Perspective

There are few things in life that can truly make you stop and look at life differently.  Today was one of those days for me.  We had to take Landon down to Children's Health Care of Atlanta for his audiology appointment.  I can only tell you that we left there feeling blessed.  We passed child after child, family after family battling cancer.  One stop we made on the elevator was directly across from a pediatric chemotherapy center...which happened to have the door open as nurses were going in.  Did you catch that?  PEDIATRIC chemotherapy center.  That's perspective.  I am so blessed to have two healthy and beautiful children.  I am so blessed to be able to hold and play and enjoy my children each day without fear of hugging them and hurting them; without the fear that this may be the last day I get to hug them.  I am so blessed to wake up in the middle of the night to feed/comfort a healthy baby (or babies), instead of one who is battling a deadly disease.  I am so blessed.

So, we were at Egleston today for another of Landon's audiology appointments.  Last week, he went to see an audiologist in Roswell where he failed his OAE hearing test on his left ear...for the 4th time.  We were referred to Egleston for more "specific and sophisticated" testing.  He was scheduled for a non-sedated test today b/c they were hopeful that they would be able to get all of the information needed.  Of course not.  And, my goodness, for them to expect a baby to sleep through all of the poking of his ears, "ex-foliation" of his forehead, and probes stuck to his face and ears was a little over the top.  I sure could not have slept through it!  So...now we are going back at the end of May for the tests to be run while he is under sedation.  We didn't learn too much more today other than there seems to be definite hearing loss in his left ear.  However, since his right ear is fine, we are praying that he will not suffer any deterrents with his speech development.

As far as Landon's illness, he is going much better.  His fever finally broke after about 3 days.  It took a while for him to sleep well and eat well since he got very off schedule from eating and sleeping in tiny spurts.  But, he seems to be getting back to himself...the little one we got used to at the very beginning.  Hoping he stays this way!  With his reflux under control with Prevacid and now his RSV settling down, hopefully my sweet fella will be able to enjoy himself a little more.  I think he's had his fair share since he got here.

Thank you so much for your prayers.  We'll be calling on them again in about a month with Landon going under sedation and for the out-come of those tests.  Other than that, we are going to enjoy our children for the next month and thank the Lord for them daily!  I hope you do the same. :)

I must have overdone it

I like to listen to Sirius Satellite Radio on our TV during the day so that we're not watching TV all of the time, but still have some noise.  I always keep it on the Christian station.  Well, the other day Mercy Me's song "Bring the Rain" came on and I was singing along.  I must have sung (yes, that's a word!) too loudly or too convincingly b/c the "Rain" is here.  First, the lyrics:

So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

So, why the need for an umbrella?  Life is hard.  Since Landon was so sick, he got used to being held and tended to for every little thing.  Now, he cries every time we lay him down.  Everything I read says babies can't get spoiled this early, but I completely DISAGREE.  He is rotten.  He is just like Ella Beth was.  The only difference now is that I also have Ella Beth to tend to.  Even when I do allow him to cry for a little while, it's not enjoyable play time with Ella Beth with him wailing in the background.  And get this - she even tells us to pick him up now b/c he's crying!  That's a complete 180; however, she wants to be held, too, 50% of the time.  That gets interesting.  Oh well.  Now I know only to sing my heart out to songs such as "How Great is Our God" - I don't need to be challenged any more for a little while. ;)

Well, our little fella turned 2 months old yesterday.  Unbelievable!  I took him for his check up today.  He weighs 10 pounds even - 15%, and is 22.5 inches - 25%.  I just knew he was going to be bigger than that, but the doctor says he's still "very small" and on the lowest percentile curve.  However, I have no doubt that he will outgrow his "big" sister before long.  Here's a picture to prove it:

During his non-rotten moments, Landon has started smiling a lot and has even let out a few giggles.  His giggles are much softer than Ella Beth's.  Her laugh has always been full-bellied, but it seems that little Landon's may be a little more subdued.  Maybe his personality will follow suit.

Last week, my grandmother was admitted to the hospital.  She got really sick and lost a lot of blood.  She has been living with my mom for the last few years, but the doctors sat my mom down and told her that my grandmother needed more care than my mom was capable of.  It has been really hard on my mom b/c she's an only child and wants to do for my grandmother all that she can.  However, taking care of a 89 year old lady is much more difficult than I imagined.  My grandmother is now in need of 24 hour care and supervision, so she is having to be moved to a nursing home today.  We are praying that my grandmother will adjust well.  It is very near my mom, so she will be able to visit with my grandmother at least once a day.  Mama, I know it's hard right now, but Mamaw won't love you any less.  She is going to receive great care b/c I know you'll make sure of that!

Well, I'm off.  I can't believe I've had this long, but my time is up!

Landon Update

Well, I took his temperature again about 30 minutes later and it had gone up.  So I called the pediatrician who told us to "go immediately to the ER."  Okay...you don't have to tell this mommy twice.

When we got to Scottish Rite Landon's temp was at 101 which is extremely high for a baby under 3 months.  They actually gave him acetaminophen to help bring his fever down. 

