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Amber

Something new

So I've never done anything like blogging before, but a friend suggested that I try it out since I was telling her that sometimes I just want to talk...but with an 8-month old as my only audience most of the day...well, you get the drift.  I don't want anyone to think that I don't talk to my cute hubbie, but after he's had a long day at work I feel a little bad bombarding him with all of the "stuff" that I've kept inside all day!  My friend convinced me that this would be a wonderful "out" (and my hubbie can always keep up at his own leisure). :)

Well, in the last week something wonderful has happened to me twice.  While at the grocery store/grocery store parking lot two complete strangers have shown true kindness.  At Wal-mart last week, an older gentleman unloaded my grocery cart for me.  I had Ella Beth in her front carrier, and as you moms know, bending over is quite a challenge!  The man was from Germany, and he told me that where he was from no one ever helped out a stranger, but he wanted to change that since he moved to the States.  Then today, I again had Ella Beth in the front carrier (definitely in the top 10 inventions) and I was unloading my groceries into my car.  Well, the wind was so crazy that it was actually carrying my cart off!  While I was chashing after it, a kind lady came up to me and told me that she would load all of the groceries into my car.  Umm, can anyone say an act of service?!  It just made me so happy inside to know that among all of the yuck in the world, there is still a lot of good.  How blessed am I to have it shown to me twice in one week!  It just reminds me of the role our Savior took as a servant to show His love for us.  I hope that in the near future I have the opportunity to serve someone, too.

Truth confessions

I posted this the other day, but took it down about an hour later. I didn't want my lack of faith to cause anyone else to falter. But, after being up with Ella Beth as she threw up for two hours last night...maybe if I post this (and leave it up) someone might be able to give me some encouragement.

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As a Christian, I have had times in my life where I have struggled, but I always knew that those areas of struggle were "relatively small and simple" - nothing faith altering.

I can't say the same for how things have been going lately.

I've been struggling. Big struggles. I've been finding it hard to want to even talk to God. I've been asking myself questions like, "Does God really care about the details of our lives?" "Where is God in the day to day?"

March 9, 2009. 7:10 a.m. I was so scared. Forget doubting God during that moment. Forget remembering to brush my teeth before I ran out the door. I was terrified of losing my daughter. I was scared to buckle her in her car seat, worried that she may not make it...she may die...before I can even get her to the hospital. Ella Beth had literally been sick over 50 times during the ten hours before. She couldn't stand, could barely move any part of her body, and when she tried to speak to tell me that she didn't feel well or that she needed to be sick, her words were so slurred that I couldn't even understand her.

I suppose that's where it started. Then, of course, were the 25 attempts to get an IV into my daughter; 2 of which were successful over a 2-day period.

I remember calling out (audibly) to God asking Him to PLEASE help the nurses, technicians, specialists just find a vein. Sure, they did on the 17th try...only to have the vein blow 2 hours later, in her foot, and then to have 8 more unsuccessful sticks the next day. Next, to have nurses come in for "blood work" and have to prick and squeeze Ella Beth's fingers and toes (ALL of them), just to get a tiny tube of blood.

I just kept thinking, when does this ever end? God, are you there? Can't you just help? You're BIG, remember? Just blink an eyelash, think about her for a split second, do something to help. Please?

No answer.

Now, should that be faith-shaking? Maybe to you, not. But to me, it has been. Has God turned His back on me? Is He testing me for some reason?

I'm failing if He is testing me.

And, of course, March 9, 2009 - well, that was just the first hospital admission.

Then, there was March 20, 2009. Started all over, got worse, had more than one scare in the hospital. And, still, we have no real answers. Testing keeps going.

I just wonder where God is sometimes.

Yes, I know we live in a fallen world. But, the Bible tells us that God is always with us. It doesn't feel that way right now. I think back to the Israelites as they walked around, lost, for 400 years during the time that God did turn His back to His people. Generations lived and died, never seeing even a glimpse of God.

Their faith was way beyond my own.

Why should I pray about raising support for my mission trip to Kenya? (Which, by the way isn't coming in as fast as it needs to. Imagine that.) Why pray about the money I need to raise? It's a small detail. Does God really want to get involved in me raising money? Small Prayer Request vs. Big Prayer Request. Is that the battle?

