Pregnancy Update :: Multitudes on Monday

I am 27 weeks pregnant today, and this afternoon I went to the perinatologist for a "full work up." All in all, the appointment went well. It's always so amazing to me to see my baby up on a movie screen when I haven't even seen him in person yet.

I had two very thorough ultrasounds done while I was at the doctor's office. The sonographer did the first one, and she pointed out body parts, organs, the placenta, and "normal" things like that. She would give little snippets of information and tell me when she was saving a picture to be printed. :) Porter was one active little fella doing complete somersaults, rolling over and over, kicking, waving, you name it. It got pretty uncomfortable during a few minutes b/c the sonographer was really trying to look at specific areas, but Porter was not being cooperative. She would press very firmly on my belly at the same time that he would kick like crazy and THEN a full-blown contraction would hit. I had to ask her to stop at one point because I was hurting so badly.

Then she left and said the doctor would be right in. Well, "right in" means something very different at a doctor's office. About 20 minutes and a cat-nap later, the perinatologist came in and did another very thorough ultrasound. I wasn't going to complain about watching my littlest man again. ;) The doctor talked in very doctor-like terms and told me everything that he was looking at. Which, I have to admit, is much better than silence - where I'm just laying there worrying about what he's not saying. He, too, looked at the heart, spine, facial features, organs, limbs, etc. and said that everything looked good; just a little small. Porter is measuring in at 15% on the growth chart. The doctor said that as long as he stays above 10%, we won't worry.

And then the doctor tells me that he sees something. I have started growing another portion of placenta against the back wall of my uterus. It is cause of concern because the more it grows, the less room it leaves for Porter and my amniotic fluid. The doctor also made notes on my chart because I will have to pass both portions of the placenta. If either portion were to be left in it could cause a life-threatening (to me) infection. As Scott says, "It's always something." And, my cervix has already started to shorten. The contractions are now starting to be somewhat productive - just a little early.

Then it came time for the big question. The doctor looked at me, of course it was during yet another contraction, and he asked, "So how possible is it for you to be on full bed rest?" FULL bed rest??? Ugh. I kinda gave a little laugh and told him that I have two young kiddos at home. He said, "Well, you and your OB are going to have to work that out on Friday when you go back to see him." Ugh. Ugh. UGH! It would be next to impossible to be on full bed rest unless I sent Ella Beth and Landon away each day. And what about school? What about our time together? What about _______? No! I don't wanna. Waaaaaaa!

We'll see what Friday brings.

How about some pictures?!?

Porter looking and waving.

Profile. And in this picture you can see the original placenta is at Porter's head, and the new placenta growth is above him. 

Sweet, sweet baby feet. :) Can't wait to kiss all over those tiny toes!

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Multitudes on Monday

867. a relatively good perinatal appointment

868. God-given intelligence to doctors

869. more ultrasound pictures

870. a truly amazing group of women that God has put in my life through my mom's group

871. not having to worry about being on my feet at the end of a long day cooking supper because sweet friends have already planned to bring it

872. being humbled by generosity

873. being humbled by God's grace which is always sufficient

Psalm 69:30: "I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving."

2 Corinthians 12:9: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

26 weeks

I want to document these past few days so that I will remember everything and see how God has carried us through once we pass this storm.
--

Go back a couple of weeks:
24 weeks pregnant: strong contractions start, but they are irregular. I mention them to my doctor at a routine appointment and he says, "It's normal."

25 weeks pregnant: strong contractions get stronger and more frequent. I don't call the doctor b/c he said it was "normal" and I just tell myself that it's all OK.

26 weeks, 4 days pregnant (01/26): strong contractions are painful and I am having at least 10 an hour. We went to our homeschool co-op group in the morning, but when we got home around 1 p.m. I call the doctor. I tell them that I am having contractions and that I am also cramping pretty badly. They tell me to come in right away. Scott stays home with the kiddos b/c we both assumed that I would be home in just a little while.

