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Amber

Something new

So I've never done anything like blogging before, but a friend suggested that I try it out since I was telling her that sometimes I just want to talk...but with an 8-month old as my only audience most of the day...well, you get the drift.  I don't want anyone to think that I don't talk to my cute hubbie, but after he's had a long day at work I feel a little bad bombarding him with all of the "stuff" that I've kept inside all day!  My friend convinced me that this would be a wonderful "out" (and my hubbie can always keep up at his own leisure). :)

Well, in the last week something wonderful has happened to me twice.  While at the grocery store/grocery store parking lot two complete strangers have shown true kindness.  At Wal-mart last week, an older gentleman unloaded my grocery cart for me.  I had Ella Beth in her front carrier, and as you moms know, bending over is quite a challenge!  The man was from Germany, and he told me that where he was from no one ever helped out a stranger, but he wanted to change that since he moved to the States.  Then today, I again had Ella Beth in the front carrier (definitely in the top 10 inventions) and I was unloading my groceries into my car.  Well, the wind was so crazy that it was actually carrying my cart off!  While I was chashing after it, a kind lady came up to me and told me that she would load all of the groceries into my car.  Umm, can anyone say an act of service?!  It just made me so happy inside to know that among all of the yuck in the world, there is still a lot of good.  How blessed am I to have it shown to me twice in one week!  It just reminds me of the role our Savior took as a servant to show His love for us.  I hope that in the near future I have the opportunity to serve someone, too.

Truth confessions

I posted this the other day, but took it down about an hour later. I didn't want my lack of faith to cause anyone else to falter. But, after being up with Ella Beth as she threw up for two hours last night...maybe if I post this (and leave it up) someone might be able to give me some encouragement.

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As a Christian, I have had times in my life where I have struggled, but I always knew that those areas of struggle were "relatively small and simple" - nothing faith altering.

I can't say the same for how things have been going lately.

I've been struggling. Big struggles. I've been finding it hard to want to even talk to God. I've been asking myself questions like, "Does God really care about the details of our lives?" "Where is God in the day to day?"

March 9, 2009. 7:10 a.m. I was so scared. Forget doubting God during that moment. Forget remembering to brush my teeth before I ran out the door. I was terrified of losing my daughter. I was scared to buckle her in her car seat, worried that she may not make it...she may die...before I can even get her to the hospital. Ella Beth had literally been sick over 50 times during the ten hours before. She couldn't stand, could barely move any part of her body, and when she tried to speak to tell me that she didn't feel well or that she needed to be sick, her words were so slurred that I couldn't even understand her.

I suppose that's where it started. Then, of course, were the 25 attempts to get an IV into my daughter; 2 of which were successful over a 2-day period.

I remember calling out (audibly) to God asking Him to PLEASE help the nurses, technicians, specialists just find a vein. Sure, they did on the 17th try...only to have the vein blow 2 hours later, in her foot, and then to have 8 more unsuccessful sticks the next day. Next, to have nurses come in for "blood work" and have to prick and squeeze Ella Beth's fingers and toes (ALL of them), just to get a tiny tube of blood.

I just kept thinking, when does this ever end? God, are you there? Can't you just help? You're BIG, remember? Just blink an eyelash, think about her for a split second, do something to help. Please?

No answer.

Now, should that be faith-shaking? Maybe to you, not. But to me, it has been. Has God turned His back on me? Is He testing me for some reason?

I'm failing if He is testing me.

And, of course, March 9, 2009 - well, that was just the first hospital admission.

Then, there was March 20, 2009. Started all over, got worse, had more than one scare in the hospital. And, still, we have no real answers. Testing keeps going.

I just wonder where God is sometimes.

Yes, I know we live in a fallen world. But, the Bible tells us that God is always with us. It doesn't feel that way right now. I think back to the Israelites as they walked around, lost, for 400 years during the time that God did turn His back to His people. Generations lived and died, never seeing even a glimpse of God.

Their faith was way beyond my own.

Why should I pray about raising support for my mission trip to Kenya? (Which, by the way isn't coming in as fast as it needs to. Imagine that.) Why pray about the money I need to raise? It's a small detail. Does God really want to get involved in me raising money? Small Prayer Request vs. Big Prayer Request. Is that the battle?

But, I am trying my hardest to find my way back to talking with God. Despite feeling disappointed in Him, not just in the circumstances we faced, I still know He is God. I know He is a big God. I just wish He felt smaller. Not smaller in his capabilities; I still want a Big God who can pull off Big wonders. Just smaller in that He could show up and be tangible in the details.

Easter '09

So, really, we are just glad that we made it to Easter healthy. We had fun. We enjoyed time together. We enjoyed time with family. We celebrated our risen Savior.

I love this picture of my two favorite fellas enjoying one another's company. Scott is Landon's hero.

Landon enjoyed picking up eggs at our first egg hunt; he wasn't in any hurry about it though. ;)

Ella Beth had to open every. single. egg to see what was inside before she would put it in her bucket!

 
Ella Beth's Easter basket from Mimi. Lots of fun things inside!

Landon also had lots of fun things inside his basket. He didn't know what to think!

Love the fact that neither of my children feel the need to look at the camera when I actually get both of them in my lap, happy, not fighting, not crying... Oh well! Notice the new hair?!?!

Bed head on Easter morning!!! Ella Beth loved her new rocking horse.

Landon loves his Little People farm and animals. He will play with this for up to 20 minutes by himself! (Until Ella Beth comes along...)

Please look closely at this picture...Ella Beth has a BLACK EYE. Saturday night, Ella Beth went to the potty on the "big potty." When she was trying to step down (backwards) from her stool, she slipped and landed right on her eye. A nice shiner for Easter morning. Too bad it didn't go well with her dress...

The family kiddos ready for the last egg hunt of 2009. Next year, I think I want to limit our egg hunts to two - the one in our front yard, and the annual family hunt. Too many takes the fun out of it. Love how excited Landon looks in this shot!

Landon and Ella Beth enjoying the fruits (i.e. candy) of their labor!!!

(Very) quick update

Yes, I know that I haven't been updating like I should...but I have had SO much to catch up on that I haven't had time.

But, I'll give a very quick update:

Ella Beth went in last Thursday for blood work. A neonatal lab specialist was requested to "stick" her, and she was successful on the FIRST try!!! Yippie! She even got Ella Beth to talk to her while the blood was flowing (very slowly) out. She asked her how old she was, and Ella Beth said, "I'm two and a half." Then, she asked her when her birthday was. Well, Ella Beth really perked up, forgot about the needle in her arm and said, "My birthday is August 7th, 2006!" We all just cracked up that she actually said the 2006 part! It made her blood flow a little faster, too. :)

OK...So some of her tests have come back. She was NEGATIVE for Hepatitis A. :) Her liver readings were back within the "normal" range. :) And the test for Celiac Disease has come back NEGATIVE! :) Huge blessings there! (Of course, we've been told that there are often false negatives with Celiac...but not worrying about that. )

She goes to the GI specialist on Thursday for a physical and complete work up. Can't wait to see what they have her do during her physical. They just need to play some toddler tunes, and she'll just dance and sing her way around the office for exercise!

OK...gonna get back to work (Hi, Russell!). But, since our pediatrician just called with the results, I really wanted to get this posted. Thank you all who have called to check in on Ella Beth and Landon. So glad I finally have updates to share!