I am an honest person, so I can admit when I am struggling.
That would be now.
Often.
Daily.
More often than daily. That would be 20 times a day. At the least.
I am struggling in my patience with Ella Beth. Lately, everything is a battle with her.
everything.
We are reading an ABC book of Bible verses together (when she will cooperate long enough to get through one letter).
For "A" the verse is: "A soft answer turns away wrath." Proverbs 15:1.
That verse is for ME. I am the one who needs the soft answer.
I am the one struggling not to lose my mind (i.e. lose control over my tongue) when dealing with her behavior.
Scott and I have read one parenting/discipline book recently...but as much as we are applying the strategy, it's not helping to change Ella Beth's behavior.
I can totally see that many of the things she is doing is to get my attention. To combat that, I am trying to schedule 1:1 time with her. But what do I do the rest of the time? Times when she ignores me, or does exactly what I asked her not to do, or doesn't do what I asked her to do? Times when she is just down-right ugly in her tone or in how she treats others?
I never imagined that a 3 year old peanut could cause me such stress and frustration.
I know that there is no "fix" per-say, but can anyone suggest anything? A book? A technique? A specific prayer? (I keep praying that God will help me in the area of patience...however, He seems only content right now to test my patience. I'm losing my patience with that right now, too! Ahem.)
I am sure someone, or everyone, is going to say something like, "Just hang in there. It's a phase. It will pass." But seriously...I need someone to tell me something that's going to help get me through it!
6 comments:
Amber....I've struggled with patience in MANY areas of my life...and, of course, adding kids to the mix makes it even more difficult. One of my friends told me to ask specifically for God to GRANT me some of His patience...NOT to teach me patience. Through doing this, I learned that there is a big difference in LEARNING patience versus being GIVEN some to cope with a difficult circumstance. Don't get me wrong....I truly believe in the importance of being taught patience...after all, it is an important virtue...BUT! Sometimes we simply do not have time to LEARN it...we NEED it in the here and NOW. I will say a specific prayer for this for you tonight, and I encourage you to do the same....I have faith that it will help. Also...one other word of advice...which I know that you already know, but just remember that IF our children know that they are "getting to us," it makes things worse. So...if Ella Beth knows that she is trying your patience, that may be the fuel she needs to continue to do so. I think, as parents, we have to be psychologists much of the time to figure out ways to turn situations around so that we do not relinquish control to our kids....lol! Good Luck Friend :) **Remember..you're not alone!
I think we all struggle with patience as moms. I also think that when we seek Him, we are able to control our thoughts, our actions, our tongues. I find that when I am seeking Him, in His word, through prayer, through worship, I am much more self controlled. Some days, seeking Him means I have worship music on all day long, and that's all I can do. Other days, I can sit down and have 30 minutes to read my Bible, pray, ask God for guidance. Each day is different, but when my heart and mind are filled with Him, sin (anger, impatience, etc) has a harder time getting in. I would HIGHLY recommend "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. It has been the most helpful book we have read. In fact, we don't use any other books on parenting. It talks about the importance of reaching your child's heart in obedience, and using God's word to do that. It is EXCELLENT. Now I will also say, nothing about this is easy. There is no "do this" or "say that" and Ella Beth will magically obey. Parenting is HARD work! But through consistent, biblical parenting, I believe that you will notice a big difference in her attitude and obedience, as well as yours. I hope this was helpful! Sorry for the novel. :)
PS This isn't really helpful, but reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "The world is full of women blindsided by the unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and torturous."
So true, don't you think? :)
Adding to Megan's recommendation of "Shepherding a Child's Heart" I highly recommend "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman. It is based on the same principles as Shepherding a Child's Heart just much more practical. I could have wrote this post three weeks ago about my kiddos. Stay strong and consistent.
I know girls are different than boys but a couple of the books that I've read that have some good ideas are "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel and "Parenting with Love and Logic". I'm also starting to read James Dobson's "Strong willed child." "Creative Correction" offers some pretty interesting ways to deal with issues to help the child learn. It also has lots of scripture you can use to defend the correction and help the child understand from God's perpective why we ask them to do certain things. "Love and Logic" offers good ways to give the child options to help them learn how to make good decisions, but also to give you time to catch your breath before reacting.
Good luck. I know that Peyton is at the point of pushing boundaries and when our little girl gets here, I can only imagine how tough that will be.
Praying for you.
Ladies - I just wanted to thank you all for your encouraging comments. I have been praying specifically that God would GIVE me the patience I need WHEN I need it. Just calling on Him and trusting that He will come through has been amazing. All of the books that were recommended are now on my "To Read Next" list!
It's not a glamorous side of motherhood, the whole impatience issue. However, it is comforting to know that I am not alone; I can call out to friends who know just what to say and offer support.
Summer, Megan, Ally, and Stephanie - THANK YOU!!!
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