01/26, 2:00 p.m. - I arrive at the doctor's office where I am taken back to see a midwife and nurse. They ask me a lot of questions, do a few tests to check for infection, "check" me, and then hook me up to a monitor.

2:30 p.m. - Midwife comes into the room, rips off the sheet of paper that has recorded my contractions, runs (literally) out of the room.

2:33 p.m. - Midwife and doctor tell me, "You've just won yourself a trip to the hospital." My contractions were very regular and very strong (some registering 100 on the scale).

3:00 p.m. - I am in the waiting room of the hospital. Waiting alone. I am also blinking back tears because Scott is still not there, and I really need him by this point.

3:25 p.m. - I am in the urgent care room, and I have just changed clothes. Scott walks in. Thank goodness.

3:30 p.m. - I am allowed to drink water, and the nurse starts an IV.

3:35 p.m. - I am hooked up to another monitor, and the contractions are still strong.

3:40 p.m. - A midwife comes in and talks to Scott and me about what is going to happen: I will be given a full bag of fluids at a fast rate to try to stop the contractions. If that doesn't work, I will be given medication until my contractions finally stop.

4:30 p.m. - I am freezing at this point, laying under a sheet and three blankets. My contractions have slowed slightly, but they are still strong. The midwife comes in the room to tell me that she is thinking of giving me the medication when another very strong contraction starts.

4:35 p.m. - Nurse comes in my room and gives me a shot.

8:00 p.m. - Contractions have lessened considerably.

8:30 p.m. - Midwife comes back in and tell us that the perinatologist has left the hospital for the night. She has spoken with my regular doctor, and they have agreed to let me go home that night. I am told that what I am experiencing is going to be my "normal" -my "base line"- for the remainder of this pregnancy. Not to complain, but that doesn't sound like much fun.

It is at this point that I have lost track of time. I don't know what time we left the hospital, but it was late and raining.

01/27, 7:30 a.m. - I get up and shower. I get ready.

8:30 a.m. - I call the doctor's office and the nurse says she will make an appointment with the perinatal office.

10:00 a.m. - Nurse calls and says that my appointment will be on Monday so that I can see the perinatologist and be right next door to my OB's office.

11:00 a.m. - I eat for the first time today. Strawberries and a leftover burrito.

12:00 p.m. - I pick up the kiddos from my in-law's house and come home.

1:30 p.m. - Scott, the kiddos, and I go to Home Depot. I thought it would be good to get out of the house for a few minutes and get some fresh air. I thought wrong.

1:35 p.m. - We are driving to Home Depot, and I start feeling pretty bad.

1:45 p.m. - We are walking around Home Depot and I am starting to look at empty boxes and buckets thinking, "Oh my word, I think I need one of those."

1:47 p.m. - I have lost track of Scott, but of course both Ella Beth and Landon are right by my side. I tell them, we are going to the bathroom NOW!

1:48 p.m. - I am in a bathroom stall puking my guts up. It was horrible. And, let me just say, when you forget that you've eaten RED strawberries and you start throwing up a lot of RED stuff...it can really freak you out.

1:50 p.m. - A lady is knocking on my stall door asking if I'm ok. Ella Beth says, "It's my mommy in there. She's throwing up. She's been sick, and she's throwing up a LOT." Nice. Landon starts telling this lady, "My mommy has to go back to the hospital. Her belly is sick."

1:55 p.m. - I am still throwing up, and I am just praying that the lady out there with my children is a nice lady and is not thinking of a way to kidnap them.

2:00 p.m. - I come out of the stall and the lady says, "Oh bless your heart." I try to smile, but I am sure it never actually made its way to my face. I wash up, and we head off to find Scott.

2:03 p.m. - We find Scott in line and Landon says, "Mommy had to throw up." Nice.

2:20 p.m. - I lay down to rest on our bed with Gatorade and Saltine crackers close by.