But, I am trying my hardest to find my way back to talking with God. Despite feeling disappointed in Him, not just in the circumstances we faced, I still know He is God. I know He is a big God. I just wish He felt smaller. Not smaller in his capabilities; I still want a Big God who can pull off Big wonders. Just smaller in that He could show up and be tangible in the details.

Easter '09

So, really, we are just glad that we made it to Easter healthy. We had fun. We enjoyed time together. We enjoyed time with family. We celebrated our risen Savior.

I love this picture of my two favorite fellas enjoying one another's company. Scott is Landon's hero.

Landon enjoyed picking up eggs at our first egg hunt; he wasn't in any hurry about it though. ;)

Ella Beth had to open every. single. egg to see what was inside before she would put it in her bucket!

 
Ella Beth's Easter basket from Mimi. Lots of fun things inside!

Landon also had lots of fun things inside his basket. He didn't know what to think!

Love the fact that neither of my children feel the need to look at the camera when I actually get both of them in my lap, happy, not fighting, not crying... Oh well! Notice the new hair?!?!

Bed head on Easter morning!!! Ella Beth loved her new rocking horse.

Landon loves his Little People farm and animals. He will play with this for up to 20 minutes by himself! (Until Ella Beth comes along...)

Please look closely at this picture...Ella Beth has a BLACK EYE. Saturday night, Ella Beth went to the potty on the "big potty." When she was trying to step down (backwards) from her stool, she slipped and landed right on her eye. A nice shiner for Easter morning. Too bad it didn't go well with her dress...

The family kiddos ready for the last egg hunt of 2009. Next year, I think I want to limit our egg hunts to two - the one in our front yard, and the annual family hunt. Too many takes the fun out of it. Love how excited Landon looks in this shot!

Landon and Ella Beth enjoying the fruits (i.e. candy) of their labor!!!

(Very) quick update

Yes, I know that I haven't been updating like I should...but I have had SO much to catch up on that I haven't had time.

But, I'll give a very quick update:

Ella Beth went in last Thursday for blood work. A neonatal lab specialist was requested to "stick" her, and she was successful on the FIRST try!!! Yippie! She even got Ella Beth to talk to her while the blood was flowing (very slowly) out. She asked her how old she was, and Ella Beth said, "I'm two and a half." Then, she asked her when her birthday was. Well, Ella Beth really perked up, forgot about the needle in her arm and said, "My birthday is August 7th, 2006!" We all just cracked up that she actually said the 2006 part! It made her blood flow a little faster, too. :)

OK...So some of her tests have come back. She was NEGATIVE for Hepatitis A. :) Her liver readings were back within the "normal" range. :) And the test for Celiac Disease has come back NEGATIVE! :) Huge blessings there! (Of course, we've been told that there are often false negatives with Celiac...but not worrying about that. )

She goes to the GI specialist on Thursday for a physical and complete work up. Can't wait to see what they have her do during her physical. They just need to play some toddler tunes, and she'll just dance and sing her way around the office for exercise!

OK...gonna get back to work (Hi, Russell!). But, since our pediatrician just called with the results, I really wanted to get this posted. Thank you all who have called to check in on Ella Beth and Landon. So glad I finally have updates to share!

Still thinking...

So, just a few weeks ago I posted what turned out to be a slightly controversial post about our church. Didn't notice the comments??? Well, that would be because most people responded to me via email or through a phone call. I will not disclose anyone's name or direct comment, but I was very interested that so many people felt the same way that Scott and I did.

It seems almost that we must sacrifice community for teaching, or sacrifice teaching for community.

Almost.

During the last 3 1/2 weeks, our really big church became a good bit smaller. I don't know if it took someone as insignificant as me writing about my disappointment, or if it took a really good friend...or both, but we have come to realize how hard times can bring out small communities in a really big church. 

My dear friend, Ashley, took it upon herself to be the go-between for our friends and give them updates and ask for specific prayer requests regarding Ella Beth and Landon's status. During a time when we were relying on the prayers of others, but not having a spare moment to send out an email, Ashley stepped up in wonderful-friend-fashion to let everyone know what was going on and how they could pray for our children. On top of that, she also became the organizer of a meal calendar for those (amazing!) people who wanted to help us out once we got home.

Our small group leaders, Tom and Amy, also stepped up and were wonderful to visit us at the hospital, call to let us know they were thinking and praying for us, and come by to visit us once we were home and semi-settled.

