I'm losing it

Update: We tried giving Landon cereal last night to see if it would help him sleep better.  Other than a somewhat funny and messy video, it wasn't productive.  Landon hated it.  He cried and gagged himself to get everything out of his mouth.  Needless to say, we'll be waiting a little longer to start solids.

There are a few areas in my life right now where I'm losing it.

1) I'm losing my hair.  Ugh.  The hair that I lost after having Ella Beth had finally grown back about a month before Landon was born.  Now, it's down the drain and in the trash all over again.  Getting a shower is quite unenjoyable these days b/c my hair is coming out in gobs.  Handfuls come out with each shampoo, and even more comes out when I condition.  Even if it is my own hair, it's still icky having wet hair all over my hands.  My hair has always grown fast; I hope this time it's no exception.  So, I'm losing it...literally.

2) I'm losing my mind/patience/stamina due to pure exhaustion.  Someone PLEASE help me!!!  Landon is still not sleeping through the night, and it's killing me.  He was up 3 times last night, and for some horrible reason decided that 5:25 AM would be a good time to start his day this morning.  OH MY WORD!  I was in tears b/c I was so tired.  Before you give me the cry-it-out advice, we've tried it and it didn't work.  We let Landon cry for 1 hour 22 minutes and he never even began to settle himself down.  When I finally went in to get him, not only was he gassy from crying for so long, but he was starving b/c he had used so many calories.  To top it off, he had gotten so worked up that it took him another hour and 15 minutes to go back to sleep.  It felt cruel to let him cry for so long, and when it didn't work we felt like the worst parents.  I'm desperate for some quality sleep, but not that desperate.  So...do you have any other suggestions?  Anyone???

3) OK, so this is an "almost lost it" - Yesterday, Ella Beth, Landon & I went to Carter's to do a little shopping.  When we were checking out, a lady in line asked me how old Ella Beth was.  When I told her that she was almost 2, she looked at Ella Beth, looked at me, and then looked again at Ella Beth.  She then looked me straight in the face and said, "She's really short."  Now, I'm not talking she said, "Oh she's so cute!  She's short!"  NO, NO, NO.  She snarled her lip and said, "She's really short."  It is a very good thing that I have good self-control because I wanted to slap that woman.  I looked her in the face and said, "She's petite; just like her Mommy."  I am fine with being short; had to accept that a long time ago.  However, for an adult to snub my daughter was way beyond something that I will ever move past.  Ella Beth has no idea what being self-conscience is.  She isn't bothered by broccoli stuck between her teeth, a boogie in her nose, tangled hair, or mis-matched clothes.  She is happy just being herself; being exactly who God created her to be.  Scott and I want so badly to instill in her a sense of self-worth and for her to know that she was fearfully and wonderfully made.  Today's society teaches such a false standard of "beauty and perfection."  What if Ella Beth had been old enough to realize that the lady's negative comment was directed at her?   That would have pushed this mommy from "almost" to "Done Lost It."

Here's my perfect-as-she-is-short-or-tall-or-anywhere-in-between Ella Beth in her big girl PJs. 
 

And, here's Ella Beth "pretending" to be asleep.  She was on my bed and called me, "Mommy, come see me.  I'm sleeping."  It was pretty funny!

 

Hug your daughter &/or son and tell them how wonderful they are just As They Are!  Oh, and feel free to post any sleeping suggestions for Landon. ;)

I like my new boss already!

What?!  Did I just say my new BOSS?!  Yes, I did!

I GOT THE JOB!!!

I AM BEYOND THANKFUL AND EXCITED!!!

And, why do I like my new boss (his name is Russell, by the way)?  Will you believe that he called me on his vacation just to let me know that I'm being offered the job so that I wouldn't have to worry about it all week while he was gone?  OK...if he's nice enough to be that thoughtful, I can only imagine how great working with him will be! 

Did I mention that I'm EXCITED??!!! 