5:30 p.m. - I eat some beans and cornbread for supper. It stays down.

9:00 p.m. - Scott and I go to bed.

01/28, 7:00 a.m. - Scott leaves to go to work. :(

7:45 a.m. - I get up and get breakfast for Landon.

8:10 a.m. - Ella Beth gets up and I make her breakfast.

9:00 a.m. - I can not eat. Anything. So, I get a shower and get ready. Lucky for me, the kiddos are in a very good mood and play well together all morning.

10:30 a.m. - Ella Beth requests for me to come to a tea party in her room.

11:30 a.m. - I eat lunch successfully, but realize that I will not be eating anything else for the rest of the day b/c I still don't feel "right."

12:30 p.m. - Contractions start. But, I remember that this is my "new normal" and think of what to do with the kiddos. Luckily, they want to play together. So I let them.

2:30 p.m. - I realize that we never had school yesterday, so we have school. It was good to sit and work with Ella Beth while Landon did some learning games on the computer.

3:30 p.m. - Scott's garage door opens, and I feel a little relief. And I know he will let me take it as easy as possible for the rest of the day. I am thankful.

Multitudes on Monday

851. a wonderful hubby who paints like a professional

852. a wonderful hubby who paints even though it's his LEAST favorite thing to do on the planet

853. freshly painted walls

854. purging as we redecorate the house

855. listening to Ella Beth sing on her iPod

856. hide and seek - over and over and over

857. a quick run to Starbucks for a white mocha on a rainy day

858. moving furniture in the school room

859. a new "computer station" in the school room

860. watching Landon learning while "playing"

861. hearing Landon count - he always skips thirteen ;)

862. singing hymns in church from back when I was growing up

863. watching Ella Beth run into her Sunday school class and throw her arms around her teacher

864. looking back through maternity pictures from Ella Beth and Landon's pregnancies

865. my willpower when I actually fight unhealthy cravings :)

866. two really cute tushies in the bathtub

Psalm 100:4 "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name."

Totally Random Randomness

We have lots going on around our small abode these days. And sometimes when lots is going on, this Type-A mama tends to feel a little overwhelmed and out of sorts.

But, today, instead of getting irritated I decided to document!

Scott is painting the house. The entire house. Oh My Word - what an ordeal this is going to be! Since Ella Beth, Landon, and I are here ALL of the time...having the house painted is a bit of a distraction. Especially when it's Daddy doing the work - because we all love Daddy around here. :) But, I am thankful that he is willing to do it, and I know it will look great when it is (finally) complete. Until then, there will be sanding dust and kitten prints from said dust all over the place. Furniture will be misplaced. Pictures will be un-hung. Walls will be bare. Things will just be different. But, I know it will look great when it is (finally) complete. I just keep reminding myself of that. ;)

Surprises do make a day brighter. Especially when things get over-whelming!

 

Of course, cookies make a day brighter, too! We made two dozen cookies earlier today. As in 24 cookies. You can do the math to see how many have been eaten. Mostly by someone pregnant in the house, but I'm not naming names.

Look what's on the menu for tonight. Not my favorite. By far. But, we are desperately trying to find a few more things that Landon will eat. Apparently we will try anything.

Ella Beth's room seems to be in constant transition these days. She has so many toys that she just can't part with. Man, oh man, do they take up space. The biggest of which is her doll house that has been moved back into her room since she has found new interest in it lately. She has more furniture than will actually fit in the doll house, and we have to find a place for all of that, too. When this picture was snapped, it was all in a basket in her closet. Now...it's scattered all over her floor because she is "redecorating."

When I was teaching, I loved decorating my classroom each year. In the Reading Corner, there were butterflies (made out of wire and white panty hose, and then colored with marker) hanging from the ceiling. I came across these a while back, and now they decorate Ella Beth's room.

The only thing Landon requested for Christmas was Legos. He got over 3000 Legos - yes, that's 3 zeros there. Three THOUSAND. He likes playing with them, but goes through phases. Here is a picture of some of our creations that have survived almost 4-year-old-boy destruction.

