What a month

Let me just be honest and say that September 2008 has been one rotten month.  It's one that I am glad to see end, and it had better not repeat!

I am still in the healing process of my surgery.  It has been very uncomfortable.  I had a bit of a set back when I went for a post-op visit last Tuesday.  Apparently, my wound wasn't being packed as deeply as it should be.  (Yes, it is as horrible as it sounds.)  When the doctor and nurse saw me, they had to do a bit of work and showed Scott how to correctly pack it.  OK, people - I cried at the doctor's office.  I am 29 years old, and I cried.  It was just so very painful.  After that was over with (thank goodness!), my doctor asked me if I needed a note for work.  I said that my boss understood that I had to leave early that day, and no, I didn't need one.  He looked at me funny and said, "You're back at work?  In the office?"  I said that I was, and he told me that I was the "toughest patient he's ever had."  WOW!  That's saying a lot.  Especially when it comes to me!  He said that most people who have this surgery take at least a month off of work.  I'll be the first to admit that going back to work was very difficult (read: painful) at first, but staying home with two babies is much more difficult.  On Wednesdays when I work from home, I really struggle.  I'm constantly having to pick up my babies, and that does nothing good for an open wound.  No, I told the doctor that going to work really is easier than staying home every day.  Men really under estimate the strength, resiliency, and toughness of mothers.  What's surgery when I've given birth twice???

I have been missing my grandma a lot over the last couple of days.  I miss how my grandma was back when we shared so many wonderful memories together.  It's hard to say goodbye to anyone, I guess, even if you truly know and understand that they are in a much better place. 

I'm still struggling with my friend's loss.  I keep thinking that it must be a nightmare because nothing like this really happens.  But it did.  I know that she's been struggling over the past week.  I learned yesterday that one of the nurses at the pediatrician's office lost her baby when she was 24 hours old.  She was born with a herniated diaphragm that was undetected.  She now has two other children, who were both born healthy.  I pray that God will bless Ashly and Denny in the same way.

Scott, Ella Beth, and Landon are also sick.  Scott has had a bad cold.  Ella Beth has an ear infection, and her ear drum ruptured during the night on Thursday.  Landon has a very bad cold that's in his chest.  When it rains, it pours.  It's been rough not being 100% myself and trying to take care of everyone.  Scott hasn't taken "time off" from being a Daddy, but it's rough on him not being 100%, too. 

I am definitely looking forward to October.  This taste of fall weather has helped to lift my spirits.  I truly am blessed in so many ways, so I won't ponder on the month of September once it has passed.  I will focus on the many blessings and opportunities that I know are in store. 

"But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, 'The Lord be exalted!'"  Psalm 40:16

A beautiful life

Mary Catherine Whalin - my grandmother.  May 27, 1920-September 21, 2008.

Some of my most vivid memories of being a little girl revolve around time spent with my grandmother.  Most of those memories were made in a kitchen.  My "Mamaw" taught me everything I know about baking.  I still measure my dry ingredients (sugar, flour, etc.) the way Mamaw taught me...with the back side of a knife so to make it exactly the correct amount. 

I spent hours upon hours in the kitchen with Mamaw.  I had my special step stool to stand on so that I was high enough to work on the counter tops.  We made thousands of cookies, hundreds of cakes, hundreds of jars of jams, and many other yummies.  Smells trigger memories of my Mamaw more than anything else.  That's so fitting.

I stayed with Mamaw many days growing up while my mom worked.  I can't remember ever being bored.  (What kid could be bored when sugary treats were involved? :))  We spent time out in her garden.  We visited with her friends...who also had nice sugary treats to share.  We watched her "stories" (aka - soaps) before they became R rated.  We played thousands of rounds of Yahtzee - still one of my favorite games.

Mamaw lost my grandfather when I was 4.  I never remember her sulking or being depressed about his passing.  She loved to tell stories of wonderful times they spent together.  She loved to tell me how they eloped.  I love this story: Mamaw was only 17 when she eloped with my Papaw.  Her parents didn't really like Papaw, but she was in love.  She lived at home with her parents until she turned 18 - secretly married.  Then, they spent the rest of their lives together.  Isn't that just such a fun story? 