After all of the house entrapment issues, sleepless nights (and days lately), and just not feeling as ful-filled as I would like...I am shouting  PRAISES and THANKS to our WONDERFUL GOD who is so good!  I am soooo looking forward to getting out of the house and becoming more of a balanced person; a more balanced mom and wife.  I don't know when I will officially start...I do have to wait for my new boss to come back from vacation...but I'm ready when they tell me!

A little bit lonely

So, what's been on my heart lately is that I feel lonely.  I remember feeling this way, to a degree, after Ella Beth was born and I was learning the ropes of motherhood.  However, with Landon here, I feel that my loneliness is a bit more...severe, shall we say.

I think this is the aspect of being a mother that really took me by surprise.  I always thought that I could never be lonely with babies in the house to keep me company, but I was wrong.  Since it's such a challenge to get out of the house in a timely manner between feeding & sleeping schedules, I feel quite "trapped" at times.  A bit of cabin fever sinks in.  I am an on-the-go type of person, but I feel very limited in the things that I can do with two little ones.  I either have to completely plan out how/when I will feed them before/after/during an outing, or I have to work around a schedule in which I can drop them off for a short time, but make sure I am back in time to nurse Landon or make sure nap time isn't interrupted...neither scenario easy to accomplish. 

Maintaining friendships throughout this time is also proving to be a challenge.  Since most of my friends also have babies, working around their schedules (which are never the same as my own children's) is an even bigger struggle.  Most of the time we "talk" about getting together, but it never happens.  It seems almost that the only way to have on-going friendship is if your friends live next door - which isn't the case. 

It's just lonely in a house that seems to trap me.  Even getting out to enjoy time outdoors is a challenge.  Landon can't wear sunscreen, and it's way too hot to put him in his carrier or bouncy seat b/c he just sits in pools of sweat.  So, we usually stay inside, and again I'm stuck in the house without an outlet. 

I know that "this too shall pass" as all things do.  Sometimes it is just a little difficult to get through.
Surely I'm not the only one out there who feels this way.  Am I? 

Any suggestions or words of encouragement?  :)

The world's most random post???

Lots of stuff; lots of random. 

I am always hungry lately.  ALWAYS.  I know that it is in direct correlation with my new workout schedule (that I have finally committed to) and the fact that I am nursing 6-7 times a day, but my goodness! I feel as though every time I walk by food I feel compelled to eat it.  Yikes!  Good thing I'm exercising!  However, if I wasn't I wouldn't have this problem.  Ha! :)

Landon hasn't slept today other than the 20 minute nap he so graciously allowed me so that I could jump in the shower, dry off, and get dressed.  I don't know what the little fella's problem could be.  He slept well last night...not "through the night" but well enough.  We finally had to invest in the straight jacket Miracle Blanket because he is too long to swaddle in his receiving blankets.  It definitely keeps him from busting out and waking himself up.  I have never seen such an active baby.  I thought that Ella Beth was active, but Landon is constantly moving.  He absolutely does not know how to relax his little body.  His arms and legs are going at all times, even in his sleep, which is why the miracle blanket has been a must.  We're hoping it truly is miraculous for us.

I still haven't heard anything definite on the job position at North Point.  Turns out, the job that I was not sure I wanted but was asked to interview for is actually the job that I want!  Doesn't God just love to surprise us?  It sure seems He likes to keep me on my toes!  Crossing my fingers!

Speaking of God...He totally must have a good sense of humor, too.  I mean, he has given me two babies who are anti-schedule.  ME!  Me, the girl who makes an itinerary for vacations!  Me, the one who schedules and plans out everything...from when I vacuum, go to the grocery, do laundry, etc.  I like my days routine and planned out.  I know God must surely want me to learn flexibility; that's why he gave me my rebellious babies. :)  Ella Beth wasn't on a true schedule until about 15 months.  Landon doesn't look like he's going to get on one any time soon.  God must want me to learn patience, too. :)