Landon has eczema on his cheeks - his upper cheeks. ;) Last year it was a constant battle keeping his cheeks from being bright red and irritated all of the time. But, this year, after again trying Aquaphor and Vaseline, I found Baby Bee from Burt's. We put it on right before bed time, and it has worked like a charm! Now, he really really dislikes having to put it on each night...but, he is usually a good sport. Especially when we remind him that we'll have to go to the doctor if he doesn't let us put it on. Sometimes things just require a little persuasion. :)

And, oh little Porter's wardrobe has started growing! I pulled out Landon's first Christmas and second Easter outfits (he was just a month old for his first Easter). I have also found some great things for next fall/winter on clearance. Just last week I got an outfit from Old Navy for $2.47. Gotta love that price!

Now how about a little inside into our craziness. We do not dry our clothes. Any of them. We hang everything to air dry and then "fluff" them to soften them up after they dry. Yes, it's a little extra work, but I promise that it's totally worth it! Our clothes don't fade, shrink, or get that really worn look. It has been a great payoff when we have sold the kiddos' clothes. Well, except that I really wish I could have all of Landon's clothes back now that baby boy is on his way!

Ella Beth got lots and lots of art supplies for Christmas. She brings her "art" where ever we are in the house. I would just l-o-v-e for it to stay in the school room at the big table where the mess creativity could be contained. But, alas, I am learning to let it go.

That's life around here these days. A little bit of crazy, but real and fun-filled. :)

Multitudes on Monday

839. a weekend away at a very relaxing, slow pace

840. Karen, who speaks Truth out of love into the hearts and minds of mothers

840. fun activities to bring home and share with Scott and the kiddos

841. alone time with Meredith - meaning w/out kiddos = full conversations :)

842. exploring the Berry campus and seeing all of the astonishing improvements made within the last 10 years (and trying really hard not to be jealous!)

843. going to bed early one night

844. staying up way too late the next

845. hanging out with great women all weekend long

846. a HUGE welcome home from Ella Beth. I didn't think she would ever stop hugging me, and I didn't think I would ever want her to. :)

847. coming home to a clean house with BEDS MADE. I was totally prepared to just "let it go" when I got here and saw the kiddos' rooms in disarray, but w-o-w what a fantastic surprise! Thank you, Honey!

848. Scott's willingness to let me be away for two nights

849. loving in-laws who stepped in to keep the kiddos when Scott unexpectedly had to work out of town for a day

850. a God who lovingly fights for me against the schemes of Satan. I will NOT let him have my family!

1 Chronicles 16:34, "Give thanks to the Lord, because He is good; His love is eternal."

Family fun times

For Christmas, Landon received the Cat in the Hat I Can Do That! game. Scott and I have had so much fun watching the kiddos play the game. They are asked to do silly, silly activities - and we all laugh until our sides hurt.

At first, we started by having the kiddos doing individual activities (i.e. following the directions), but then Scott decided to have them take turns doing the same activity and it was even funnier. They would try to out-do one another...and trying to out-do silliness just adds MORE fun to the game!

If you have a little one 3 or older, we highly recommend this game. It promises to bring you LOTS of family fun. :)

Pregnancy so far - 24 weeks

Look at me, I actually remembered to have a belly photo taken at 24 weeks. That's no small miracle these days considering that I can hardly remember what I am talking about sometimes. No joke - yesterday, I was chatting it up with my mother-in-law after my doctor's appointment and I just stopped in MID-SENTENCE and had to ask, "Uh, what was I talking about???" Pregnancy brain is a dangerous thing!

