I have heard said that the number one lie that mothers believe is that "She is the only one who struggles with ________________." Fill in the blank - impatience, keeping up with the cleaning, playing in the floor, meal planning, laundry, etc.
Since I know that it's a lie that I'm the only one who struggles with this, I want to ask - How do you manage the day to day frustrations of being a Mama? Like when you need 5 minutes to do something, but your kiddos just won't give them to you? Or when you need just a few minutes to catch your breath, but your kiddos just don't understand and keep you feeling breathless?
Today had been a relatively easy day. We had a laid back day of school that lasted all day with breaks in between every activity. We played, we watched a movie together since it's been raining, we baked cookie bars, we didn't rush through anything. And I was able to get my shower, quiet time, and coffee finished about 30 minutes before any of the kiddos woke up. The crock-pot took care of cooking supper. An easy day.
But then the witching hour of 7ish hits, and things go down hill. Scott had to go meet a couple to look at cabinet samples right after supper, and about that time exhaustion kicked in for me. The kiddos were playing and singing to the new Frozen soundtrack, Peanut was occupied, so I tried to sneak away for just 5 minutes to my room to accomplish something. I recently got a new laptop, and I wanted to set up my iTunes account and link it with our other computer. A simple task, really, but it quickly turned into a nightmare.
Peanut noticed that I was not in his line of sight and began calling out my name and crying and looking for me. Which makes the bigger kids notice that Mama is not in the room any more. They quickly find me. I told them that I needed a couple of minutes to do "just one thing," and to please go back to playing. It never happened. The big kids start wrestling on my bed and the tiny one just stands at my legs clinging to me and crying.
In that moment I just became so flustered. All I wanted was 5 minutes to do something, and I got about 1 minute to simply get started. My selfish side screams, "Just leave me alone!" My guilty mom side screams, "They will only be little once!" And somewhere in between those voices I just want to put a pillow over my head and make it all go away.
I don't know what the solution is. I guess if I was the perfect Mama, I would have simply stopped what I was doing and waited until the kiddos were all tucked safely in their beds before trying again. But you know what? I'm not perfect! And after getting up at 5:30 and being ON all.day.long all I want to do when my kids go to bed is go to bed myself.
So how do you manage this struggle with frustration/flustering? I know making kids have "quiet time" is popular right now...an hour in the day so that Mama can get some things done. But I don't know exactly how to manage that since my big kids share a room. If I split them up, one is still with me - and I'm still not getting anything done that I need/want to.
Days are long. They are full of good and bad and grumpy and laughter and silliness and correction. But my need to breathe often overtakes me, and that is when I find myself flustered and on the brink of breaking. I know I'm not alone in this, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you manage, Mama?
9 comments:
I'm with you. I will put the little ones down for a nap and "negotiate" with the big ones. Sometimes I will pop popcorn and put a movie on for my break. I'd love to hear ideas too.
I am with you too...I was nodding throughout your entire post. And I have no solution. Or tips. But am open to all!
I feel the same exact way. I have found that I have to learn to let go again and again and again. It seems like every time I try to "just get this one thing done," it always ends in me getting frustrated and wanting to yell "leave me alone!" So as much as I can, I just put it off for a later time, knowing it might not get done for awhile. Not an ideal solution but it usually makes everyone happier.
This may or may not be helpful, but this is what I would do: I would ask Ansley to take her sister, and brother, and go to the playroom, play the iPad, grab some books....so that I could get done what I wanted to get done in that moment. And if your kids aren't to this point yet, take heart! It's coming. There comes an age where, yes, there are some other issues that arise, but you realize all that training and heart teaching and constantness of it all has paid off because you come downstairs after rocking your littlest and your husband is out of town and your daughter has just cleaned your entire kitchen. Unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, washed the dishes, wiped the counters. And when you smile and thank her, she smiles back and says "You work hard for us, Mama, so I thought I would return the favor." And you realize all the cliches are true - you reap what you sow, happy kids come from happy homes, we learn what we live, day in and exhausting day out. Keep up the good work, Mama! It's all worth it. Your kids are noticing.
(This really may not have been helpful; it just may have been an overly tired, rambling Mama's words at days end. I do apologize.)
Well, I am glad to know that yesterday when Satan was telling me how awful I was to be so selfish to try to get "one thing done" and that I'm the only Mama who ever feels like this - it was definitely a lie. Whew! I'm not alone!! I've had my laptop for almost a month, so I had put it off again and again...but I saw a moment when the kiddos were occupied listening to music, and that reminded me that I still hadn't synced my iTunes account...and now was the perfect time. Ha!! Silly me. ;)
But Megan, you give me so much hope! I do see the qualities building in Ella Beth of being helpful and responsible and genuinely aware of others. It just takes time. It's funny the things I can have so much patience with...and the areas that I struggle with it. God uses our kiddos to teach us the most, does He not?!? Thanks for the reminder and the glimmer of what's to come if I keep at it. The exhaustion and weariness is a season. I'll be able to breathe again one day and wish I was breathless. :)
You know what Amber, it's ok if you need a break. Every single mom who ever lived needed a break, and since you usually can't even get it in the bathroom, you have to take it where you can. I found when mine were little and the youngest needed a nap, if I really needed a break or needed to get things done, I would put a movie in, pop some popcorn (or anything else they love) and let them enjoy a little time just the older 2. They are making memories that they will be able to share for a lifetime and you're getting the needed break or things done. But take heart, you're not alone, this too shall pass.
I'm not going to lie, in the afternoons my older two are allowed to watch an hour of approved tv, simply so that I can have a brain break and get a few things done! (This of course is after all school work is done!)
Amber all of us moms struggle with all of the above. I never seem to have it together, if my kids and i had a great day together then my house is a mess, or my house is clean and I have been a mean momma saying things I regret. Thankful for His grace and that his mercies are new every morning. You're an amazing godly mom and wife. Just remember that this too shall pass and one day far too soon our kids will be too big to sit in our laps. Now if only my husband could get that, so I pray for eyes that see what scot sees in my house and try my best each day. Keep up your great work..we are building cathedrals for Christ.
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