Pregnancy so far - 24 weeks

Look at me, I actually remembered to have a belly photo taken at 24 weeks. That's no small miracle these days considering that I can hardly remember what I am talking about sometimes. No joke - yesterday, I was chatting it up with my mother-in-law after my doctor's appointment and I just stopped in MID-SENTENCE and had to ask, "Uh, what was I talking about???" Pregnancy brain is a dangerous thing!

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I am 24 weeks pregnant. I feel 34+ weeks pregnancy. I don't know if it's because it's been 4 years, or because this is my third go 'round, or if it's just that I am busy with two other kiddos who still require lots of energy and who like to be picked up a few dozen times a day...but, I am hurting. Badly. The "pressure" has already started, contractions are daily, and there are times that I feel like something is tearing "in there" and it's excruciating (sorry for TMI!). But, I am just surviving on prayer and hope that God will see Porter and me through. Whenever anxieties try to wrestle their way in, I fight them off with prayer trusting that God is in control. He already knows what's going to happen and when. And, I'm just trusting Him with it all. (It's easier some days than others.)

Sick? Not really. However, I have gone from nausea to now being famished one day and then not being hungry for 2 or 3 days.

Maternity clothes? Yes. Pants and shirts now. I really only have 6 shirts and two pairs of pants that actually fit. So, I try to save those for days I know I'll be leaving the house. On days like today, though, I am wearing maternity clothes that look like Scott's clothes on me. I think it's funny that 15 years ago women used to wear really loose-fitting maternity clothes and thought that they were stylish. For me, not so much. It's probably b/c I'm so stinkin' short, but fitted maternity clothes are a much better option!

Showing? Yes. I still have a few people ask or give that questioning look, but when I'm wearing those "better clothes" there is no doubt!

Weight gain? Yes. And that's all I'm going to say. (I'll probably stick with this answer for a while, and may or may not reveal the total poundage at the end!)

Swelling? I definitely wake up every morning with puffy hands, but other than my tush swelling up (i.e. plumping up), not really. I also think my face has swollen a bit, but that could just be weight gain. My face got a little plump during my second trimester with Ella Beth and Landon, but then went down as I got closer to delivery. Hope that happens again soon!

Cravings? Still eating lots of apples - cold, crisp Granny Smiths and lots of cold red grapes. I am also craving sub sandwiches - turkey, lettuce, a little oil, and a lot of black pepper. Instead of making a run to Subway or Publix every day, I have started buying hoagie rolls at Publix and making my own at home.

Tired? I'm doing better on the sleepy aspect, but I do feel spent and exhausted a lot of the time. I find that I need to sit and rest (or stand and rest if I'm having contractions) a good bit of the day.



Am I going to have a shower? My friends Meredith and Amber and my mom and mother-in-law are throwing me a shower next month. I am very excited as we desperately need many necessities. Other than a pack-n-play, semi-umbrella stroller, one pack of bottles, and a shopping cart cover, there is nothing on my registry for over $15! Baby spoons, burp cloths, sippy cups, bibs, pacifiers, etc. make up just about everything! I am looking forward to seeing family and friends all gathered together to celebrate sweet little Porter. I know he will be very well loved. :)

Favorite pregnancy moment this month? It would definitely be the kiddos trying to take care of their baby brother already. Ella Beth and Landon will bring me apples from the fridge when they think that he needs a snack! And they ask questions about what he would like for dinner, or if he liked that CFA chicken biscuit, or if he's warm enough. This littlest fella is going to be well taken care of (maybe too much!) once he gets here. :)
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Pictures:

Only one belly shot this month, but at least I have one! And, really...when people give me that questioning look I just can't believe it. I mean look at that belly!!!

When selfishness gets in my way

“[Motherhood as a mission field] is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.“ Rachel Jankovic

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Giving up yourself.

Lay yourself down.

Cheerfully.

Again.

Plans thwarted.

Sacrifice.

Are any of those easy for you, because none of those come naturally to me. If you had asked me before I became a mother if I was willing to sacrifice everything for my children, I would have said without a doubt or hesitation, "Yes!"

And then I became a mother.

And then I became a mother again. And now as I await sweet baby boy who will make me a mother yet again, that whole idea of sacrifice becomes harder.

When I just had Birdie-girl I honestly didn't have to sacrifice all that much. If I wanted to do something for myself, I had her nap times to do it by golly! Then when Buddy-Ro came along, if I wanted to do something for myself, I had their shared nap times to do it. That was until Birdie stopped napping. And then, Buddy-Ro stopped napping. And now, when do I make time for myself? What about me? Me, me, me!

Oh, wow. I think I have become a more selfish person since having kids. How in the world did that happen? 

Yesterday, I was resting on my bed while the kiddos were watching 30 minutes of TV. As I "rested" I checked my email, checked FB, played Words With Friends. And, I asked myself (or quite possibly it was the Spirit asking), "What would you be doing if you didn't have that smart phone of yours?"

 

Ouch.