My mom and I moved to GA when I was 8.  It was harder to leave my grandmother behind in KY than anything else.  Mamaw moved down as soon as she could, and I remember being so happy when she was down here with us.  She stayed with us a little while, in our very small house - with a cat and a dog...neither of which she liked all that much!  But, oh, how I loved her being there with me.  When she did move into her own place, it was only about 4 miles away.

These last few years have been very different.  Mamaw was diagnosed with Dementia a few years back. Alzheimers/Dementia is such a cruel disease.  I know my grandmother didn't remember much in the last couple of years, but I believe that she did remember some of our wonderful memories that we shared together.  It made me happy that she could remember really far back - memories of times with my grandfather, memories of times with her siblings, memories of things that were special to her. 

When you think of the people you have known all your life, parents, siblings, and grand parents are usually who you remember.  That makes those people even more special.  I hate that I won't know Mamaw the rest of my life, but I will always remember her.

Mamaw was a wonderful grandmother.  I have loved her deeply all of my life.  I always will.

My heart aches

Today, my friend Ashly experienced a tragedy beyond comprehension.  Today, her son Brooks was born and was given immediately to our Lord.

Ashly was in her last week of pregnancy with her son, Brooks.  I ate lunch with her on Monday and we talked about those "last minute details" of pregnancy and preparing to bring home a child.  I can still remember the look of excitement and anticipation on her face as we just gushed with giddiness.

It's gone. 

Yesterday, Ashly and her husband, Denny, learned that their son no longer had a heartbeat.  Ashly gave birth to Brooks this morning at 8:20.  She held him.  She loved him.  She didn't want to let him go.

I don't understand why she had to.

My heart aches for Ashly.  I want to be mad, but for some reason...I just can't be.  I want to shake my fists at God and scream, "WHY?????"  But I don't.  

2 Samuel 22:31 tells us that God's way is perfect.  I choose to believe it. 

I don't understand how this is perfect.  Brooks must have been amazingly special, because our Lord simply called him home.

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Please pray for Ashly and Denny.  Pray for healing.  Pray for comfort.  Pray for protection.  Pray for peace.  Pray that Jesus would surround them.  Pray that they will feel Him.

Bandage change

Ouch.  That's really all I have to say. 

I did scream out a slightly dirty word during my bandage change, but when gauze is being poked into an open wound, can you blame me?  I feel badly about my slip, but not as badly as I was feeling during the actual procedure.  Hopefully, God will forgive me!

I've been home most of the day, other than my post-op at the hospital.  I've been able to rest, which has been very nice...and needed.  Landon didn't sleep well last night, so Scott and I didn't get much rest.  Scott got up with Landon, but I was still awake.  Something about having one of my babies crying; I just can't sleep through it. 

I did have flowers delivered from my team at work.  Such nice guys I work with!  For those of you who don't know, of the 7 people on my team I am the only girl.  You better believe I keep them in line!  I am, again, reminded how blessed I am  to work in such a wonderful environment.   Since I was so unexpectedly sick, I couldn't imagine a more understanding team of people to support me.  I can tell you that I am looking forward to getting back to work on Monday.  I may still be moving slowly, but I'll be moving at work.

Well, my mom is here cooking supper, so I'm going to enjoy a little more rest.  :)

Home

I'm home.  My spine & tailbone are numb for the moment.  I have plenty of percoset for when the local they gave me wears off.  That's what I'm nervous about.  I'm enjoying not feeling anything right now, and I don't want to go back.

The surgery went well.  The doctor thinks that he got most to all of the tumor, which he wasn't expecting to be able to do.  Blessing!  They are sending it to the lab for testing.  Praying it comes back clean.

I'm going to go rest.  I didn't sleep well last night b/c the percoset never really set in, but I'm hoping that since the tumor has been removed the percoset will do its job.

Thank you all for your emails and messages.  I feel so blessed to have such sweet friends. :)

A pain in the butt

OK, so it's really in my tailbone...but it's close enough.