I think it's this whole non-schedule-baby syndrome that is making me crave a working position outside of the home.  I need an outlet in my life...one that is routine.  I am craving it!  Before I had Ella Beth, if someone would have told me that I would not want to stay home with my babies 100% of the time, I would have told them they were crazy.  However, I am learning that when I am with Ella Beth and Landon 100% of the time, I am only 40% of a good mom.  My patience wears thin, my energy level wears off way sooner than theirs, and I don't fully enjoy my time as a mom.  I honestly think that if/when I am able to be away from my babies 40% of the time, it will help me to be 95% of a good mom when I am with them.  (No one is 100%, right?!)  Just praying that things will work out so that I am able to get the outlet that I need in order to be the mom that I need to be.

Father's Day was very nice.  Granted, Landon had a horrible night, but Scott woke up thankful to be a daddy; albeit a tired one!  We went to church, and then spent the afternoon with Scott's family for a cookout.

Here's a fun photo of Ella Beth and Landon together all dressed up after church.

Here is Scott sporting the tie that Ella Beth made for him in Waumba Land.  Doesn't he look like a pro with both of our beautiful babies?!! (And, it's so funny that Landon looks bald in this picture.  His hair is as white as his sister's.)

A 4th generation Castleberry men photo:  Scott, Landon, Scott's Papa, and Scott's Daddy.  (Look how long Landon is getting!  I am so thankful!  I didn't want a short son who blamed his mama for it. ;) )



Here's a sweet shot of Ella Beth with her Papa.  She loves him, and he loves her.  I enjoy watching their relationship bloom.  It gives me a glimpse into the relationship that Ella Beth would have had with my dad.  I know it would have been very sweet.

Another relationship that I enjoy watching bloom is the one between Ella Beth and Landon.  Ella Beth l-o-v-e-s Landon!  Today, she was fervently trying to teach him to say "apple."  It was too funny!  Here she is saying, "Landon.  Landon.  Say apple.  Landon, say apple."  (She's only a little bit bossy!)

Recently, I have had 3 random people tell me that both of my babies have beautiful mouths.  While I have always noticed their sweet pouts (inherited from both Mommy and Daddy), I thought it was interesting that other people have noticed.  Here's a sweet pic showcasing Landon's sweet kisser. :)

And, why not one last cute pic of my little fella?!

I suppose that's enough for one random post.  I have something on my heart, but I'll save that for another time.  TTFN...ta ta for now.

Shhhh...it's a secret

Well, it's not really a secret, but that's what it feels like.  I haven't posted anything about this REALLY BIG thing that's going on in my life right now because I almost feel that if I talk about it too much, it won't happen. I am hoping/praying to get a job at North Point Ministries.  Wow...the cat's out of the bag now!  I have been involved in a very lengthy and exhaustive interview process.  Things have been going well.  I found out today that the position that I have originally been interviewing for may or may not be the exact position that I could be offered.  At first I was panicked.  WHAT???  But, now that I've had time to sit with the information for a few hours, I am okay with it.  I want to be placed and used where God deems best; who knows where I would end up if I was to make the decision. ;)  So, I am trusting that things will work out exactly as God plans...because they always do!  I hope to have some definitive information regarding my future employment soon.  I'll keep you updated.

Last Saturday, Ella Beth and I went to a birthday party to celebrate Isabelle's 4th birthday.  It was a lot of fun.  I was never able to get a picture of Ella Beth and Isabelle together b/c all Ella Beth was interested in was running back and forth between two wooden swings.  There is no doubt why my little squirt can't put on much weight...she is constantly active!!!  She runs everywhere, and when she gets to where she's going, she will play and then run somewhere else.  Whew!  If only everyone had her energy - there would be an influx of some really toned people in the world. 

I just love her pig-tails.  They make me smile.  I hope they do you, too!

She is starting to look (and act) like a bigger girl.  Her independence really shines through in this picture to me.  I hope she never loses her "I can do it" attitude.  (I may be kicking myself in the hind-end tomorrow for saying that!)