So after the catheter, blood work, and x-rays, it was determined that Landon has mild RSV.  And, of course, there is no medicine that they could give him b/c it's viral.  They did emphasize to us how important it was for us to have brought him in, despite the fact that we really didn't leave much better than we arrived.  However, now we know what to look for and how to better evaluate him to make sure he's not getting worse that would involve him having to be admitted to the hospital.  I'll take him tomorrow to the pediatrician so he can be checked to make sure things are headed in the right direction.

It was stressful on us, but mostly on Little Landon.  He cried screamed during every procedure.  I actually had to leave the room once because I about lost it.  It was beyond horrible watching my little fella in pain.  He is sleeping now, and I imagine will for a good while.

Thanks for your prayers.  I'll update again after Landon's hearing evaluation...which, we found out, he will probably have to be sedated for.  I'm telling you what...when it rains, it pours.  We sure wouldn't mind a few more prayers for our little fella!

Landon

Landon is sick.  He has a fever of 100.1 - which is 1/10 of a degree away from warranting a visit to the ER.  He has a horrible cough, is wheezing, and is just very pitiful.  We are hoping that we can wait to take him to the doctor tomorrow morning and not the ER today; however, we'll keep re-evaluating him to see what he needs.  Right now, all of his symptoms point to bronchitis, pneumonia, or RSV.  None of those are good for a 7 week old.

Right now, we'd just appreciate any and all prayers.  He is still so tiny, and him being sick is really affecting both Scott and me.  It is absolutely heart-wrenching to hear him cough...it's bad, and by bad I mean a hacking cough.

He is scheduled for his audiology appointment on Tuesday at 1:15, so we are hoping to make it there. 

I'll update when we know something.

Recharged and Thankful

Sunday was such a good day.  Scott and I celebrated our 5th anniversary, and it was also the first time I have been to church since Landon's arrival.  I have always loved our church, but after being away for 6 weeks, I really realized how much I love it!  I felt recharged spiritually when we left.  Despite the message being about volunteering, it was still so wonderful to sing songs of praise and worship and hear a message of how to serve our Lord. 

Sunday evening, Scott and I went out to dinner.  He surprised me by telling me about 20 minutes prior to his parents' arrival that we were going out.  Thanks to my dear friend, Adrienne, we went to Provino's on a post-baby-moon.  It was the first time we've both been away from our little ones together.  I felt even more recharged after just spending 2 hours of quality time with my wonderful husband.  It's so easy to fall into the monotonous every-day routine of being parents, so it was nice to get away (even ever so shortly) and enjoy each other.  We even shared dessert...Yum-O!

I want to send out a huge THANK YOU to my friends who have been so dearly sweet to me over the last month.  You never know how many friends you have until you need them!  We are now on our 5th  swing for Landon, and 5th time's a charm!  Thank you to everyone who lent us a swing "just to see" if it would work.  Laura's swing has the magic touch!  Landon is sleeping peacefully in it right now, and it's where he spends most of the day.  He definitely likes to be elevated while he sleeps, and Laura's cozy side-to-side swing is perfect for him.  Thank you, Laura! We have also continued to be blessed with meals, visits, and prayers that have been so very much appreciated. 

Last Thursday, Jennifer K. called and asked if I was up for an adventure.  We took the kids to Central Park for a picnic and play time.  There was one point when I felt like "super mom" because I was pushing Ella Beth in the swing while I was nursing Landon.  No one knew, but I sure felt impressed!  It really gave me the confidence to go out with both little ones!  Thank you, Jenn, for calling at just the right time and encouraging me to get out! 

It has been a rough transition, but I feel that we're gaining progress.  Landon is still not a great sleeper at night, but he is feeling SO much better.  My friend Kimberly has been the biggest blessing.  Her little boy, Mack, has severe reflux and has been on lots of different medicines to help him.  Well, wouldn't you know that Ashley called her to see if she could help me (Thank you, Ashley), and Kimberly called with the best news: She had samples of the same medicine Ella Beth was on for a year and asked if I wanted them.  I cried after I got off the phone with her!  Landon has been a completely different little boy for the last week.  He feels so much better, is much more rested, and we are so thankful!  Kimberly, I can't thank you enough for reaching out to us.  You have been a life saver!

Also, we have insurance!  Hooray for that!  I had my post-partum visit this morning that I didn't have to cancel.  Landon can get a prescription for the meds he needs, and we can make all of the necessary visits to the audiologist that we need for his hearing.  Again, THANKFUL!

I'll close with a couple of pictures: one of Landon being sweet, and one of Ella Beth jumping up and down in her bed!  :)

Twenty

Twenty is...

1.  ...how many "months old" Ella Beth is today. 

2.  ...how many times a day Ella Beth asks to "hold Landon."

3.  ...how many grapes she usually eats with lunch.

4.  ...how many times a day Ella Beth takes her shoes off.

5.  ...about how many sheets of toilet paper Ella Beth can un-roll before we catch her.

6.  ...how many times a day Ella Beth sings "Jesus Loves Me" (as pictured here).

7.  ...the number of times Ella Beth asks to go outside on any given day.

8.  ...the number of diapers I change each day (this includes Landon's).

9.  ...approximately how many tantrums Ella Beth throws daily.

