made life work like that. Sometimes knowing that can send me into a tailspin. Why didn't He just make life easier?

The only answer is: He desires a relationship with us. He wants us to call upon His name, to reach out to the only one who knows how long and hard our days can be.

Meredith is the person that I call and say, "Can I just talk to you for a minute? Everything that could go wrong today, has." I don't call her expecting an answer to my problems. I call her because she is there. She's my friend, and I know that nothing I say will shock her, make her think less of me, or even bother her. We have a relationship. We are connected in friendship.

And that's only a taste of what we can have with our Heavenly Father. A connection where He will always be there. Nothing I do or confess will shock Him or make Him think less of me. Nothing I ever do will change His love for me. It's that Grace that gets me through the long days.

Through His grace, I can look at the cup of sticky chocolate milk that has spilled down the entire refrigerator and understand that these days are short. While I won't necessarily miss wiping down every.single.item in the fridge as food sits on the dinner table getting cold, I can take a deep breath and know that I will miss those sweet little hands that sat the milk in the fridge.

But I only gain that perspective by running to the One who calls me by name. Running to Him with my own sticky hands and tear-stained face knowing that our relationship is enough.
The days do get long, but His grace lasts much longer.

 

 

Multitudes on Monday

1701. a long weekend away with Scott to celebrate our 10 year anniversary (a week early due to baseball games)

1702. beautiful weather all weekend long

1703. being treated like celebrities for three whole days

1704. eating like royalty

1705. not having to cook or do dishes for three straight days

1706. hiking 7 miles on Saturday morning to visit a paradise setting

1707. strong legs for biking 25+ miles in two days

1708. great quality time with the love of my life

1709. loving and fun grandparents who graciously keep the kiddos so Mama and Daddy can enjoy time away (Birdie with my mom and the boys with Scott's parents)

1710. being exhausted physically but rested mentally

1711. coming home to the sweet family Scott and I have made together

1712. thanking God for each other and many more years to come

Psalm 138:1, "I give you thanks, O Lord, with all my heart; I will sing your praises."

Satisfying the Hunger

Last week I got up at 6:15 to start my day. I woke up with such hunger to read the Word, and I went straight to my reading spot and began studying the book of James. Peanut was sleeping in my bed (after yet another stomach bug hit), so I had to be very quiet. I was reading my Bible by flashlight, constantly juggling between reading and writing down notes in my journal. At first I thought, "This is a lot of trouble." But then the Holy Spirit whispered to me, "You are blessed to be able to do this."

And just like that, I was brought to my knees. I was reminded that there are hundreds of thousands of people in China, India, Russia, all over the world who risk their lives just to read the Bible. People smuggle Bibles into underground meeting holes (literal holes dug into the ground) just to talk about Jesus, to read about Him, to worship Him.

My hunger was overwhelming on this particular morning, but I was reminded that my hunger should be insatiable every day. I live in a country with Freedom of Religion, yet I can go days without opening my Bible. I live with the knowledge that God loves me and calls me His child, yet I "forget" to spend time with Him on a daily basis.

I am ashamed because I know there are people who risk their very lives just to get a taste of Jesus; just to utter His name in secret among other fellow believers. And yet I take my own freedom for granted. I take for granted the freedom that I have to worship God and His son. I take for granted the freedom that I have found in Christ.

My heart is heavy for the moments that I have let slip away from me on days when I decided sleeping in was more needed than spending time in the Word. My heart is burdened for my brothers and sisters in Christ who put themselves in danger satisfying the hunger of their hearts to be close to our Heavenly Father. What if I lived every day truly believing that nothing else mattered other than drawing as close as possible to Christ? What if my hunger to know more about God and His love and His goodness was never satisfied? What if the only way to satisfy the hunger of my heart was to live like those who risk it all just to whisper His name...

Oh be still, my unfaithful heart. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and just allow Him to satisfy your hunger. Allow Him to be all you need. Oh, heart, you waiver daily on what is truly good; on what you truly need. But there is only One who can fill you up; only One who can satisfy you. Run after Him, my heart, as though your very life depends upon it. Because it does. Heart, you have safety in freedom to soak up His Word and His knowledge. Don't take that for granted! Be like those who risk it all simply to satisfy the hunger.