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I am 24 weeks pregnant. I feel 34+ weeks pregnancy. I don't know if it's because it's been 4 years, or because this is my third go 'round, or if it's just that I am busy with two other kiddos who still require lots of energy and who like to be picked up a few dozen times a day...but, I am hurting. Badly. The "pressure" has already started, contractions are daily, and there are times that I feel like something is tearing "in there" and it's excruciating (sorry for TMI!). But, I am just surviving on prayer and hope that God will see Porter and me through. Whenever anxieties try to wrestle their way in, I fight them off with prayer trusting that God is in control. He already knows what's going to happen and when. And, I'm just trusting Him with it all. (It's easier some days than others.)

Sick? Not really. However, I have gone from nausea to now being famished one day and then not being hungry for 2 or 3 days.

Maternity clothes? Yes. Pants and shirts now. I really only have 6 shirts and two pairs of pants that actually fit. So, I try to save those for days I know I'll be leaving the house. On days like today, though, I am wearing maternity clothes that look like Scott's clothes on me. I think it's funny that 15 years ago women used to wear really loose-fitting maternity clothes and thought that they were stylish. For me, not so much. It's probably b/c I'm so stinkin' short, but fitted maternity clothes are a much better option!

Showing? Yes. I still have a few people ask or give that questioning look, but when I'm wearing those "better clothes" there is no doubt!

Weight gain? Yes. And that's all I'm going to say. (I'll probably stick with this answer for a while, and may or may not reveal the total poundage at the end!)

Swelling? I definitely wake up every morning with puffy hands, but other than my tush swelling up (i.e. plumping up), not really. I also think my face has swollen a bit, but that could just be weight gain. My face got a little plump during my second trimester with Ella Beth and Landon, but then went down as I got closer to delivery. Hope that happens again soon!

Cravings? Still eating lots of apples - cold, crisp Granny Smiths and lots of cold red grapes. I am also craving sub sandwiches - turkey, lettuce, a little oil, and a lot of black pepper. Instead of making a run to Subway or Publix every day, I have started buying hoagie rolls at Publix and making my own at home.

Tired? I'm doing better on the sleepy aspect, but I do feel spent and exhausted a lot of the time. I find that I need to sit and rest (or stand and rest if I'm having contractions) a good bit of the day.



Am I going to have a shower? My friends Meredith and Amber and my mom and mother-in-law are throwing me a shower next month. I am very excited as we desperately need many necessities. Other than a pack-n-play, semi-umbrella stroller, one pack of bottles, and a shopping cart cover, there is nothing on my registry for over $15! Baby spoons, burp cloths, sippy cups, bibs, pacifiers, etc. make up just about everything! I am looking forward to seeing family and friends all gathered together to celebrate sweet little Porter. I know he will be very well loved. :)

Favorite pregnancy moment this month? It would definitely be the kiddos trying to take care of their baby brother already. Ella Beth and Landon will bring me apples from the fridge when they think that he needs a snack! And they ask questions about what he would like for dinner, or if he liked that CFA chicken biscuit, or if he's warm enough. This littlest fella is going to be well taken care of (maybe too much!) once he gets here. :)
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Pictures:

Only one belly shot this month, but at least I have one! And, really...when people give me that questioning look I just can't believe it. I mean look at that belly!!!

When selfishness gets in my way

“[Motherhood as a mission field] is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.“ Rachel Jankovic

--

Giving up yourself.

Lay yourself down.

Cheerfully.

Again.

Plans thwarted.

Sacrifice.

Are any of those easy for you, because none of those come naturally to me. If you had asked me before I became a mother if I was willing to sacrifice everything for my children, I would have said without a doubt or hesitation, "Yes!"

And then I became a mother.

And then I became a mother again. And now as I await sweet baby boy who will make me a mother yet again, that whole idea of sacrifice becomes harder.

When I just had Birdie-girl I honestly didn't have to sacrifice all that much. If I wanted to do something for myself, I had her nap times to do it by golly! Then when Buddy-Ro came along, if I wanted to do something for myself, I had their shared nap times to do it. That was until Birdie stopped napping. And then, Buddy-Ro stopped napping. And now, when do I make time for myself? What about me? Me, me, me!