It hurt because I knew the answer as soon as the question was asked. I would be doing something with my kiddos. Whether it be snuggling as we watched TV together, or playing a game, or baking together, or teaching them to fold/clean/etc.

 

It all comes back to giving myself up. Laying myself down. Sacrificing. And, we are called to do it cheerfully. Out of love. Because we love.

Why is it so hard? For me, I think it is because I tend to focus on the negatives - "the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore." Whew! Those descriptions made me laugh because I can so relate. However, I tend to forget that my children are not an inconvenience; they are the children that God has given unto my care, trusted me with, to raise and love.

I don't want to be the mother who looks back 13 years from now when Birdie moves out and heads off to college and wishes that I had done things differently. No, I want to look back and see that I have done a great work. That I loved my children as much as I could; I spent as much time with them as possible; I enjoyed them to the fullest.

Will I take a break every now and then? Yes! In just 3 days I will be leaving for a mother's weekend retreat where I will be refreshed and strengthened. But, those breaks will be few and far between. I can not be a mother who feels entitled to "her space" and "her freedom" - because my children would be left without their mama (whether physically, mentally, or spiritually) way too often if I allowed myself to believe the lie that "Mama is entitled, so just leave me alone." Sure, I am 6 months pregnant and I am physically exhausted, but I can't waste the time that I have been given now. It is so hard on many days to make this choice. But I must.

"The days are long but the years are short." 

So I will give myself up.

I will lay myself down.

I will choose to sacrifice myself.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Cheerfully.

 

When selfishness gets in my way

“[Motherhood as a mission field] is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.“ Rachel Jankovic

--

Giving up yourself.

Lay yourself down.

Cheerfully.

Again.

Plans thwarted.

Sacrifice.

Are any of those easy for you, because none of those come naturally to me. If you had asked me before I became a mother if I was willing to sacrifice everything for my children, I would have said without a doubt or hesitation, "Yes!" 

And then I became a mother. 

And then I became a mother again. And now as I await sweet baby boy who will make me a mother yet again, that whole idea of sacrifice becomes harder.

When I just had Ella Beth I honestly didn't have to sacrifice all that much. If I wanted to do something for myself, I had her nap times to do it by golly! Then when Landon came along, if I wanted to do something for myself, I had their shared nap times to do it. That was until Ella Beth stopped napping. And then, Landon stopped napping. And now, when do I make time for myself? What about me? Me, me, me!

Oh, wow. I think I have become a more selfish person since having kids. How in the world did that happen? 

Yesterday, I was resting on my bed while the kiddos were watching 30 minutes of TV. As I "rested" I checked my email, checked FB, played Words With Friends. And, I asked myself (or quite possibly it was the Spirit asking), "What would you be doing if you didn't have that smart phone of yours?"

Ouch. 

It hurt because I knew the answer as soon as the question was asked. I would be doing something with my kiddos. Whether it be snuggling as we watched TV together, or playing a game, or baking together, or teaching them to fold/clean/etc.

It all comes back to giving myself up. Laying myself down. Sacrificing. And, we are called to do it cheerfully. Out of love. Because we love.

Why is it so hard? For me, I think it is because I tend to focus on the negatives - "the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore." Whew! Those descriptions made me laugh because I can so relate. However, I tend to forget that my children are not an inconvenience; they are the children that God has given unto my care, trusted me with, to raise and love. 

I don't want to be the mother who looks back 13 years from now when Ella Beth moves out and heads off to college and wishes that I had done things differently. No, I want to look back and see that I have done a great work. That I loved my children as much as I could; I spent as much time with them as possible; I enjoyed them to the fullest.

Will I take a break every now and then? Yes! In just 3 days I will be leaving for a mother's weekend retreat where I will be refreshed and strengthened. But, those breaks will be few and far between. I can not be a mother who feels entitled to "her space" and "her freedom" - because my children would be left without their mama (whether physically, mentally, or spiritually) way too often if I allowed myself to believe the lie that "Mama is entitled, so just leave me alone." Sure, I am 6 months pregnant and I am physically exhausted, but I can't waste the time that I have been given now. It is so hard on many days to make this choice. But I must.

"The days are long but the years are short." 

So I will give myself up.

I will lay myself down.

I will choose to sacrifice myself.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Cheerfully.

Multitudes on Monday

825. listening to the rain while laying in bed

826. yummy leftovers so I don't have to cook tonight

827. weekly meal plans to make my budget lighter and my week easier

828. a new shower head that feels so amazing my showers have extended by at least 5 minutes

829. new crayons

830. Ella Beth's love of art

831. brand new babies

832. Ella Beth's new fascination with babies

833. Landon's consistency

834. the anticipation of a weekend away with my bestest to grow as mothers together

835. new engagements

836. the joy of marriage

837. the pursuit of God who won't let me settle for less than He calls me to be

838. children at church who may not fully understand the love and grace of God, but who feel something each time they come that makes them want to come back

1 Chronicles 29:13, "Now, our God, we give you thanks, and we praise your glorious name."

When your heart is heavy

2012. A new year. While it has started off very well (as in nothing bad, sad, horrible, or life-altering has happened), 2012 has still started off heavy for me.

