Isn't it interesting how when you allow God to work, He will?
So many times I can get in His way.
For the first 7 years of our marriage (of 9 years), all I wanted was to "move up." Bigger house in a prestigious neighborhood, better car, name brand everything - and by name brand I meant "high end." And I wanted to be noticed for it. "Oh look at
your purse, it's so cute!" "I love
your house." "Where did
you get
your shoes?!" "Oh wow!
You got a new car!"
It was ultimately all about me.
With each passing year that we were still in our same small house, I felt the resentment grow. The house felt even smaller, my hospitality lessened, and I became ungrateful. I based my worth off of material things, somehow confusing possessions with acceptance. I didn't want to invite friends over for dinner because I was embarrassed of our small house. I was allowing my happiness to be based on what I had or had not. That if I had more/better/nicer/bigger I would be happier.
Oh, that race can get old.
And that race really doesn't lead to anywhere I want to be anyway. Why do I keep focusing on me when I am not the prize? Why do I keep focusing on me when I have been called to focus on Him? And for Pete's sake, why do I keep focusing on my
wants when I should be focusing on and fulfilling others'
needs?
I counted and I have 256 articles of clothing
(which does not include my winter clothes that are put up) and 22 pairs of shoes in my closet. And most of them I never wear. If I average $40 spent on each clothing item in my closet today, that is $10,240. Over $10,000 spent on just me. And there are 4 other people in my house who are also well dressed.
When I think back to the precious people in Haiti and Kenya who wore the same dirty and tattered clothes every single day and who lived off of
less than $1 a day, I am ashamed of myself. It would take the average person in Haiti or Kenya 28
years to earn what my wardrobe cost. I know this, and yet I have lived like I don't. That sickens me.
Proverbs 24:12 says,
"Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.”
For God understands all hearts, and he sees you.
He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve."
(New Living Translation, italics mine)
I guarantee you that when I get to heaven I am not going to boast about my cute wardrobe and coordinating accessories.
God is shaking me up, and I am so thankful. He is messing with my eyes to take my focus off of me and to put it on Him. To put my focus on His children who are naked so that I can give them clothes. His children who are hungry so that I can give them food. His children who are lonely so that I can introduce them to the One who made them, who is with them, and who loves them with a never-ending-never-giving-up-unconditional-love. My focus can no longer be on me. I have been blessed beyond measure, and I am ashamed that it has taken me so long to realize that. No more buying things to replace what I already have; no more careless spending; no more keeping up with the Jones' - because I honestly don't want what they have: an insatiable appetite for more.
My life is but a short moment in time, and I only have one life to live. I don't want to waste my only chance to live as Jesus commanded me to. I will be accountable for what I do with everything He has given to me. I want to commit to living on less so that I can be filled with more of Him. And I pray that my children will see this so that they, too, can fight against the battle of excess.
If you'd like to have your vision and life shaken up then I encourage you to read
Radical, by David Platt and/or
7, by Jen Hatmaker.
"If we all raised others' needs up instead of satisfying our excessive wants, there would be few needs left on earth." (Jen Hatmaker, paraphrased by me)
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By the way, I'd love to do a Book Study via this blog on
7. If you'd be interested in joining, please leave a comment and let me know.