Oh, wow. I think I have become a more selfish person since having kids. How in the world did that happen? 

Yesterday, I was resting on my bed while the kiddos were watching 30 minutes of TV. As I "rested" I checked my email, checked FB, played Words With Friends. And, I asked myself (or quite possibly it was the Spirit asking), "What would you be doing if you didn't have that smart phone of yours?"

 

Ouch.

It hurt because I knew the answer as soon as the question was asked. I would be doing something with my kiddos. Whether it be snuggling as we watched TV together, or playing a game, or baking together, or teaching them to fold/clean/etc.

 

It all comes back to giving myself up. Laying myself down. Sacrificing. And, we are called to do it cheerfully. Out of love. Because we love.

Why is it so hard? For me, I think it is because I tend to focus on the negatives - "the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore." Whew! Those descriptions made me laugh because I can so relate. However, I tend to forget that my children are not an inconvenience; they are the children that God has given unto my care, trusted me with, to raise and love.

I don't want to be the mother who looks back 13 years from now when Birdie moves out and heads off to college and wishes that I had done things differently. No, I want to look back and see that I have done a great work. That I loved my children as much as I could; I spent as much time with them as possible; I enjoyed them to the fullest.

Will I take a break every now and then? Yes! In just 3 days I will be leaving for a mother's weekend retreat where I will be refreshed and strengthened. But, those breaks will be few and far between. I can not be a mother who feels entitled to "her space" and "her freedom" - because my children would be left without their mama (whether physically, mentally, or spiritually) way too often if I allowed myself to believe the lie that "Mama is entitled, so just leave me alone." Sure, I am 6 months pregnant and I am physically exhausted, but I can't waste the time that I have been given now. It is so hard on many days to make this choice. But I must.

"The days are long but the years are short." 

So I will give myself up.

I will lay myself down.

I will choose to sacrifice myself.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Cheerfully.

 

When selfishness gets in my way

“[Motherhood as a mission field] is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.“ Rachel Jankovic

--

Giving up yourself.

Lay yourself down.

Cheerfully.

Again.

Plans thwarted.

Sacrifice.

Are any of those easy for you, because none of those come naturally to me. If you had asked me before I became a mother if I was willing to sacrifice everything for my children, I would have said without a doubt or hesitation, "Yes!" 

And then I became a mother. 

And then I became a mother again. And now as I await sweet baby boy who will make me a mother yet again, that whole idea of sacrifice becomes harder.

When I just had Ella Beth I honestly didn't have to sacrifice all that much. If I wanted to do something for myself, I had her nap times to do it by golly! Then when Landon came along, if I wanted to do something for myself, I had their shared nap times to do it. That was until Ella Beth stopped napping. And then, Landon stopped napping. And now, when do I make time for myself? What about me? Me, me, me!

Oh, wow. I think I have become a more selfish person since having kids. How in the world did that happen? 

Yesterday, I was resting on my bed while the kiddos were watching 30 minutes of TV. As I "rested" I checked my email, checked FB, played Words With Friends. And, I asked myself (or quite possibly it was the Spirit asking), "What would you be doing if you didn't have that smart phone of yours?"

Ouch. 

It hurt because I knew the answer as soon as the question was asked. I would be doing something with my kiddos. Whether it be snuggling as we watched TV together, or playing a game, or baking together, or teaching them to fold/clean/etc.

It all comes back to giving myself up. Laying myself down. Sacrificing. And, we are called to do it cheerfully. Out of love. Because we love.

Why is it so hard? For me, I think it is because I tend to focus on the negatives - "the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore." Whew! Those descriptions made me laugh because I can so relate. However, I tend to forget that my children are not an inconvenience; they are the children that God has given unto my care, trusted me with, to raise and love. 