I have tried my best to be quiet and listen patiently for what the Lord is trying to tell me, but no great epiphany came. Well, at least not one that I knew of at the time...

I thought about what my new year's goals/resolutions would be this year as compared to last year. One of the biggest things that I decided to change last year was to not complain. Of course, I know that I did not go 365 days without a complaint slipping from my lips (hello! I am pregnant...and pregnancy and I aren't the greatest of friends). But, I prayed really hard that the Lord would help me with this goal. I have seen what it is to be in need, and I know that I am not. Yes, I would l-o-v-e a brand-new-fully-loaded-mini-van to show up in my driveway 2 weeks before baby boy gets here. And, since I'm being honest, I would love for that mini-van to be parked in the driveway of a bigger house...but when my mind wanders to feeling anxious about fitting three kiddos into my smaller SUV and smaller house the Lord gently reminds me that a mini-van and a larger house are not necessities. A want? Yes. A need? No. And He also reminds me to be thankful for what I do have and not to complain.

All last year I listed out many of my Thanksgivings each Monday. I had already decided that I would give it up this year because I had fulfilled my resolution and met my goal.

And that is when the heaviness started to settle within my heart. At first, it was just a minor irritation - something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Why am I in a funk at the beginning of a new year and after a truly wonderful Christmas?

In my quietness, the Lord spoke to my heart and answered the question I had not even spoken out loud. God is so good, isn't He?

As clearly as my children's laughter, my heart heard: "You have forgotten to give Me thanks. You have neglected to thank Me. And, when you don't return thanks to Me where does that leave you?"

It left me with a heavy heart. So, my New Year's (Life's?) Resolution is again to give thanks to Him from whom all things come. As I look back to the reason I chose giving thanks as a goal last year, one sentence that I typed out on simple white keys resonated with my heart -

It is hard to be discontent when you count your blessings. 

Those simple 11 words changed me, and my heart has grown closer to God during the last year more than any other time in my life. All by giving Him thanks. When my heart was heavy it was my reminder to be grateful for all He has done, has given, has not done, has taken away. Because thanking God is trusting God. And trusting God is giving Him all the Glory and Honor that He deserves.

Psalm 9:1-2: "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High."

Don't throw those away!!!

Each year we receive wonderful picture Christmas cards, and we display the photo cards on this crazy contraption. It's actually a Christmas tree made out of wires that is made to hold cards - it's just difficult to make out when it's all covered up under cards on top of cards on top of cards. :)

But what to do with them when Christmas is over? Throw them away? Recycle them? No, they are just too pretty!

So last year we decided to keep them in a simple wire basket in our kitchen, and each week during dinner we pray as a family for the family on the card. It has grown into a nice ritual we do as a family, and most of all we are teaching our children to pray for others.



During the week that we are praying for a specific family, I try to remember to send out an email to someone in the family to let them know that they are being prayed for. One of the best things about praying for others without them knowing it is that sometimes after sending out an email, a surprising response will come. More than once during the last year, I would get an email back saying "Thank you" because that family had been going through a rough patch, or that they had an answered prayer during that week. It has been a blessing to us as a family to pray for others. And, one thing that is really touching is when we come in contact with the specific family Ella Beth will often say something like, "Hey, we've been praying for you!" She is so proud, and that is something that I am thankful is being hidden in her heart. :)

So, before you toss all of your Christmas cards, maybe decide to pray for the families or do something else creative with them!

Multitudes on Monday

*I find it ironic that I have been keeping up with my multitudes of blessings each week on EVERY Monday...and the last Monday of the year, I forgot!

809. Christmas Eve with the "BIG" family

810. giving others gifts that are exactly what they wanted/needed

811. Christmas Eve jitters - we didn't think Landon would ever go to sleep!

812. putting gifts together after both kiddos were (finally) asleep

813. soundly sleeping children

814. waiting and waiting and waiting in bed for Ella Beth and Landon to wake up

815. hearing Landon in the living room PLAYING with his toys before he even came to get us (Scott made me wait until the kiddos came to get us - it was so hard!!!)

816. Landon waking Ella Beth up BEFORE he woke us up and yelling, "Ella Beth, come look what we got!")

817. Landon's fascination with his presents. He wanted to play with each one for a good 3-5 minutes before he would open another.

818. Ella Beth's excitement about opening all of her gifts AT ONCE; then she would dig through all of the wrapping paper to find her gifts!

819. getting Ella Beth and Landon the "perfect" gifts - nothing fancy, but exactly what we knew they would really enjoy

820. Scott surprising me with a truly unexpected and perfect gift

821. Christmas morning breakfast with my mom and Scott's parents

822. Christmas dinner with Scott's immediate family - great food and more presents

823. enjoying our family's company and relishing in the miracle of the blessings that God has given to us

824. Jesus, the best gift

2 Corinthians 9:15 "Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!"