10.  ...approximately how many times Mommy prays for patience each day. :)

11.  ...at least the number of times Ella Beth makes me laugh each day.

12.  ...how many times Ella Beth asks for Daddy when she gets in "trouble."

12.  ...the number of stuffed animals she has collected so far.

13.  ...approximately how many minutes her bath lasts.

14.  ...the number of animal noises she can make (including donkey - which is just hilarious!).

15.  ...the length of time it takes her to eat lunch.

16.  ...at least the number of kisses she gives Mommy and Daddy and Landon each day.

17.  ...the length of time it requires to get her ready for bed after her long bath.

18.  ...the number of books she would "read" before bed if we let her.

19.  ...the number of times Mommy prays for patience each day (oh, wait...did I already mention that???)

20.  ...just a fraction of how much love my heart pours out to her every minute of every day.

I LOVE THIS GIRL!

Landon, Landon, Landon

Oh, Landon.  These last few days have been R-O-U-G-H.  Yesterday being the worst.  Landon woke up at 7:24 AM and only slept 1 hour between then and 4:00 PM.  ONE HOUR.  It was horrible.  The poor little fella was exhausted, but every time he would lay down he reflux would act up.  It has gotten so bad.  It now shoots into his nose with every single episode.  Since he doesn't know how to blow his nose, it stays in the back of his nose where he chokes on it and can't breathe.  I can only imagine how much it burns.  We have tried the nasal aspirator a number of times, but his spit up is so far back in his nasal passage, the we can't get to it.  It is absolutely horrible.  He's in so much discomfort, and there's nothing we can do. 

We are still in the "application process" for insurance.  We would take Landon to the doctor and get him medicine and pay out of pocket without hesitation - no matter the cost.  However, we can't.  If we take him to the doctor, then the insurance company will look at him as having a "pre-exisiting condition" and won't cover him.  (We tried to switch insurance companies when Ella Beth was little and they wouldn't cover her b/c she had GERD.)  Since we need him to be covered, especially with the hearing specialists and possible surgery that he may need, we just can't take him to the doctor yet.  Can you even imagine how horrible we feel???  How helpless?  If our other stupid insurance had just given us some notice that our coverage was being terminated, this wouldn't even be an issue.  Grrrrr.

All of this to say we would appreciate your prayers.  Scott and I are exhausted.  Unfortunately, his reflux isn't just a day thing.  It's really bad at night, too.  We have to hold him upright for at least 30 minutes after he eats, and sometimes that doesn't even help.  We want Landon to feel better soon.  Thanks!

So how is Mommy...REALLY???

It's always interesting to me the timing of things.  Over the past 3 or 4 days I've had a number of emails & phone calls from people asking how I am...REALLY.  I've said that I'm fine, hanging in there, doing pretty well.  You know, the nice responses; things people want to hear.

But how am I doing?

REALLY?

I'm stressed.

I'm tired.

I'm not getting all of what I need &/or want done.

Ella Beth is still sick for crying out loud.

Landon is sick.

Landon has had a few long crying spells.

Ella Beth has break downs at the same time.

Ella Beth has started showing defiant behavior.

I am losing my patience.

I'm not getting much exercise.

I feel as though I have run straight into a brick wall. 

There are just so many things pressing on me.  I hate my body and just don't foresee it getting back to what it was.  I kinda anticipated this since my pregnancies were so close together, but I was hopeful that it wouldn't turn out this way.  I hoped that having both babies to tend to would just melt my weight off.  No such luck.  When I'm already tired and stressed, feeling fat and ugly just doesn't help my day.

I am also having a hard time with my quiet time.  My ladies link group started a serious study of how to spend quality time with God in His word.  I was so committed to the study and was enjoying it so much.  Now, however, I either can't find time, or I have no energy/focus to make time.  I guess I should be doing that now instead of typing this post.  I just can't win.

I'm confused about this issue of discipline.  As a child, I was not spanked.  (I was a pretty good kid until I turned into a teenager.  By then...well, spanking was just not going to work.  Taking the car away, however, did. :))  Until recently, I have been totally against spanking - I've always thought that there is just another way of discipline.  Well, now I am considering the issue.  "Talking to" Ella Beth just isn't working these days.  She is pushing her limits, and I don't know how to get her boundaries in check.  Her defiance has started much earlier than I expected.  I can ask her nicely not to do something; I can sternly tell her not to do something.  And, what does she do?  You guessed it - what she wasn't supposed to.  She willingly and knowingly misbehaves.  It makes my blood boil.  What's interesting is that Scott has always been "pro-spanking"...until recently.  Now, he's the one who says she's too young when I bring up the discussion.  It probably has to do with her being a precious little girl, and not a boy.  Daddies are big softies I'm finding out.  But, what do I do?  Is almost 20 months too early for Time-Out?  Are there other options?

I am sure that all of this is "normal," but that doesn't make it any easier.  I've only had one actual breakdown since Landon's arrival...but that's just because I don't have time to breakdown.  If I did, I would have lost count by now!

Wow...being honest sure isn't as uplifting as "I'm fine; doing well."  I'll save that for the next phone call.  HA HA!