Will our entire church ever know that we were struggling as a family? No. It's probably a good thing, too, or we would have way more food than we could ever eat!!! And, it's OK with us. We are not desiring to be the center of attention in any situation, we just wanted to know that the church we are so deeply committed to is equally as committed to us. In a small way, it is.

It's good that there are "systems" in place for such a big church to reach out and be the community for its members. There is no way that "systems" in a big church will ever be perfect. I suppose there are just too many people to please. ;) I can say with confidence, though, that our church is always looking to improve itself.

It will be improved by us some time in the future. When someone we know is struggling and in need, we will be the first to lend a helping hand. Perhaps the "pay it forward" method is what will keep our big church grounded and a tad bit smaller.

Home...at last

Below is an "update" that I sent out in an email, (new info below):
The infectious diseases doctor came to see us about 12 o'clock on Tuesday. She talked to us and explained how they had tested for every
disease that they could. All tests came back a little "off," but not
far enough off that they could diagnose her with anything specific. She
also told us that Ella Beth is not contagious. Apparently there is a
horrible virus going around Cumming that a lot of children are coming
down with, but that Ella Beth isn't the source of people we know
getting sick. Whew! Of course, most of them are only sick for a day or
two, but that the GI specialist was coming to see Ella Beth later that
afternoon and explain why her system wasn't able to handle just a
normal stomach bug.

The
GI doctor was a nice man, and took a lot of time talking with us. He
explained that there is nothing that they can do for Ella Beth right
now. Her "gut" (did you know that is the actual medical term that
doctors use for the digestive track? I thought it was funny)...anyway,
her gut is very damaged right now from being sick for such an extended
amount of time. Due to the "damage," there are no tests that he can do
that would accurately report what's truly going on. The doctor did tell
us that he suspects that she is allergic to whey, which is one of the
components of milk. She is off whey until her appointment with the GI
specialist in two weeks. He hopes that her gut will be on the mend so
that he can determine why a stomach virus would cripple her so
severely. Right now he is thinking that whey isn't digested properly
which would lead to an irritation; mix that irritation in with a
stomach virus and bam!

We
were given the option of staying in the hospital to keep Ella Beth on
fluids and allow them to continue monitoring her intake and output, or
we could do it at home. For us, it was an easy decision. There was no
point in keeping her at the hospital (where she is terrified of
everyone) when we could get her back to her normal environment. Alas,
we are home. She is still adjusting, but doing well. Her energy level
is low from not being on fluids 24/7, but she has eaten relatively well
today and has drunk a decent amount of water.

Landon is still
getting sick, but the doctor suspects that he may also have the same
allergy that Ella Beth has. He has advised us to keep him on the same
whey-free diet to see if his symptoms improve. The most important thing
for both of them is to keep them hydrated and eating as much as their
symptoms can tolerate. Both were put on Prevacid to help with the acid
that is in their guts so that their food can (hopefully) stay down and keep them comfortable!

Again,
we can't express our gratitude enough that you prayed Ella Beth back to
health. We are amazed by your friendship! I would like to encourage you
to visit CHOA at Scottish Rite some time when you have a chance. The
children there will change your life. Some times it was actually
difficult for me to pray for my own Ella Beth and Landon because during
my prayer I would shift my focus on another child that I had seen that
day. One with leukemia who was fighting for his life; the children with
severe malformations who will always struggle to live a normal life; or
the precious little girl whose room was next door who suffered from
chronic pain due to Chrones disease. Life was definitely put into
perspective for us.

So, after all that...we get a call from our pediatrician today saying that she needs Ella Beth to come in to the office tomorrow morning (Friday @9:15) in order to test her for Hepatitis A. She told us that Ella Beth's liver readings are out of whack, and with all of the symptoms that she has had over the last 3 1/2 weeks, there is a chance that she could have contracted Hepatitis A. So...my poor, sweet, little girl has to go get "stuck" again tomorrow morning. Hoping beyond hope that she does not have Hepatitis A. There is no medicine for it, and while it only lasts about 3 weeks...symptoms can return full force for up to 24 months. Sheesh.

Our 2009 sure has been a doozie so far. I hope everyone else's has started better...and I'm crossing my fingers that it improves for us. April sounds like a great month to start!