I don't want to be the mother who looks back 13 years from now when Ella Beth moves out and heads off to college and wishes that I had done things differently. No, I want to look back and see that I have done a great work. That I loved my children as much as I could; I spent as much time with them as possible; I enjoyed them to the fullest.

Will I take a break every now and then? Yes! In just 3 days I will be leaving for a mother's weekend retreat where I will be refreshed and strengthened. But, those breaks will be few and far between. I can not be a mother who feels entitled to "her space" and "her freedom" - because my children would be left without their mama (whether physically, mentally, or spiritually) way too often if I allowed myself to believe the lie that "Mama is entitled, so just leave me alone." Sure, I am 6 months pregnant and I am physically exhausted, but I can't waste the time that I have been given now. It is so hard on many days to make this choice. But I must.

"The days are long but the years are short." 

So I will give myself up.

I will lay myself down.

I will choose to sacrifice myself.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Cheerfully.

Multitudes on Monday

825. listening to the rain while laying in bed

826. yummy leftovers so I don't have to cook tonight

827. weekly meal plans to make my budget lighter and my week easier

828. a new shower head that feels so amazing my showers have extended by at least 5 minutes

829. new crayons

830. Ella Beth's love of art

831. brand new babies

832. Ella Beth's new fascination with babies

833. Landon's consistency

834. the anticipation of a weekend away with my bestest to grow as mothers together

835. new engagements

836. the joy of marriage

837. the pursuit of God who won't let me settle for less than He calls me to be

838. children at church who may not fully understand the love and grace of God, but who feel something each time they come that makes them want to come back

1 Chronicles 29:13, "Now, our God, we give you thanks, and we praise your glorious name."

When your heart is heavy

2012. A new year. While it has started off very well (as in nothing bad, sad, horrible, or life-altering has happened), 2012 has still started off heavy for me.

I have tried my best to be quiet and listen patiently for what the Lord is trying to tell me, but no great epiphany came. Well, at least not one that I knew of at the time...

I thought about what my new year's goals/resolutions would be this year as compared to last year. One of the biggest things that I decided to change last year was to not complain. Of course, I know that I did not go 365 days without a complaint slipping from my lips (hello! I am pregnant...and pregnancy and I aren't the greatest of friends). But, I prayed really hard that the Lord would help me with this goal. I have seen what it is to be in need, and I know that I am not. Yes, I would l-o-v-e a brand-new-fully-loaded-mini-van to show up in my driveway 2 weeks before baby boy gets here. And, since I'm being honest, I would love for that mini-van to be parked in the driveway of a bigger house...but when my mind wanders to feeling anxious about fitting three kiddos into my smaller SUV and smaller house the Lord gently reminds me that a mini-van and a larger house are not necessities. A want? Yes. A need? No. And He also reminds me to be thankful for what I do have and not to complain.

All last year I listed out many of my Thanksgivings each Monday. I had already decided that I would give it up this year because I had fulfilled my resolution and met my goal.

And that is when the heaviness started to settle within my heart. At first, it was just a minor irritation - something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Why am I in a funk at the beginning of a new year and after a truly wonderful Christmas?

In my quietness, the Lord spoke to my heart and answered the question I had not even spoken out loud. God is so good, isn't He?

As clearly as my children's laughter, my heart heard: "You have forgotten to give Me thanks. You have neglected to thank Me. And, when you don't return thanks to Me where does that leave you?"

It left me with a heavy heart. So, my New Year's (Life's?) Resolution is again to give thanks to Him from whom all things come. As I look back to the reason I chose giving thanks as a goal last year, one sentence that I typed out on simple white keys resonated with my heart -

It is hard to be discontent when you count your blessings. 

Those simple 11 words changed me, and my heart has grown closer to God during the last year more than any other time in my life. All by giving Him thanks. When my heart was heavy it was my reminder to be grateful for all He has done, has given, has not done, has taken away. Because thanking God is trusting God. And trusting God is giving Him all the Glory and Honor that He deserves.

Psalm 9:1-2: "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High."