It's always interesting to me the timing of things. Over the past 3 or 4 days I've had a number of emails & phone calls from people asking how I am...REALLY. I've said that I'm fine, hanging in there, doing pretty well. You know, the nice responses; things people want to hear.
But how am I doing?
REALLY?
I'm stressed.
I'm tired.
I'm not getting all of what I need &/or want done.
Ella Beth is still sick for crying out loud.
Landon is sick.
Landon has had a few long crying spells.
Ella Beth has break downs at the same time.
Ella Beth has started showing defiant behavior.
I am losing my patience.
I'm not getting much exercise.
I feel as though I have run straight into a brick wall.
There are just so many things pressing on me. I hate my body and just don't foresee it getting back to what it was. I kinda anticipated this since my pregnancies were so close together, but I was hopeful that it wouldn't turn out this way. I hoped that having both babies to tend to would just melt my weight off. No such luck. When I'm already tired and stressed, feeling fat and ugly just doesn't help my day.
I am also having a hard time with my quiet time. My ladies link group started a serious study of how to spend quality time with God in His word. I was so committed to the study and was enjoying it so much. Now, however, I either can't find time, or I have no energy/focus to make time. I guess I should be doing that now instead of typing this post. I just can't win.
I'm confused about this issue of discipline. As a child, I was not spanked. (I was a pretty good kid until I turned into a teenager. By then...well, spanking was just not going to work. Taking the car away, however, did. :)) Until recently, I have been totally against spanking - I've always thought that there is just another way of discipline. Well, now I am considering the issue. "Talking to" Ella Beth just isn't working these days. She is pushing her limits, and I don't know how to get her boundaries in check. Her defiance has started much earlier than I expected. I can ask her nicely not to do something; I can sternly tell her not to do something. And, what does she do? You guessed it - what she wasn't supposed to. She willingly and knowingly misbehaves. It makes my blood boil. What's interesting is that Scott has always been "pro-spanking"...until recently. Now, he's the one who says she's too young when I bring up the discussion. It probably has to do with her being a precious little girl, and not a boy. Daddies are big softies I'm finding out. But, what do I do? Is almost 20 months too early for Time-Out? Are there other options?
I am sure that all of this is "normal," but that doesn't make it any easier. I've only had one actual breakdown since Landon's arrival...but that's just because I don't have time to breakdown. If I did, I would have lost count by now!
Wow...being honest sure isn't as uplifting as "I'm fine; doing well." I'll save that for the next phone call. HA HA!
3 comments:
I'm praying for you. I can only imagine how tough it is with 2. One is all I can handle most days. I find myself trying to scurry to get the house cleaned and laundry...but you know what. It doesn't matter. The other day, I let it all go and during nap time, I took the whole 2 hours for me. It was great. Yeah, the kitchen didn't get cleaned and I left the toys out, but it was what I needed.
As for discipline, I struggle with that too. I at first thought spanking was okay, but at this age I don't think Peyton gets it. We've popped Peyton a couple of times on his diaper (we play with him rougher than that) and you would think we'd beaten him the way he cried. But in about a minute, he was off doing something else. I have tried time out with him. I use the pack and play. When it's something straight out against what I've asked him to do, I've put him in the pack n play for one minute. During that time he cried and cried, but I never even looked at him. When it was over, I picked him up, explained why he was there and hugged him, kissed him and told him I loved him. Then he was happy and off and running. (This is from the Supernanny.)
I'm praying that you'll have two healthy kids soon...I know that Peyton kept a cold for about 2 weeks and I was about to go crazy. Something I read today said that cold symptoms that last more than 2 weeks may be allergy related, so you may want to check with the MD.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You ARE doing a great job! You are their mommy and they love you whether you finish your chores during the day or not!! You don't have to act like superwoman and try to do everything at once. Make sure that you have some time during the day for yourself. The rest will fall into place. I know that when I put so much pressure on myself, I get so stressed out and then I react not only to the kids, but to Brad and to myself (i.e, the way I look, how I spend my quiet time, etc.)
Now I could through the all my pysch. and social work books at you all day, but what works for some, may and probably won't work for another family. It takes a while to find that level of discipline that will work for Ella Beth and for your family. My only advice is never to discipline when you are absolutely heated. (Specially being so emotional after having a baby.) I always act irrational and either say something I don't mean or discipline in a way that is not appropriate in a way I personally don't believe in. Try to breath and take each situation as it comes!
She is just such a happy girl and I saw that they other day when I was over there! You are not giving yourself enough credit! Keep that head up!
maybe not as uplifting, but certainly refreshing to just be honest, isn't it? and let's face it, NONE of us have it all together, whether we have one or five children. we all have days where we are just falling apart, losing our patience, feeling irritable. i always TRY to keep it in perspective, and it isn't always easy, but i try to remember that these days pass so quickly, and i can always choose how i respond. and, of course, that when one days sucks, the next day won't suck nearly THAT bad! ;)
as for discipline, that's a tough, and touchy, subject. we started time outs for Ansley at 18 months. she is fiesty, and constantly tested us, and i remember one day when she kept getting out of time out, and i'd take her back and explain, and she'd get out and be running around the house. i took her car seat out of the car, strapped her in it, and sat her and the car seat in the time out spot. the next time she got a time out, she stayed put instead of being "forced" in by her car seat! anyway, discipline is hard, and the only thing i can say is be consistent and she will learn what the boundaries are.
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