Tomorrow morning I am going in for surgery to have a cyst/tumor removed from the base of my spine.  I have been in excruciating pain for the past 3 days, so I finally went to the doctor.  (I've been hurting for almost two weeks, but it's one of those things that I kept hoping would go away.)  When I saw the doctor this morning, he immediately called the hospital and sent me over.  I am having emergency surgery tomorrow.  Sounds worse than it is.  Kinda. 

I have honestly never been in such horrible pain.  After I had Ella Beth, I had some pretty extensive recovery, but I also had my sweet daughter to help keep my mind off the discomfort.  Even with colitis that I just had two months ago, I went to the ER quickly so it was over soon enough.

I should have listened to my body (and to my hubby) and gone to the doctor much sooner.  Lesson learned.

I can't sit at all.  Makes nursing interesting since I have to stand.  It hurts to lay down because there is still pressure on my spine no matter how I position myself. 

Ugh.  I've been taking percoset, but my pain has gotten so severe that in all honesty, it hasn't been working in the last 8 hours. 

I am looking forward to the procedure, though I will admit I am a bit scared.  I am just hopeful that once my surgery is over, the only discomfort I will feel is from healing.  Healing.  Now that's a word I like. 

I've been in contact with Landon's ped and a lactation consultant.  They both say that if I just pump-n-dump once after the anesthesia wears off, I should be good to go.  I am also going to be on a pretty stiff antibiotic to fight off any infection, but with good timing Landon shouldn't have any adverse side-effects.

Well, I'm only up this late because I've been waiting for the time that I can take another pain killer.  Hopefully this one will help me out. 

Night, night.

6 Months

Oh what a joy this little fella is!  Landon is absolutely, 100% H-A-P-P-Y!  It has been really emotional on me this week because Landon is now half-way to his first birthday.  I can't get over how time flies, especially when little ones enter the world. 

Landon is such a happy little fella.  He smiles all of the time.  He laughs all of the time.  He's just yummy!  In the last week he has started saying "mama" and has been reaching for me...and only me.  I won't be shy...I LOVE IT!  He loves his Mommy!  I tell you what, I kiss him more than is legal I'm sure.  I was the same way with Ella Beth.  What am I saying, "Was?"  Heck, I still kiss that girl any time I can!!!  Landon enjoys watching his big sister play and talk.  He has learned (the hard way) that when she gets close he needs to watch out.  Most of the time when she gets too close to him, even if she hasn't touched him, he will give a little cry out as if to say, "Ummm, hello?  Someone help me before she gets me again!"  He's always a good sport with Ella Beth's excitable playing, but he definitely knows he needs some back up!  However, he can dish it out with some mighty fine hair pulling.  The boy loves hair, and he will snatch it whenever he can.  Ella Beth has been a good sport about it, too. :)

Landon is 6 months and 14 pounds, 26 inches.  Of course, he doesn't weigh what the charts say he should.  He's already not on them.  Ha!  Thank goodness our pediatrician understands that he's healthy (just like his sister).  She says that my babies just have off-the-chart metabolisms, and that's why they are not on the chart. ;)  Who cares!  Landon is healthy and happy.  He measures in at the 40% for height, but I'm still trusting that my prayers for him to be tall will be answered as he grows up.  Pun intended. :)

He is also sleeping better.  Everyone is sleeping better.  Everyone = Mommy & Daddy. :)  He transitioned from not being swaddled quicker than we anticipated.  Sometimes he will fuss for a few minutes before he drifts off to sleep, but it's not bad at all.  Yay!  Landon has also learned to be mobile.  He can scoot on his back, pushing with his feet, all over the place.  He will make it around a room in about 2 minutes flat.  That's going to every corner, every wall, every place in one room.  He loves it!  When he figures out the whole crawling maneuver we're in for it! 

Here are a couple of pictures that I snapped just to document the 6th month mark.  I'm going to take some more, but these are just a couple of the ones I snapped before Ella Beth entered the room and distracted Landon.  Once she came in, he was only interested in what she was doing.  Sibling love.  Priceless. :)

Any wonder why this is my favorite little fella?!!