Enjoying her first slice of pie!  No, no, no...I'm no yankee. ;)  She ate the entire piece of pizza, and her bathing suit had all the evidence to prove it!

And, here is one of the only times Landon has slept without being swaddled.  This was after his sedation, and obviously the medicine hadn't worn off.  He slept for 3 hours!

Lovin' my babies. :)  Happy weekend with your hubbies and fathers!

HE CAN HEAR!!!

Landon can hear!  100%!!!  Out of BOTH ears!  Praise the Lord!  So, even after failing what is called the "screening test" for hearing a total of 6 times, Landon passed all of the specific hearing tests today at Egleston.  The audiologist said that she really can't explain the fluke with the screening tests, but that he was "textbook perfect" today.  She even did an extra test just to make sure that the results were accurate...and they were!  We are so thankful, and beyond pleasantly surprised!  Our little fella can hear!!!

Okay, so what good mommy doesn't take a camera along to capture every moment?!  (Actually, I forgot my camera, but we stopped by and picked up Scott's sister's camera on our way.)  Here are the pictures to document Landon's big day.  Scott still doesn't understand why I took a camera along, but I say that Landon will appreciate the pictures when he is older.  And OF COURSE his mommy will. :)

Here we are walking into Egleston.

Here is the "Butterfly Elevator" that we had to take to the MRI center.  (Egleston is very kid-friendly...hence the named elevators, art work, etc.)

Walking into the MRI center.

In his pj's.  Egleston is one chilly place!

Flirting with the audiologist.  Her name is Julia and she is very sweet.  She called Landon "Little Bit" today and it made him smile!

Getting "prepped" for the procedure.  Now...none of this hurt him, but
it wasn't pleasant to be poked, prodded, exfoliated, force-fed yucky
medicine, and so forth.  He really was quite the trooper, but since he
hadn't eaten in almost 10 hours, I think a few tears were warranted. 
Once they were finished "prepping" him, he was much more content.  (FYI: they monitored his blood pressure on his calf and his pulse on his left big toe!)

Drifting off to sleepy town...yawn.

No, it's not an alien...it's Landon!!!  He had probes all over him.  He even had some on his belly and back, but no pictures of those b/c he was so warm and snuggly wrapped up in the warm blankets.  Our nurse couldn't get enough of Landon.  She held him through his entire procedure.  So nice to know my little fella was in such good hands!

Thank you all for your prayers, calls, and emails.  Landon is doing very well.  He is still super sleepy, but other than than he's doing well.  He was in a great mood when he was awake (for all of about 15 minutes) earlier, so I know that once the medicine is out of his system things will be back to normal.  Actually, I'm crossing my fingers that since he's learning to sleep so well maybe that will transfer over to night time!!!  Hey, you can't blame a mommy for wishful thinking!

We are having a bit of an issue with his GERD.  We found out today that he has lost 9 ounces in the last two weeks (here we go again???).  But, we are trying not to worry about that today.  Today, we are just relishing in the awesomeness of God because LANDON CAN HEAR!!!

Praying for Landon's big day

So, tomorrow is the day.  The day my little fella...my 3 month old little fella...will be put under sedation.  I have been so good not to let the anticipation of tomorrow creep into my worrisome thoughts over the past few weeks, but now that it's the evening before his procedure... let's just say that it's a tad bit more difficult. 

Landon's appointment is at 9:30; we have to be there at 8:30.  HE CAN'T EAT ANYTHING AFTER MID-NIGHT.  Someone please pray specifically about that!  We are going to be soothing a hungry fella during the night, riding in the car with a hungry little fella who hasn't eaten in hours, and then placing him in the hands of an anesthesiologist.  See...this is why the anxiety is creeping in. 

I am just giving the situation over to God as best as I can.  If Scott and I are up walking the floor in the middle of the night, I hope that we will be praying for patience b/c everything is going to be harder on him than it is on us.  I'll post tomorrow with an update on how things went and what the results of the testing are. 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!