Growing Kids

I received this in my inbox the other day from Scream Free Parenting:

"Don't laugh at a youth for his affectations; he is only trying on one face after another to find his own."

-Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946), American Essayist and Critic

Parenting Tip:

Children, like adults, long to be taken seriously. Hopes, dreams, fears, and hurts are every bit as real to kids as they are to us. Whether it’s a toddler who is afraid of the dark or a teen who has just had her heart broken, we can really make a difference if we can empathize with them rather than ridicule or dismiss them.

Remember, kids are in the process of becoming. They are trying on all sorts of personalities, likes, dislikes, and attitudes to see what fits them best. The more supportive you can be in what matters to them and the less reactive you get in the heat of the moment, the better off you’ll both be.
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This "parenting tip" really struck home with me. How many times have I laughed (both inwardly and outwardly) at Ella Beth as she imitates me, Scott, her older cousins, neighbors, and friends? How many times have I punished her for repeating things that her older cousins, neighbors, and friends have said...despite the fact that she didn't know that what she was repeating was inappropriate?

Too many times to count.

It's so easy to get caught up in the "Growing Up" aspect of raising our children and to forget how impressionable, how young, they really are. So often I treat Ella Beth as a much bigger girl than she really is. I neglect the fact that her learning curve is enormous at 4 years. So many things are still very new to her; her context is not that vast.

My favorite part of the Tip is this: we can really make a difference if we can empathize with them rather than ridicule or dismiss them.

To me, this is a jewel. I see the benefit of this now and later. I see how important my reaction is to Ella Beth getting in the car after preschool and telling me, "_________ said 'stupid' today." I can't just jump in and tell her, "We don't say those things, and I don't care if you are just repeating it, we still don't say that." Um, no.

If she feels unsafe in telling me that (which is a big thing in her 4 year old world), why would I expect her to come to me later when something much bigger is going on? Ella Beth cares so much about what I think of her. She puts a lot of pressure on herself always wanting to please me. (I love our special bond, but this is definitely an area that I must tip-toe around because of how vulnerable my sweet girl is.) I must be very deliberate in how I respond when she is confiding in me - even if it's something that I don't want to hear.

When she is 15 and her friends are experimenting with all kinds of things, I want to be her sounding board. I would rather have all lines of communication open than the contrary.

I feel blessed to have stumbled upon this jewel while my children are still very young, and blessed that I have a few years of practice before the real tests begin.