He is ONE!

That's not a cry or a scowl or a mad face. Nope, that's his funny face that he makes all of the time these days. :)

The Peanut turned ONE!! What a year it has been. We have seen God's faithfulness and goodness so many times throughout the last year, and because of this tiny Peanut our faith has grown exponentially.

There are days when my heart is still raw enough to feel the angst and pain of those 19 days in the NICU; days when certain songs take me back to sitting on the floor of Peanut's NICU room crying uncontrollably. Looking back at pictures from those long days and nights, I can recall specific days and moments that were particularly hard. Days when Peanut's reflux would flare and he would lose an ounce instead of gaining 2. Days when Peanut's pulse-ox would not regulate and I would worry with every beep from the monitors. Days when the older siblings would scream and cry that Mama had to leave home again to stay at the hospital with their baby brother whom they had yet to meet. And then when Peanut was three months old and I found him blue in the swing. Spending two days at Scottish Rite and coming home with a heart monitor that weighed 3 pounds more than he did. There were some really, really hard days.

But looking back through the last year, the good days definitely outnumbered the bad. Peanut is a happy boy! He's a tough little booger, and he definitely makes our family better. He's that missing piece we never knew was missing. While some of the dynamics of family life have definitely become more of a challenge, his place as the baby of the family fits perfectly. And he is so very loved.

At ONE Year:

Peanut weighs 15 pounds even and is 28 1/2 inches long. (Not on the preemie chart for weight, surprise surprise; 5% for height)

6 month onesies fit him perfectly, 6-9 month PJs fit well, and for everything else it's hit or miss 6 month or 6-9 month.

He started crawling on his birthday!! Such perfect timing for the tiny fella :)

He says "bite" all.of.the.time. You'd think he would weigh 20+ pounds with how much he eats, but he has his sister's metabolism and burns off just about everything he eats.

Peanut has 6 teeth - 4 on top and 2 on bottom. It is because of those 6 teeth that the Mama is no longer nursing. He has switched over to almond milk from a sippy cup. The transition was easy.

Every single time I pick him up he gives me a kiss. Apparently the Mama has trained him well :)

We don't know yet whether he is a lefty or a righty. Some days I'd swear he's going to be left-handed, but other days I'm not sure.

No one can make him laugh like Birdie. Sometimes she doesn't even have to do anything but look at him and he will laugh like he's in the middle of a tickle war. He has a cackle very much like his sister's, and the two of them together are a hoot!

Peanut watches everything Buddy-Ro does. It's as though he knows Buddy-Ro is a boy, and he's already trying to learn from him. Heaven help us!!

Peanut is just as messy an eater as his big brother...my house will never be clean again.

He is still a Mama's boy, and I couldn't be happier about it. He does go to Scott much more often than he used to, but he still prefers Mama over anyone else. My heart loves it. :)

Peanut still scrunches his nose. It is hilarious!! Many times he will now scrunch his nose when he should be smiling, and I know without a doubt it's because he has gotten such reactions from it. He knows he's doing something funny and cute, so he does it on purpose.



I love him so!!!!

1688. celebrating Easter and the fact that I serve a Risen Savior!

1689. lifting my hands in worship and singing praises to my Heavenly Father for all he has done for me, and for you

1690. egg hunts for the kiddos on pretty afternoons

1691. finding eggs and bubbles and chocolate and bath toys and play doh all over our yard on Easter morning

1692. almond milk for the baby boy who still can't handle cow's milk

1693. the Mama being able to eat on a non-restrictive diet for the first time in a Year!! (I'm trying not to rub it in in front of Peanut...who doesn't understand why he can't eat what the Mama's eating now)

1694. stealing 15 quiet minutes away with Scott as the kiddos play with cousins at Nana's house

1695. planning a long weekend away for our 10 year anniversary celebration

1696. free photo prints when I have 1700 Disney prints to order

1697. rocking Peanut to sleep now that he's not nursing any longer

1698. the warm spot that Peanut leaves on my chest after I lay him down in his crib

1699. going down to tell Birdie-girl and Buddy-Ro goodnight and tucking them in

1700. listening to my children say their prayers and thank God for their own blessings

Psalm 138:1, "I give you thanks, O Lord, with all my heart; I will sing your praises."